October 11, 2010

Mary Poppins

Great news – we still have a nanny.

Several months ago, while the muppets were still hanging out in the NICU, I went to lunch with a dear friend. Upon completion of our meal, we discovered the keys to her car were locked in the trunk. So, we perched ourselves on a nearby patch of grass and began to chat about childcare as we waited for her husband to arrive with a rescue set of keys.

Her son, an adorable two and a half year old, had outgrown his personal nanny. My friend was lamenting that fact, and wanted to find a new home for this wonderful nanny. Around this point in time, it occurred to me that when the muppets came home from the hospital, I would be returning to work a mere 24 days later.

We were going to need childcare.

I was paranoid. Who was I going to leave my little muppets with? After all, these are special muppets – their care is not to be taken lightly. My friend mentioned that their nanny was looking for part time work. She began telling me about this allegedly fabulous caregiver, Holly.

Holly was a long-time family friend. Her educational background was in early childhood development. She’d spent a number of years nannying before becoming a teacher. Then she became pregnant – her son was born premature, and she quit teaching to raise her own kids. Now that her kids are big school-aged peoples, she’s back in the nannying game.

My mouth was agape. We had located Marry Poppins. Holly was practically perfect in every way. I began phone and Facebook stalking her. We MUST have her as our nanny. I was on a mission.

A couple weeks after the muppets came home and a couple weeks before I went back to work we succeeded! Holly would be watching Search and Destroy on Mondays. (She even sings to them. And goodness knows having Mom sing to them is more like a punishment – no matter how much they seem to like music.) It was love at first sight. We had a good deal going.

The end of the first month with Holly came, and I wrote her a check as we had agreed upon. And that’s when the bank tried to throw a wrench in our arrangement. Holly decided to cash the check. This seemed like a logical move in both our minds. The bank thought otherwise.

I was typing away on my computer at work when my phone buzzed. (I don’t get reception in the heart of Silicon Valley where I work, so my phone was alerting me to a voicemail.) It was the bank. They wanted to speak with me because there was a woman trying to cash a suspicious check.

“We have a “Holly” trying to cash a check allegedly issued by you.”

“That’s our nanny,” I assured the bank man. “Please pay the woman.” Turns out, they’d already sent her away. Check in hand, but no cash. Now, I understand that they are concerned about fraudulent activities, and I appreciate that. (This begs the whole other question of why they sent her away with the check if they thought she was a master criminal…) But I just wanted to assure them that they should, in fact, give her the money as noted in the very much valid and real check.

The bank man then explained that the reason they were so concerned about the possibility of fraud is because there was only $6 in my account. This concerned me immensely. I got a bank manager on the line and explained that if there was only $6 in my account, we needed to step away from the valid nanny payment and begin discussing police reports. Problem was, I was looking at my account info online. And all appeared well in cyberland.

“Ohhh,” the bank manager finally sighed. “It appears we were looking at your credit card balance. Sorry.”

Fabulous. I immediately called Holly, apologizing profusely. I repeatedly assure her the funds existed and that her new family was not a bunch of deadbeats. Thankfully, she found the entire situation humorous (far more so than I).

Imagine my relief that she still loves us. This morning, when Holly arrived, Search and I greeted her at the door. Search welcomed her with a giant smile. Muppet approved.

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October 10, 2010

Zio and Zia

The muppets and I have just returned from the airport. After a fun-filled weekend whirl of a visit, the muppets reluctantly agreed to release Paul and Stephanie back to the badlands.

Somewhere in an album, hidden away in my parents’ closet, is a photo of me holding Paul. I’m three; Paul is perhaps three months. He is slouching down and looking very concerned that someone thought it was a good idea to hand the newborn to the toddler. What a different picture this weekend – now it’s Paul holding the babies. (Although, there were certainly some of the same concerned looks…)

The newly engaged couple arrived on Friday evening. Since the muppets didn’t appear interested in sleeping, both were wide-awake and ready to meet their new family. Stephanie didn’t make it two steps into the house before her arms were outstretched for a little man. In the arms of the adorably pocket-sized Steph, the boys looked ginormous. Paul smiled and admired them from a distance.

