All That Glitters is Not Gold

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Last week, Jon picked the boys up from school. As it was the first week back after the holiday, a thick packet of projects was sent home along with hyperactive preschoolers.

All of the crafts created during the days leading up to a festive Christmas holiday. Do you know what makes projects “festive”? Sparkle: a luminous twinkle that can only be achieved via copious amounts of glitter.

Jon gathered the boys, their lunch bags, and a pile more than 4-inches thick of multi-colored reflective craft particles. They strode to the car, depositing a trail for Hansel and Gretel to follow back to class, as the bright and shimmering colored construction papers spewed their glitter-soaked entrails along the previously trodden path.

My trio of boys loaded their goods into the car, transforming our Ford Escape into the black hole escape for the remnants of an exploded solar disco ball.

Search: Can we hang my snowman on the frigerator?

Jon: <Desperately searching for way to avoid glitter bombing the house.> You’ll have to ask your mother.

Search: Why?

Jon: <Deciding best way to diffuse the situation is to punt the question.> Well, in any successful incident command system, different people run the varying components of standard process and procedures. I handle logistics and operations. Your mom’s in charge of planning and finance.

Search: <very long pause> Mine’s got gold glitter!

Search is apparently running the decorative piece of this operation.

But just so we’re clear, all that glitters is not gold. It is also silver, blue, purple, red, and green.

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Terrors in the Night

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The screaming began right around midnight.

“MOMMMMEEEEEEE!!!” It continued to gain in hysteria, growing louder and louder until a trembling child was pooled in heap upon the newly displaced dog bed.

(The dog has recently demonstrated a serious phobia of smoke alarms. I’ve recently decided to start cooking in a healthier lifestyle adoption. Kid and dog were likely going for a quid pro quo kinda thing.) Continue reading

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The Future and Frozen Tundra

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Happy New Year. The future has arrived. Possibly possessed by sun flares and perihelion – as Earth neared its closest distance from our sun – I decided to ring in the new year in wild fashion. The boys and I headed to Yosemite with their girlfriend Minnie’s family.

“You are completely insane,” Jon informed me as he kissed us goodbye. “God speed to you all.” Continue reading

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The Annual Holiday Letter – 2014

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My email address hasn’t changed in seven years (and that was only because I got married and changed my name). During that same time period, there were three physical residences.

It’s hard to keep track of people’s addresses these days. Maybe because snail mail has become a relic to the point where our (now 4.5-year-old) Search and Destroy think the “mailman” drives the UPS truck. (Tangent: Happy Holidays. Love, Amazon) Continue reading

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TechMom Tuesday: My iPhone and the Deathly Hallows

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Although AlliOSNews no longer exists in the blogosphere, I’m still a Silicon Valley tech nerd. And even without a tech blog forum with which to muse poetic about my shiny toys, I still use the technology I once wrote about.

Today is Tuesday. I believe my iPhone is magic. Continue reading

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The Story of Santa

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‘Tis the season. And so the muppets explained the story of the Fat Man to me. Continue reading

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Gingerbread Men

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Friday was the Gingerbread Party at the boys’ preschool.

Search and Destroy were thrilled with their creations. With good reason – the resulting houses are adorable! Continue reading

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Fancy Pants

Fancy Pants

It’s Christmas season. Which means the preschool Christmas concert is upon us.

Destroy informed me he would be wearing his reindeer hat and fancy pants. He has those now. Mostly I was hoping that Search would be in pants. Continue reading

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Monsters on the Wall

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I heard moaning and the distinct floor creeks announcing the urgent pitter-patter of little feet racing toward me. When I blearily looked at the clock red fuzzy lines across my room, they formed somewhat of a 4 a.m. shape.

“Ah! Ah! Ah! I hafta go pee pee!!!” a potty-dancing Destroy whimpered. He darted into the bathroom and I waved him back to bed with a hug. I thought that was the end of that.

It wasn’t. Continue reading

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Santa Baby

Santa Pictures

“I’m not going to cry, but I don’t want to smile.”

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