Play by Play of Coach Pitch Practice

Little League season has begun. Is there anything more hilariously chaotic than practice? I’d give you an update on our first game of the season, but a California rarity occurred: We got rained out.

Instead, I give you a recap of practice:

4:46 p.m.
We’re here.

4:47 p.m.
Destroy disappointed we’re at baseball and not karate.

4:47 p.m.
Search incapable of running ahead to his team.

4:49 p.m.
Helicopter is circling the field. It must know chaos is about to occur.

5:04 p.m.
Destroy is trying to remove his shirt.

5:05 p.m.
We’re otherwise learning bases and positions.

5:06 p.m.
Destroy is spinning in circles and flinging the ball straight up.

5:07 p.m.
Now trying to steal hats…

5:08 p.m.
Wearing shortstop marker on his head. But still both participating.

5:09 p.m.
Found the right position! Ran to shortstop when told. Then put marker on his head.

5:19 p.m.
Destroy is also still switch-hitting. Or attempting to. Or just confused.

5:20 p.m.
Search is stylin’ in my pink argyle socks. Read Across America Crazy Socks Tuesday goes well with baseball practice.

5:29 p.m.
Batting practice. Coach pitching. The assistant coach tosses ball back to coach.
Destroy: “Hey Coach! That’s a nice catch!”

5:32 p.m.
And he just ran from third-base straight to the bench. Who needs home?

5:36 p.m.
There is a kid climbing the backstop.

5:37 p.m.
I am thrilled to announce: IT IS NOT DESTROY!

5:41 p.m.
Did you hear Destroy? He just announced to the entire South Bay he has to go potty.

5:47 p.m.
Still thinks he’s left-handed. We may need more practice.

5:48 p.m.
Destroy “Bill Buchner” Stream.

5:50 p.m.
Breaking news: Distracted by an airplane

5:51 p.m.
In the kid’s defense, he’s shouted that he’s tired. Attention power down. Control – off.

5:55 p.m.
Group 2 has devolved into a wrestling match. But good news! Search is in group 1, Destroy is in group 3

5:59 p.m.
Quote of practice.
Coach: “What did you learn today?”
Kid: “You have to use your balls to run.”
(Actual lesson taught – run on the balls of your feet.)

6:00 p.m.
On our way home.