The phone rang.
I knew that number. It was the muppets’ elementary school. There was nothing good that could come of this in the middle of the day.
Me: Hello?
Caller: Hi, this is Angie, the school nurse at Local Elementary.
Me: Uh oh.
Nurse: Haha, everything’s ok. I just sent Destroy back to his classroom. He’s doing ok.
Me: But…
Nurse: Well, Destroy accidentally walked into a pole on the playground. He has a pretty good-sized goose egg on his head. He was in my office for about 15 minutes and then went back to class with an ice pack, which he just came back and returned.
Me: He walked into a pole?
Nurse: Yes. It was during lunch. He was walking and didn’t notice it in front of him.
Me: Ok…
<Editor’s note: Pretty sure “walked” is a euphemism for “went charging full speed with no awareness of any objects within the gravitational pull of earth’s radius.”>
Nurse: Just check with him after school to see if he has a headache. He’ll also be sent home with our standard head injury form.
Me: Yeah, we have a couple of those already.
Nurse: Well you have a good day. Destroy will be fine and I’m sure I’ll talk to you again soon with that one.”
When I got home that evening, Destroy informed me he’d been sent to the principal’s office. (How concerned should I be that there is no difference between the two for the kid?)
School kids are already banned from running on the blacktop. Now, I figured, they’ll probably be restricted from even walking between buildings. Further investigation proved he’d been running around the play structure and had a close encounter with one of the support beams.
Euphemism hypothesis confirmed.