Tag Archives: toddler

The Attention Span of a Toddler


You may have noticed that most small ones have the attention span of a newt. And although I do not deem to know precisely the intentions of the diapered hamster in my son’s brain, toddling furiously upon his wheel, I’m pretty confident in asserting the thoughts are all over the place.

So today we have a guest blog of sorts. Below is an actual conversation (monologue really) as one of everyone’s favorite muppets navigated his evening. I am not making this up. Continue reading


The Next Generation of Chippendales


Nap time was an adventure. Instead of cooperating, Destroy decided to strip. Continue reading

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A Bedtime Story

Sometimes after a rough day (or week) you just want to sit back and have someone read you a story.

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Opposites Attract (except when they’re driving parents up the wall)

Night and Day

Destroy may physically be a carbon copy of his father, but lately it appears my genes have been making an appearance.

Tantrums abound. And I may have been a wee bit difficult (and/or incoherently irrational) as a small (midsize and large) child. Continue reading


Toddler Tactics of Evasion


My militaristic-type friends (by which I mean veterans of our armed forces) have shared that the tactics needed for escape and evasion are known as “SURVIVAL.” And it appears my future paratroopers were born with Man vs. Wild style instincts inherently embedded in their tiny fighting spirits.

At their present age, such methods are generally invoked against bathtime (apparently germs are to two-year-olds as long luxurious hair was to Solomon’s power) or bedtime (because no toddler has ever admitted to being tired in the history of evolution – the first rule of toddler sleepy time; NEVER MENTION BEING SLEEPY). Continue reading

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Anatomy of a Toddler Temper Tantrum

“Doggie eats poop,” announced a very awake muppet. This was going to be a long night.

After two hours of chasing tail (haha), summersaults and “Hey Mommy! Watch This!” the witching hour grew nigh.


Destroy was displeased with this development. Continue reading


Baseball Is Simply A Nervous Breakdown Divided Into Nine Innings

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.
~Dave Barry (on the perils of motherhood.)

The muppets have been learning the concept of t-ball over the past several weeks. Or, more accurately, taking a primary-colored plastic bat larger than the small children wielding it, and gently tapping the foam ball from atop its primary-colored perch. Continue reading


Transition to Toddlerhood

My demarcation line between “baby” and “little boy” has always been toddlerhood. Toddlers are WAY bigger than babies. They’re like little people.

Well, look how far we’ve come from Tiny. This morning I found myself grunting as I heaved Destroy into his car seat – such typical mom behavior that I couldn’t even fathom a year ago. Last year, after the cause celebres arrived home, I could write a blog post with my laptop on my lap (shocking place for it, I know) and have Destroy lying on my chest – with no feelings of overcrowding or “don’t burn the baby with a hot electronic device.” Continue reading

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Searching for Lindsay Lohan

A dear friend of ours is celebrating the holidays out in sunny Palm Springs – Henry is their adorable two-year-old. Please enjoy today’s guest post about toddler priorities.

While in Palm Springs with Sam’s family we did some Christmas shopping. We were driving back to the house and Henry was exhausted – more than an hour late for his nap. I told him as soon as we got home, he was going to take a nap. Of course, he protested. Sam promised him that when he woke up – they would go on an adventure together.

“We can drive the golf cart, see the big river, see if we can find Lindsay Lohan…”

(Lindsay Lohan, in case you live under a rock, is in rehab at Betty Ford, which happens to be about a mile from where we are. In fact, my sister-in-law saw her a few days ago at the Borders across the street that we visit almost every evening after dinner. So, the idea of finding her wasn’t as out of the blue as it may seem…)

Henry tilted his head, scrunched up his nose, and asked in the most innocent tone, “Who is Lindsay Lohan?”

After we recovered from the hysterical laughter, we told him she was an actress and she was on TV.

Once we got home, I tried to put him to sleep and he was beyond tired and fought with all he had. He was crying and screaming, with big, fat tears streaming down his hot, red cheeks. Instead of just nondescript crying – Henry screamed the following phrase, again and again:

“NO!! I don’t want to take a nap! I want to go find Lindsay Lohan!!”

There are no words. I can’t decide if I am ashamed, disgusted or find it all hysterically funny. I think probably a combination of all three.

– Amber Harrison, http://harrisontales.blogspot.com/2010/12/lindsay-lohan.html