Potty Humor, Part II

For those of you eagerly playing along at home, the score is now 4-for-4. And yes, this is the second post in a week dealing with bodily fluids. 

Search bit another one of his friends this afternoon and served actual time in the official preschool penalty box.

It was one of those days.

We woke up in a good mood. Destroy announced “Ah!” right at 6:30 a.m. He was all smiles as he picked out his blue-hooded thermal to wear. We velcroed up his matching blue vans, and went back upstairs to get his brother. Twenty minutes later I opened the car door to unbuckle the boys and walk them to class.

I looked at Search; he grinned back up at me. “You’re not wearing any shoes,” I observed. What did I JUST say about getting back to basics. I guess it could have been worse – upon further inspection I can confirm that we were all, in fact, wearing pants.

At 5 p.m. I darted across town to swoop up muppets. And once again, I was greeted with an INCIDENT REPORT. Seriously? Again?!

Incident: Search bit a friend on the playground this afternoon.
Action Taken: Time out and told “We don’t bite our friends.”

Search was smirking with a look that can only be described as Mommy Redux. Search – you are your mother’s son. Karma – you are a bitch. Kisses, Tricia.

“It’s a good thing they come cute,” his teacher (not yesterday’s cannibalistic target) noted.

We arrived home to the tune of a MAJOR MUPPET MELTDOWN. I think Destroy had a tummy ache. Squirming, squealing and sobbing, my little destroyer absolutely refused to sit in his highchair – he arched his back and wailed. I knew something was obviously wrong. Destroy doesn’t turn down food lightly.

I know! How about a nice warm bath? That will make you feel better. I am a brilliant mommy. (Well, aside from the whole juvenile delinquent biting issue that seems to be besting me.)

We finished sudsing up and were ready to partake in a few minutes of splashing (the muppets do enjoy relieving the tub of all its liquid contents). Then Destroy smiled and shouted his happy yell.

He pooped.

There was a giant poop in the tub. GIANT.

I guess his tummy didn’t hurt anymore…

I scooped two giggling toddlers out of the bathtub in a right quick hurry. Destroy managed to wander out of the living room while I gathered his brother. I called him back, coaxing him toward me with open arms. I couldn’t help but join in the laughter as the naked 26-pound toddler nonchalantly waddled back. I held out two fuzzy footie jammies, asking which one he wanted to wear to bed.

Destroy looked up at me. He took a moment to examine the blue rocketship or tan monkey. Then he stood tall – holding his head every inch of his two and a half feet – and peed on the monkey and me.

My plan for tonight was to workout, write and collapse into a delightfully dream-filled slumber by 9 p.m. Instead, I spent it scrubbing poop out of a bathtub.

That’s right. Motherhood is damn sexy.


Filed under Destroy, Home, Search

5 Responses to Potty Humor, Part II

  1. Gramma J

    I am exhausted just reading this.

  2. Winifred Ahern

    At least you found out why Destroy had a tummy ache — And such fun cleaning up – don’t despair – one day they will be in “big boy” pants. G.G.

  3. granpastavo

    from now on ,for every child that cry is Search to be blamed??????or are they jalous becouse he is so cute????? love you Search granpa Stavo is on your side ciao tutti
    gpa Stavo

  4. Pingback: Potty Mouths of Preschoolers | Stream of the Conscious

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