Color Coordinated Mortification – Mommy Style

Search and Destroy reporting for duty! Tonight’s target mission: mommy’s sanity.

I *thought* I was having a rather put together day. Productive even. I finished up part of the project I was working on and strolled on out of the office right on time. When I got to the preschool, I strutted across the parking lot – exuding confidence.

Destroy toddled around the corner with his trademark grin. “Hi!” Search followed a few steps behind dragging his lunchbox. (Note – the lunchbox is at minimum half the height of my pint-size heartbreaker.) We suited up with shoes and socks. Once I coerced the boys to remove the cubby buckets from their heads, I put back all the other shoes and socks the brothers had wreaked havoc upon whilst I was indisposed with the other.

I opened the classroom door and leaned forward to pick up one of the lunchboxes. Search had other ideas.

“No! Me do!” he announced.

We set forth toward the parking lot – Search marching along, dragging the two muppet-sized coolers alongside/behind him, while Destroy paused to peer in every window along the way. The problem arose when Search continued his trek right on into the parking lot. We do not walk in parking lots or streets without holding hands. Destroy stopped, raised his chubby arms at me and requested, “Up.”

Unfortunately, on this particular afternoon, Search found this rule displeasing. I (successfully this time) wrenched one of the lunchboxes from his little grip to free a hand, and triggered the mother of muppet meltdowns.

Search flung himself to the ground – dead center of the crosswalk in the middle of the parking lot. In between thumb sucks he let his little body go completely slack before tensing up for another sound-barrier breaking wail.

We were having a full-blown exorcist-style tantrum.

In the middle of the parking lot. In front of several cars containing non-tantruming kids (who may soon become tantrum-y should my happy family continue to prevent them from obtaining dinner). I have no idea where a child of mine got the genes to throw tantrums…

“Brother. Down.” Destroy proffered helpfully.

With Destroy in one arm, I bent down to try and cajole Search back up onto his feet. He was Not. Having. It. I leaned over and tried to scoop up the second 25-pound muppet with one arm. It kinda worked? But not really.

Search threw himself forward. He grabbed two handfuls of my fifties style A-line dress and hurled himself back – skyward.

As I attempted smooth my skirt back down I took stock of my present situation. This was not going well.

Finally, one of the SUV’s barricaded by the muppet blockade jumped out of her car and helped me carry the crazy one to the car. She at least appeared to be attempting to control her snickers.

To the fellow preschool woman who leapt out of her car to take pity on “that mom” today – thank you. For my own sanity I’d like to think we’ve all been there.

“Well,” she shared sympathetically, “at least your undies are color-coordinated today.”

Most embarrassing preschool pickup. Ever.


Filed under School, Search

3 Responses to Color Coordinated Mortification – Mommy Style

  1. Joanne Hamann

    Hey, you do have it together! Color coordinated undies? I’ve NEVER been that put together – and that mom had empathy, I’m sure – I know I do!!

  2. Elizabeth

    I don’t have kids, but I’m sure if for some strange reason I was at your barricade – I would have gotten out to help. I think us women have to stick together. This would not be pity. I would laugh. But my undies probably would not be color coordinated.
    Does this help? LOL

  3. Pingback: Voices of the Year | Stream of the Conscious

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