Uncle Paul and Aunt Steph had procured stuffed animals for the muppets during their engagement excursion in Hawaii. A green sea turtle with giant bug eyes and a soft grey dolphin. Naturally, I was very excited about the turtle. Paul noted that even though everyone (from purchase through delivery) seemed to get so excited about the turtle, he’d picked out the dolphin. Brothers-in-arms, Destroy was fully on his side regarding his favorite animal. He hugged the dolphin close and snuggled into my chest with his new toy. In contrast, he eyed the turtle very warily. I do not think he was a fan – in retrospect, it may have been the bug-eyes that threw him.

Saturday morning, I heard Paul pacing near the bottom of the stairs. Search had finished breakfast but was not content to sit back and give his brother a chance to fill his tummy. So, I instructed Paul to join me in the nursery and make himself useful. He sat down and I put Search in his lap. Search and Paul were wearing matching concerned looks. Paul was so afraid to move, he asked Stephanie to itch his eyebrow for him. He became a lot more comfortable as the hours passed.

We spent the rest of the morning in the living room as Paul explained the merits of college football to the next generation quarterback and linebacker. Destroy looked up at Paul wide-eyed and arfed. Not to be outdone by his brother, Search waited for Paul to feed him and had a major diaper blowout. But both, feeling better with more room in their tummies, rewarded Paul with a grin.

(Not the actual wedding dress)

The muppets were very spoiled. The slightest muppet noise or coo and Steph had them scooped up into her arms. Smiles were had by all.

Sunday was wedding focused. The love-birds met with a photographer (my favorite, Keary Dee) and then we bundled up the boys and went to try on wedding dresses. Paul was in charge of babysitting the twins. Auntie Ivy was on hand to babysit Paul as needed. (Turns out she wasn’t.) Aunt Steph is going to be an amazingly gorgeous bride.

Despite my best efforts, I don’t see the two abandoning their new beach house to move up north. They were such a help and great with the boys. And I can tell the muppets love them just as much. In fact, I think the muppets would like them to come back. Soon.

In the meantime, since Paul and Steph have just moved into their new home, I shall make it my responsibility to ensure an appropriate number of muppet photos are proudly displayed in each room.

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October 7, 2010

Eye Sore

Destroy has brown eyes. Search has not yet decided – his eyes average a dark grey color, swinging back and forth between bluish or brownish depending on what outfit he is currently stylin’. Both boys have adorable expressions (see The Look/You’re Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile) and are slowly starting to check out more of the world around them.

These poor muppets have endured far more than their fair share of poking and prodding in their four months. (Today was Destroy’s final retinal doctors appointment. Search finished this process last month.) But I am pleased to announce both muppets are officially RoP free.

Retinopathy of prematurity (RoP) is an eye disease that affects preemies. It results from a rapid and chaotic growth of blood vessels behind the retina. Term babies complete their physiological development in a low-oxygen environment; retinal blood vessels freak out when they hit the high-oxygen atmosphere of the world.

Virtually all kiddos considered “extremely premature” experience some level of the disease. It can be mild and simply resolve of its own accord or, in more serious cases, cause blindness. I remember speaking with Nurse Jennifer about RoP for the first time, before their first eye exam. A pediatric retinal specialist would examine them every two weeks as needed. Their little eyes would be propped open with a wire so the doctor could shine a light inside.

Their first eye exam was the first time I heard them scream.

Thankfully, the muppets were diagnosed with only a mild form of Stage 1 RoP – the closest to all clear they could be. But they had to return for exams monthly after NICU graduation until the RoP was completely gone.

