Happy Friday. It’s time for the latest installment of the honest truth – toddler style.

Search: Mommy doesn’t have brown eyes. Mommy has weird eyes.
(Green. My eyes are green, kid.)

Me: No splashing.
Destroy: That was Mater.
Me: Haha, I’m pretty sure you just splashed your toy in the tub.
Destroy: Um…no, that was Mater.

Search: Is that Jesus?
Me: No sweetie, that’s Charlie Brown.

Me: Did the Lizard Lady come to your school today?
Destroy: Yeah, there was a snake that went sssssss.
Me: Did you see lizards?
Search: THERE WAS A DRAGON!
Destroy: It was scary.
Me: Was there a giraffe?
Destroy: No mom…A giraffe wouldn’t fit in the classroom.

Me: C’mon sweetie, time for bed.
Destroy: <saluting> NOT TODAY. SIR!

Jon: <opens bedroom door>
Search: No. I still sleeping.

Destroy: PISSED OFF. Mommy, pissed off.
Me: OMG. I know I get cranky, but how does he know?!
Destroy: PISSED OFF
Me: Ohhh. Pit Stop. Like Guido from Cars.

Jon: Do. Not. Do. That.
Me: Strike 1 kid.
Jon: And do you know how many strikes you get?
Destroy: Yellow.

Destroy: <yelling from his bedroom> Umm…there’s poop everywhere!

Destroy: <picking up toy> Is this a grasshopper?
Me: No. It’s a monster/gargoyle.
Nana: I’m never going in your yard.

Jon: You guys are going to go visit GrammaJ and Papa.
Search: YAY! Are we going to DisneyTown?

Jon: OW! We do NOT throw tractors!
Search: It’s okay. This a bulldozer.

Search: I need more rice and beans.
Me: We don’t have anymore. They’re all gone. In your tummy.
Search: Then we need go get some more. At the store.

Destroy: I must run! … … … I’M BATMAN!

Search: Why do we need to put away all our toys? Is the housekeeper coming?

Search: Mommy, are you proud of me?
Me: Oh honey! Yes! I’m very proud of you little muppet!
Search: I pooped.