All That Glitters is Not Gold


Last week, Jon picked the boys up from school. As it was the first week back after the holiday, a thick packet of projects was sent home along with hyperactive preschoolers.

All of the crafts created during the days leading up to a festive Christmas holiday. Do you know what makes projects “festive”? Sparkle: a luminous twinkle that can only be achieved via copious amounts of glitter.

Jon gathered the boys, their lunch bags, and a pile more than 4-inches thick of multi-colored reflective craft particles. They strode to the car, depositing a trail for Hansel and Gretel to follow back to class, as the bright and shimmering colored construction papers spewed their glitter-soaked entrails along the previously trodden path.

My trio of boys loaded their goods into the car, transforming our Ford Escape into the black hole escape for the remnants of an exploded solar disco ball.

Search: Can we hang my snowman on the frigerator?

Jon: <Desperately searching for way to avoid glitter bombing the house.> You’ll have to ask your mother.

Search: Why?

Jon: <Deciding best way to diffuse the situation is to punt the question.> Well, in any successful incident command system, different people run the varying components of standard process and procedures. I handle logistics and operations. Your mom’s in charge of planning and finance.

Search: <very long pause> Mine’s got gold glitter!

Search is apparently running the decorative piece of this operation.

But just so we’re clear, all that glitters is not gold. It is also silver, blue, purple, red, and green.

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