This morning, while I was busy educating the world on the technical glories of Silicon Valley, Jon packed up the muppets and trooped over to hospital. Nurses, patients and visitors alike were apparently awestruck to see Dad alone with twins. “Where’s Mom?” a nurse asked, incredulously. I wonder if she would have been so surprised to see me there without Dad.

As my three boys sat in the office waiting for Destroy’s eyes to dilate, Search decided he was hungry. Since Jon was holding Destroy, Search elevated his hunger situation to meltdown levels. As Jon riffled through the Petunia Pickle Bottom diaper bag looking for a pluggie, Search proceeded to shove his entire fist in his mouth – self-soothing and audibly sucking so no one around could possibly forget his predicament. Personally, I was pretty impressed with the hand-to-mouth coordination.

Finally, the pediatric retinal specialist decreed that so little RoP remained – leaving approximately a 0 percent chance of resulting issues. Yay! Destroy does not have to go back. (The doctor is used to examining preemies. Pudgy Destroy is getting too big and squirmy for the doctor.)

The muppets have surpassed yet another trial set in their path to big, strong, smart, healthy baby boys. Sight-wise, vision problems will not be related to prematurity – it’s all up to genetics at this point.

Sorry boys – glasses are definitely in your future…

 

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October 4, 2010

Getting Trashed

Fall flew in with a fury today. Crisp air tinged with a cool breeze swirling the falling leaves from the tree in our front yard greeted me when I left the house this morning. A far cry from last week’s (and the whopping seven days of “summer” in 2010) heat wave.

Luckily, the muppets and I closed out the dog days of summer partying the weekend away.

We kicked off the fun on Friday night – heading to a friend’s birthday party. The shindig was at a small café. A small, small café. Even before I arrived, I was that mom. “Scuse me, pardon me…” all the way down the sidewalk towards our destination.

We almost took out a Golden Retriever. Although, I’m pretty sure said puppy lived with his own muppets. Instead of jumping or snapping when we got a wee bit close to his tail, the pooch simply turned his head and looked up at us with an expression that said, “Oh brother, this again.”

We finally got to the café. It took four people to get me and my pint-sized minions to the back of the restaurant where the party was underway. Two people each took an infant seat and corresponding infant. Two more of us collapsed the land-yacht stroller and dragged it through the European ambiance.

Now, before you question why I was going through such hullabaloo, I am well aware that the celebratory invitation only included me so that I could transport the muppets. As a fellow attendee asked me if I was going to leave the boys in their car seats since they were starting to wake up. But the birthday girl was already removing them from their restraints to say hello. Don’t worry, she assured me – she’d also already liberated my sanitizing gel from the diaper bag.

The boys stayed awake, drinking in all the attention, and the constant stimulation from their adoring fans kept them awake late into the night. We stayed out and up until 10 p.m.!

When we finished sleeping off our adventure (7 a.m. Saturday morning), we had to start getting ready for our next party. There, we got seriously trashed.

The boys friend Peyton was turning two at a Waste Management themed party. There was a bouncy house and bubble machines, but the muppets were completely pre-occupied flirting with the other moms.

By the end of the afternoon, Search and Destroy were sleeping soundly. I was exhausted, but seriously impressed that I’d managed to get us all to these parties – and more importantly all three of us returned from the parties. A group of us took a photo with our babies (toddlers not pictured). They’re so small right now but, before we know it, they’ll be all grown up. So, we cherish these hectic moments.

And then Mother Nature steps in to tell all us crazy moms it’s time to cool down.

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October 1, 2010

Inspire Me Baby

The twins photo session has been featured on the “Inspire Me Baby” blog – a publication aiming to providing inspiration for family photography.

The muppets are young celebrities.

