Category Archives: Destroy

October 8, 2012

The Naptime Rebellion

Destroy was determined to be one of the ringleaders in the (now-quelled) preschool nap rebellion. (I maintain this shows fabulous leadership potential.) Our hero was spirited off to the Chateau D’If to serve out his sentence. (Ok fine, he got moved to another classroom where there were less small people to incite.)

So coincidence or no that this was also the first week the little men transitioned to Big Boy beds? You decide.

Today was the first Big Boy bed nap attempt. Ladies and gentlemen – the sheen is far dulled during daylight hours. Continue reading →

3 Comments

September 28, 2012

Special Forces: Before They Were Paratroopers

The tactical advantage of paratroopers is that they can literally drop into the battlefield, thereby allowing their unit to take up positions in areas not accessible by land.

Sounds pretty fitting for the type of guy who figured out how to climb before he could crawl. Continue reading →

6 Comments

September 17, 2012

Toddler Stream of Conscious

Stream of consciousness refers to the uninhibited flow of sense‐perceptions, thoughts, feelings, and memories within our minds. We all have an internal monologue that guides us through our days. (Mine is the narrator of a novel just begging to be written. Are you surprised?)

Toddlers allegedly have one as well. I’ve often wondered what it is they’re thinking – given the hamster wheel in their head has the attention span of an ADD goldfish. Continue reading →

3 Comments

August 29, 2012

Anatomy of a Toddler Temper Tantrum

“Doggie eats poop,” announced a very awake muppet. This was going to be a long night.

After two hours of chasing tail (haha), summersaults and “Hey Mommy! Watch This!” the witching hour grew nigh.

Bedtime.

Destroy was displeased with this development. Continue reading →

9 Comments

August 27, 2012

Starfish Swim School and the Five Points of Panic

The boys are learning to swim. They’ve been water babies since their first dunking in the NICU tub (which was the size of a legal pad of paper). Destroy has recently taken to attempting the breaststroke in the bathtub (when not soaking everything and everyone in his hurricane path). Legend has it, Search turned down popsicles in Summer School in favor of water play.

So naturally, being mother of the year, Safety First!

Our budding little Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte got signed up for swim lessons. Continue reading →

5 Comments

August 24, 2012

Baseball Is Simply A Nervous Breakdown Divided Into Nine Innings

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.
~Dave Barry (on the perils of motherhood.)

The muppets have been learning the concept of t-ball over the past several weeks. Or, more accurately, taking a primary-colored plastic bat larger than the small children wielding it, and gently tapping the foam ball from atop its primary-colored perch. Continue reading →

2 Comments

August 16, 2012

Vertical Horizons

When I was 15 I knew everything. (And, let me tell you, I could roll my eyes with Olympic Gold caliber toward anyone who displeased me.)

My how the mighty have fallen.

These days I pretend to be an adult while making shit up as I go. A parent responsible for raising to two not-so-tiny anymore toddlers. I haven’t a clue as to what I’m doing.

(The culprit was the kid in the kitchen with the smart-ass mouth? Get it? Clue humor?) Continue reading →

2 Comments

August 13, 2012

A Completely Ordinary, Totally Typical Day

We close out the 2012 Summer School Mud-Pie season with a typical day. An accident report.

Destroy bonked his head. To paraphrase:

Kid was running amuck and fell. Unclear what mischief he was up to that ultimately caused the latest goose egg. Hugs required. Continue reading →

7 Comments

August 9, 2012

The Pickup Parade

S’up, yo?

When Jon arrived home, he eyed the pile of rubble stacked on the kitchen counter. “Why does the boys’ backpack look like it’s been dragged through the mud?” he inquired.

Funny you should ask… Continue reading →

5 Comments

July 19, 2012

Mother of all Tantrums

@HonestToddler: Pre-bedtime hysterics! Amiright? Going out in a blaze of cray cray!

I am aware I was not the most subdued of children. I’ve offered to let my mom take to these here interwebs to provide her memoirs on my adventurous toddler years. She politely demurred. Noting that nothing good could come of that little endeavor. (So that gives you a brief idea.) Continue reading →

9 Comments