Parents You See at the Preschool Parade Pickup A-Z

We’re working on the ABCs with the muppets. As you can see, we’re missing some. But we’re moving forward – and it’s part of the ongoing curriculum at school.

Hey! There’s a teaching moment right there is for all the types of parents one may encounter at drop-off.

A is for Anxiety Mom
Jittery and heart-racing, they have no idea what they’re doing when it comes to this parenting thing. And oh god, they’re so panicked they’re going to screw it up.

B is for Blogging Mom
Every move is a potential story; entire lives are being blogged.

C is for Coffee Mom
Even her kids know the Starbucks menu. Decaf for the little one and a latte for mom.

D is for Disheveled Mom
Her hair has a mind of its own. She may or may not have remembered to swap out slippers for shoes. And she’ll probably need to readjust the drawstring on her sweats at some point in the parking lot.

E is for Exhausted Mom
EveryMom. Up late, up early – mind always racing. She’s bringing dark circles back into fashion.

F is for Frazzled Mom
What day is it? She probably forgot her kids’ breakfast. Again. She’ll even show up on days that she didn’t have pick-up.

G is for Guilty Mom
Shoulda, coulda, really really wanted to do better. She always looks like she’s second-guessing every child-rearing decision.

H is for Hypochondriac Mom
She’s the one who will spray you down with hand-sanitizer if you so much as clear your throat in her direction.

I is for Ice Queen Mom
Permanent “Bitchy Resting Face” and only a quick simple acknowledgement when you pass her. Get in. Get out.

J is for Judgmental Mom
Yup, she’s looking at you with judgey eyes – anything from your sports team allegiance to a fellow parent who just parked in the handicapped spot.

K is for Killer Mom
Spiders don’t stand a chance. Apologies for the accidental snailcide.

L is for Late Mom
“Let’s go, already!”

M is for Mom of Multiples
They’re the ones repeating everything at least twice. “Don’t hit your brother. Do. Not. Hit. Brother!”

N is for New Mom
This is the mom looking slightly shell-shocked that small people depend on her.

O is for Obsessive Mom
She’s got the class schedule memorized. Do not, I repeat, do not mess with the schedule.

P is for Potty Training Mom
P is for pee. And poop. And Pampers. And prayers. And FOR THE LOVE OF GOD USE THE POTTY!

Q is for Quixotic Mom
Her children are going to change the world. Her ideas will make a difference. (Just as soon as they figure out the potty thing.)

R is for Resourceful Mom
They say necessity is the mother of invention. She often believes motherhood is the necessity for invention.

S is for Super Mom
Shit’s gotta get done. And she’s on a mission.

T is for Teacher Mom
She’s got all kinds of innovative ideas on how to impart a love of education unto her offspring. (Like A-Z lists.)

U is for Unsure Mom
She has absolutely no idea what she’s doing. And often looks a bit bewildered.

V is for Volunteer Mom
It’s likely the reason for the MomMobile – gotta have room for future equipment. (And also blankets for tiny ones.)

W is for Working Mom
Heels, skirt and blouse, she’s shepherding the little ones into class for an 8-5 meeting.

X is for Xenophile Mom
Foreign foods and maybe even family on another continent.

Y is for Yoga Mom
Well, the pants anyway.

Z is for Zombie Mom
Brains. This world really needs far more of them.

But that’s just me… What types of parents do you see in the pickup parade? And what about you dads?


Filed under Humor, School

8 Responses to Parents You See at the Preschool Parade Pickup A-Z

  1. I’m pretty sure I’m “Blinder Dad,” there’s shit going on around me, but I need to: get the kids to the classroom, make sure neither has to go to the potty, get their buckets hung and nametags placed, kiss and hug and explain that, “no, I can’t stay for class today, I have to go to work” to the boy while wondering why the girl has left this plane of existence & is wandering off in her own world. So, I may encounter all of those moms during drop-off, but I barely ever notice them. Except for “way too much make-up at way too early a time of day” lady. She bugs me.

  2. I think I am about twelve of these moms all at once while trying to avoid Oversharing Mom.

    • Ha. I hear ya – I am every single one. And I do see a lot of blinder dad’s too. Usually trying to peel children off while avoiding all the rest of us crazy parents.

  3. I think I was every single one of these moms at least once…

  4. Joanne Hamann

    O is also for me – OCM – “Obsessed College Mom” – which school will it be? Is he picking the right one? Will the Engineering and Jazz Studies be adequate????????????

  5. Jon

    Hey, Where’s the Dads?

  6. Megan

    Depending on the day I could be any one of those, although I do try to have non-pajama-looking clothes on and at least a ponytail if i walk onto campus. I think I’m also A – anti-social mom – I really am not that interested in chit chatting with the other parents on my way in or out of school. Hmmm..maybe that makes me B – blinders on mom.

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