“From Keary Dee Photography: I shot these twins just a few weeks ago, but you’d never know they were 3 months old in their pictures. Destroy and Search were born 9 weeks premature. They were in the hospital for about two and a half months before they even got to go home. So at 3 months old, they were finally at newborn weight. The session was so fun and I absolutely ADORE their nursery. It’s Calvin and Hobbs theme! The ginormous brown bear is my favorite :)”

Check out the full article at http://inspiremebaby.com/2010/09/29/inspire-newborn-twins-by-keary-dee-photography/

(Minor correction: The muppets were actually 12 weeks early. Nine would have been fabulous…)

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September 29, 2010

You’re Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile

The title says it all. Look who’s smiling now.

Happy Muppet

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The Look

Family legend has it that I was an ornery child. Stubborn, strong-willed and independent.

I was famous for “the look” – an exasperated eye roll that clearly expressed my displeasure with a given situation.

My cousin Mitch picked up the reigns when I outgrew it. (To clarify, I only outgrew people applying the phrase to me – I still have a quality exasperation expression.) When he was young, people used to tease that he’d been practicing “the look.” Well, Mitch is now a teenager. And it’s time to educate the new generation.

An argument for nature in the nature vs. nurture debate, karma has reared its ugly head and gifted my young muppet Search with “the look.”

Seriously, people? Come on...

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September 28, 2010

A Stitch and a Prayer

Today marks four months with the muppets. And even though they’ve only been home for half that time, it’s already hard to imagine life without them.

The other day we received a box. Surprisingly, it wasn’t from diapers.com. Inside were two beautifully knitted baby blankets.

The card noted that the blankets began coming to life this past April – when I was first admitted to the hospital at 22 weeks. And with each stitch, came a prayer that the muppets would come home smart, strong, healthy boys.

As we unfolded the cozy completed blankets, they were a wonderful representation of all the thoughts and prayers directed toward the muppets during what can only be thought of as a very stressful entrance to the world.

One always has a general idea of what the completed craft will look like at the start. But there’s always the danger of a dropped stitch – sometimes what you find the finished project to be isn’t what you initially imagined, but you may just find yourself amazed at what you accomplished.

The blankets are beautiful. And much enjoyed by their little recipients. Thank you.

Thank you to everyone for helping us get the muppets home.

And with that, I must sign off. Muppets are screaming. They’re on a quest to keep getting bigger by the day.

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September 27, 2010

Customer Service

Most stories involve complaints about the severe lack of service – such as my experience at Target a few weeks ago when the customer associates sent me out to the parking lot to forage for my own shopping cart.

And of course, you’ve all heard about my adventures with Social Security…

Diapers.com is a massive online baby order store. The concept meets the needs of frantic, sleep-deprived parents who don’t want to bundle the babies into the cars for a midnight diaper run. And Babies R Us is scary at any time of day. Instead, you can order pretty much any baby item you can think of from the website. It’ll show up at your doorstep within a couple days.

I adore this site. I have taken to ordering all of the muppets needs. Last week, we managed to misplace all of the muppets pluggies. They’re translucent – so they tend to blend in wherever the muppets spit them out. Jon and I agreed to order a few more of the colored variety. I logged on and clicked my way through the process to select two brand new blue pluggies. Two days later my box arrived.

With pink pluggies.

Now, far be it from me to adhere to stereotypes, but I’m also not willing to create more confusion about the boys for nosy confused strangers.

I grumbled my way over to the computer to try and figure out the return policy. Sometimes I feel that’s the tradeoff we choose – convenience for interaction with a human. (Not that said humans are always all that helpful). I found a phone number and dialed. It was a Saturday evening. I did not have high hopes.

Two rings later a real-live human answered the phone. I was confused. No phone tree?

I explained my pink pluggie predicament. The agent apologized and said he’d get a replacement sent right out to me. When I asked how I should return the pink pluggies, I was told to keep them – donate them to a friend with a little girl 0-6 months old. The agent then told me he’d contact the warehouse personally, to make sure the appropriate pluggie would be sent to the muppets.

