We’re living in a society of every man for himself. Articles across these here interwebs decry the decay of manners and etiquette. So it’s up to me to raise my muppets to one day serve as productive members of society.
Search and Destroy. Future gentlemen.
Friday rolled around – customary date night. Dad was off on business, so I hit the town with two handsome men by my side. We decided to begin our evening with fine dining.
Red Robin awaited.
My dates charged in, clearly an attempt to guide me to our table. There was even a brief skirmish to defend my honor. To the untrained eye, it may have seemed that two preschoolers were having a tantrum over who got to sit next to Mommy. But obviously these two up-and-coming aristocrats were simply concerned about letting me sit with my back to an opening.
In a gesture harkening back to the days of knights and noblemen, each little man eagerly ripped into his white paper kerchief (napkin) and brandished a sword toward me with hunger-induced vigor. You think I’m exaggerating, but really I was quite impressed. They may have only been turning over dangerous knives that are only for grownups (also known as butter knives to the uninitiated) but they did so with dapper aplomb.
Dinner came and they even shared a French fry.
As a reward, we split a Mountain High Mud Pie for dessert. The boys attacked the frozen delectable – trying to cut down pieces of the pie for me, the way I’ve oft cut up their meat. Never mind the creamy chilled projectiles launching their way over the restaurant via a preschool propelled catapult.
When it came time to leave, Search and Destroy raced to the door. When I reached above them to push the entryway open, both guys scrambled against it waving me through first. “Thank you for holding the door open for me,” I proclaimed proudly.
Suddenly a gaggle of teenage girls appeared (obviously looking to live it up with a TGIF of endless refill root beer floats).
“I’m holding the door open for you,” the 38-inch Casanova, Destroy, crowed proudly.
“No,” corrected Search. “We BOTH holding the door open for you.”
When the ringing in my ears, resulting from the shrill shrieks at a frequency only high school girls can emit, I took a moment to revel in the cooing as the girls gushed over my muppets’ adorableness.
“OH EM GEEEEEEEE!!! You guys that’s like the cutest sweetest thing ever. I like can’t even.”
I’m calling this a parenting win.