Out of the Mouths of Babes

Search and Destroy are talking up a storm. Pretty much every other comment is bloggable. I have a feeling this will be a recurring series here – a toddling stream of conscious if you will.

Two and half years old. As they discover the world.

So let’s kick things off with a November holiday sampling. We were home to visit with my parents, who have equally awesome contributions.

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Nov. 15, 7 a.m., my birthday
Jon: Do you have something to say to Mommy? Remember what we practiced.
Search and Destroy (loudly, in unison): TRICKORTREAT!

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Search (wailing): I NEED NANO! I NEEEEEEED nano. Where nano?!
Jon: I don’t understand. What is he saying?
Me: I’ve got nothing.
Destroy: <heavy sigh> Lawnmower. Search wants the lawnmower.

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Destroy: I need milk. PRONTO.

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Stranger at the store: And then the guy went over, under and through. Little fucker…
Destroy: Over. Under. Through. Little…
Me:  <desperately holding my breath>
Destroy: …froggie!

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Destroy: Where’s my PapaStavo?
Search: Papa’s fixing the door.
(Adults were attempting to switch out doorknobs so we could secure my brother’s childhood room during our visit. I know. Mother. Of. The. Year. In my defense, my parents’ house is not childproof.)
Destroy: Why is Papa fixing the door?
Search: Gramma told him too.

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Destroy: No Papa, I need to wait for Search.
Papa: Oh my goodness…him and Search talk so good.
Me: Search and he talk so well.
Gramma: Better than you Papa.
Papa: You should put that in your log. I really enjoy those.
Me: My blog?

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Jon: When you’re a big boy you’ll wear big boy undies. Big boys go peepee in the potty.
Search: <thoughtfully, after debating concept for a moment> No…I peepee in my diaper. <Toddles away>
Destroy: I peepee on Mommy. <legs astride, peepee flowing freely>

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Search: I’m stinky. Papa change me.
Papa: No. Way.
Search: PAPA DO IT!
Papa: Which way does it go? I’ve never done this before.
Me: Two kids, two grandkids and never?
Gramma: Not. Once.

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Papa: Ow! Sheet! Sheet! Sheet! (translation – “shit”)
Gramma: Watch your mouth around the little ones!
Destroy: Watch your mouth Papa. Shit…

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Me: Bathtime, buddy.
Destroy: Ok mommy. Let’s DO this!
Search: I have brown eyes. I can swim.

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Destroy: No Mommy. Your pants too tight. Go put new pants. Too tight.
Me: <stepping away from the pumpkin bread>

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Destroy: Mommy needs to drink more wine.

5 Comments

Filed under Destroy, Family Stories, Humor, Search, Seriously?

5 Responses to Out of the Mouths of Babes

  1. I smell a book coming on…

  2. Elizabeth

    “Destroy: Mommy needs to drink more wine.”

    Out of the mouth of babes!! So true.

  3. Dalia

    OMG- I have been away from the blog for a while (life with my own two has been crazy) but this is EXACTLY what i needed tonight (after 5 HOURS on the phone with United today)

    your dad is TOO funny

  4. So hilarious! I think you should make these into a picture book, several picture books, for adults (like in a series)! Golden!

  5. Your post is in my top 12, and your Pinterest pin/photo is in my blog post here http://www.lifehappensthenwrite.com/2013/01/top-twelve-parent-humor-of-2012-warning.html

    Let me know if that is not OK, thanks!

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