You can’t blame me for being a bit dubious. Sunday morning I received a personal email from Robert.
“Hello Tricia,
How are you? I spoke to you yesterday and I received an email from the warehouse. They will make sure you receive the boy color pacifiers.
Have a great day!
Robert
Customer Care Team”

I was amazed.

Today, Monday, I got home from work. A Diapers.com box was sitting on the doorstep. Two baby blue boy pacifiers ready to calm nervous muppets.

Not even a full working day had passed since I called about my order. THAT is customer service.

And those of you without small people. Diapers.com has a sister site: Soap.com, for all your household necessities.

This is not a sponsored post. Just a shout out for a business that managed to seriously impress a frazzled new mom. And over something as simple as a locatable pluggie.

3 Comments

September 25, 2010

Don’t Be Fooled by My Size

Most people who meet the muppets coo in amazement at what tiny babies they are. But don’t let that fool you. We now have jumbo babies.

Today was the NICU Preemie Party. The hospital holds an annual event – inviting all the graduates back for a reunion. Parents get to come and show off their quickly growing offspring, nurses get to see how well their charges are progressing and hundreds of kids get to run amuck at a large-scale play date. I was very excited to bring our own 2010 graduates.

We spent the morning gathering all our gear, then loaded everything into our massive stroller and went trooping down the street to the park. I wasn’t sure where the gathering was going to be, or even how big I should expect it, so the three of us took the long route around the park and weaved our way passed various crowds trying to see if we recognized anyone. I began to notice a higher than average number of double strollers passing me – headed in the direction of the park arbor picnic area. My Encyclopedia Brown powers of deductive reasoning inspired me to follow the three sets of twins and one family of quads.

It was kind of fun to be around so many families of multiples. Even in this era of Kate Plus Eight and Octomom, people still seemed to be fascinated by twins. “Oh my goodness! Twins?! Are they natural?” (And of course, there was the one person who observed our stroller last weekend and inquired, “Are there babies in there?”) But today, nobody gave a second look at twins. All conversations were around ages. How old were they when they were born and how old were they now.

On the other side of the colorful kids play area, bouncy houses rose before us like the fabled Emerald City of Oz. Multitudes of little ones were running toward the gathering, screaming with pure joy. From all sides, nurses were gasping with incredulity at how big all the kids were. (“Is he going into kindergarten this year?!” “Well, no, he’s two…”) Once admitted, I made a circular round of the set-up, taking care not to take out any prior preemies with our beast of a stroller. (Everyone was very understanding. Most of them had equally large units of transportation.) There were booths with spin-art (remember that from the mid-80s!), face painting and a magician with a real-live bunny.

It was so wonderful to see so many big healthy kids running around. I’m sure it was absolutely fabulous for the nurses to see “their” kids. But even though I didn’t personally know the families, it was tremendously heartening to know that the preemie predicament was just a distant memory for the parents – and nary a thought for the little ones chasing each other around. Being graduates of only two months, the muppets were some of the youngest attendees. One ex-preemie was 23!

My favorite part was seeing our nurses in the “real-world.” Far, far away from the sterile hospital. Nurse June and Nurse Susan seemed very excited to see the boys. (And just because he loves them, Search made sure to be just as stinky for them as he was in the NICU.) It was observed that both muppets look the same – just a lot chunkier.

Seriously - no exams ok?

I wonder if Search and Destroy remember their nurses’ voices. Search definitely seemed a little concerned while Nurse June was holding him. Of course, that particular look may have just been the consternation that there was no more milk in his bottle. (Gone are the days of fighting to get them to take an ounce in an hour.) Destroy didn’t socialize all that much – “Can’t talk. Eating. Growing.”

We’ll definitely be back next year. But I’ll likely have less time to chat, since I’m guessing I may be chasing toddlers in 12 months time. So while we’re congratulating our 2010 NICU graduates, go ahead and save-the-date for sometime in June 2028 for their high school graduation.

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