Expiration Dates are For the Weak

Cookie

It’s always an adventure at Gramma and Papa’s.

Bill Cosby once poignantly pointed out

BillCosbyOnGrandmothers-89447

This is, however, not true. Some things remain constant through the years.

(Focus, Ray)

(Focus, Ray)

There is one constant other than baseball, Ray. And that is a complete disregard for recommended “best if used by…” or expiration dates.

(As previously pointed out during the great baking adventures of the 2013 holidays:

Jon: <preparing scrambled eggs for breakfast> GrammaJ, do you have any sliced cheese?

GrammaJ: Um, possibly. Let me check; some of it may be old and moldy.

Jon: Yup. I see mold there.

GrammaJ: Oh here we go. This package is new.

Jon: Wait… did you just put moldy cheese back in the fridge?

GrammaJ: <very matter-of-fact> Yeah, well we’ll just cut around the moldy parts. Besides, expiration dates are subjective.

Jon: Mold is a bit more than subjective.

Papa: <cough, cough, snorfle, cough, hack, cough> Damn cold.

Jon: You know it’s not penicillin, right?

Later that day, my culinary-challenged mother decided it would be a fantastic idea to back chocolate chip cookies with her cutie-pie grandbabies. (See above Cosby bit.) This surprised me, as I highly doubted the presence of any pertinent ingredients – at least none that had been acquired in her cutie-pies lifetime.

Turns out, it was a pre-packaged Pinterest worthy mason jar of stacked dry goods. The wet ingredients, called for by the adorable matching heart and ribbon adorning the jar, were another story.

Melted butter? Can freezer-burned margarine grow mold?

Science experiment sugary treats complete, the end-results were put aside to “cool” (verify that the delectable would not mutate, develop conscious thought, and stage a rebellion led by an army of zombie foodstuffs).

According to GrammaJ, the cookies were up and away on an unreachable shelf, secure from any eager voracious dogs or preschoolers.

Never underestimate the ingenuity and fortitude of a 4-year-old in search of sugar.

Shortly after being told to wait for the 47th time a large clatter emanated from the kitchen. Suddenly brightly colored cookies littered the floor while a very surprised Destroy stood stock-still amid them, holding half a platter.

Destroy: Um… I wanted dessert.

GrammaJ: How did you get those?! They were way up high, back in the corner!

Destroy: I…well, um…I… I have long arms, so I reached up like this… <stretching his little hands toward what remained on the plate and grabbing a cookie>

Thus proving the age-old technique of making adults laugh will, in fact, absolve the potential delinquent of any punishment.

While GrammaJ went in search of Papa – convinced he moved the cookies – I set about investigating why chocolate-chip cookies decorated the floor with all the colors of the rainbow.

Turns out, there were actually oatmeal M&M cookies. I guess that’s better than finding raisins within your cookie – which are really just expired grapes.

And let us never forget, unspoiled chocolate treats remind us of all that once was good, and what could be again.

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