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A Silicon Valley Scary Story

 

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Have you ever found yourself staring down at your phone, mentally straining as you telepathically will the connectivity bars to light up – signaling a genuine working connection? I usually find myself muttering sarcastically, “If only I lived in a place ubiquitous with technology and connectivity!”

You may think such a concept synonymous with the Silicon Valley.

You would be wrong.

More often then not it’s less bars in more places (to autocorrect AT&Ts former slogan).

But then I go home.

I grew up in Southern California, deep in a canyon community between the San Fernando Valley hills. Privacy is delightful; even more so, I’m sure, in 1978, when no one found themselves huddled next to the guest toilet because there may be possibility one dot of cell service intermittently transmitted through.

Come with me, this Halloween week, and join me on a terrifying trip to the most horrifying of haunts a TechMom could find herself…

Disconnected. Continue reading

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A Little Bit Rock-n-Roll

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“Mommy, I need the music.” It’s a refrain that’s part of our daily routine now. We get in the car, the radio magically bursts into commercial, and Destroy demands music. The moment a song begins playing, Destroy starts in with the questions: “What song is this?” “Who’s singing?” “What’s the band?” “What’s the singers name?”

(FYI – Shout out to Siri here for keeping me in the know, thereby preserving my status as mom with all the answers. Simply press button, ask, “Siri, what song is this?” and point phone.) Continue reading

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The Doppelganger

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There is a boy next door the boys have befriended. I was thrilled to find a family lived close to us, as I think it’s an important rite of childhood to run amok with the local youth of the neighborhood.

Both boys were eager for their first play date. “Can we go play with Pacman now?” This was only exacerbated by Pacman’s propensity to roll up to the edge of our driveway on his PowerWheel motorcycle and honk his horn. Continue reading

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Morning Routines

Caterpillar found coffee.

Caterpillar found coffee.

Weekday in. Weekday out. They all seem to start the same. In search of coffee and food.

 

Me

5 a.m. alarm. Nope, I’m hitting snooze; that 9 minutes will clearly make all the difference in the world.

Work out? Why am I doing this? Get it over with before body knows what you’re doing. Fantasize about still being in bed throughout entire routine. Haha. Just kidding. I went back to bed. I love sleep. There is never enough…

Shower, stare at closet for a while to pick out clothes. Wonder why no magical woodland creatures suddenly appear to dress me.

Turn on morning news. Check email. Respond to email. Grumble about adulthood.

Get dressed.

Wake up boys. Remind boys to wake up. Beg boys to wake up. Threaten to take boys to school in their pajamas.

Coffee. Lots of coffee.

Shoe children. Coerce them into the car. Open garage before backing out. Back out of driveway without driving over anything.

We are ready for the day to begin. Or at least awake enough to find more coffee.

 

Muppets

Search

Sound asleep. Snoring, arm hanging out of bed, stuffed elephant lovie flung over his face to block out the light.

“But I’m still tired…” Rolls over. Hides under covers.

Destroy

Melts out of bed toward bunk ladder. Stand up on top rung and hurls self off bunk bed onto beanbag chair below.

Screams, “Mommy! I can’t find any yellow fours!” (Referring to khaki pants that have mostly survived daily wear and tear.)

Search

Sitting naked on the floor of his room. Looks confused.

Destroy

Risky Business slides into the master bedroom, ready to watch morning cartoons.

Search

Appears in room wearing outfit that can only be described as an “artistic creation.” Apparently encouraging Mom to make a reminder to ask the pediatrician about color blindness. Fully aware parents will pick their battles – and stylistic design before morning coffee isn’t going to be mom’s Alamo stand.

Search and Destroy

Get herded out the door. Open garage. Get strapped into car seats. Wait for mom to buckle herself in. Announce you’re hungry and need a snack RIGHT NOW.

 

Dog

Oh my god. I’m hungry. They’re never going to feed me. I’M GOING TO DIE OF STARVATION. Charge them all. Run into walls. Spin in circles. Chase my tail. FEED ME!

We are ready to begin countdown to freaking out about when dinner will be served.

I think I’ll go back to bed now. It really is a dog’s life. And I’ll just find human food to eat after they all scurry off. Or really, anything I can reach on the counter.

Oooh, bubbles. Paper towels. Yum! Just need a good spatula to finish such a gourmet meal.

Feed me.

Feed me.

 

 

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Bath Time Bail Out

Forget it. I'm out.

Forget it. I’m out.

Boys at age 4 are wiggly. This makes some of our routines a bit of a gymnastics exercise.

Last night, the muppets splished and splashed their way through bath time. Once the bathroom was thoroughly flooded – meaning the balance of water was out of the tub rather than in – it was time for pajama wrestling. Continue reading

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Inserting Logic Where It Doesn’t Belong

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Search and Destroy have reached the age where their primary goal in life is to end their brother.

I remember this phase. I still bear the scars from where my own brother and I bashed each other in the face with Lego bricks. We spent a great many hours as best friends before reverting to mortal enemies in the blink of an eye – obviously required to engage in a physical battle to the death. (In adulthood, we are once again friends.)

My offspring are also now of an age where we are trying to instill the ideals of personal responsibility – reward and consequence. Continue reading

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California Dust Bowl

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California needs rain. And I know the upcoming drought is going to be bad. But oh how I’ve been enjoying the mid-winter sunshine. (Sorry to gloat polar vortex people, we’ll be paying for it soon enough.)

I never thought I’d find myself wishing for soggy weather – but we could really use a good El Nino in these upcoming months. Because I use a lot of water. A lot. Continue reading

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