Sunshine and the heat rebounding off the pavement. The smells of wisteria and jasmine floating overhead. Freshly cut grass and the sound of cleats on concrete. Oh yeah. Iâ€™ve got spring fever. Bad.
So of course itâ€™s raining in California. Dear Mother Nature, youâ€™re doing it wrong.
We had a brilliant performance in the preschool parking lot this afternoon. I took my keys (MY keys) away from Search. (I know. It was silly. It was the end of the day and I simply wanted to use the aforementioned keys to drive the mom-mobile home.) He was not pleased.
“Major Muppet Meltdown: Exorcist Demon Possessed Tantrum in the Preschool Parking Lot.” We’ll be here all week, folks. Well â€“ unless they tell us we can’t come back. Complete with crocodile tears and flailing muppet arms. Kid clearly has a future in the theatre. (Like mother, like son.) The terrible twos have arrived. Where. Is. My. Wine.
8-hour meetings. A corporate policy banning social chat sites and blogs. Letâ€™s hurry these presentations up. Let my people go!
Editorâ€™s note: Iâ€™m pretty sure thatâ€™s against the eighth amendment. No outside communication! Cage the animals! That will make them innovative and motivative. (That is totally a word now.) You know what creates creativity? WINE! Also, the powers that me may take not when you start firing communicative winecones at their pointy heads. Just sayinâ€¦
Winecone upon powerful individuals who continue to try and crush the small, weak and defenseless.
Editorâ€™s note: Well thatâ€™s just not nice. You know they say the meek shall inherit. â€œYou know the book doesn’t lie. It’s not a question of merit. It’s not demand and supply. They say the meek gonna get it. And you’re a meek little guy. You know the meek are gonna get what’s comin’ to ’em. By and by…â€
City of San Jose and Safeway, this one’s for you. First off – esteemed city leaders, I hate the plastic shopping bag ban. Yeah I get the ecological reasons, but it’s a royal PITA….hate it. Safeway, your turn now. I now need to remember my eco-friendly bags every time I set foot in your store. And, apparently since you aren’t staffing enough baggers, I actually have to bag my own freaking groceries.
Know what’s amazing? How much stuff you can fit into 3 reusable bags if you have to. And, to what ends you’ll go to so as to not have to buy a $0.10 bag even when spending $200 in groceries. It’s the principle dammit! â€“ Cubicle Views
Editorâ€™s note: Heyyy â€“ youâ€™re in my neck of the woods. You know what you can seriously stack in those reusable bags? Wine. Although, now that you mention it, Iâ€™m really intrigued to see what would happen if you took out a line of the esteemed city leaders with winecones. Do you think the whole of city hall would lift off like Up with the amount of bureaucratic hot air released? Iâ€™ll even give you a bagful, free.
Bring on the sexy. Need a little pick-me-up in your day? Check out Elleâ€™s sexy post. Youâ€™re welcome.
And a kiss to those who love us completely unconditionally. Our four-legged friends. I am very much looking forward to my dinner date with my yellow dog this week. (And I am not making this up. I actually have one.)
Hey â€“ you guys â€“ all of you who share your winecones. A smackaroo out to all of you, be you anonymous or not. Happy to help soothe your woes. (And get everyone else laughing.)
â€˜Till next week, winecones and kisses!