Are you reading A Nervous Tic Motion Yet? You should be. I write a weekly column there – Wineconed Wednesdays. You know you want to throw some. And I would really love for you to join in!
Sometimes you close your eyes and see the place where you used to live – When you were young.
Remember back when we were kids? Life was a lot simpler then. I wouldn’t mind a couple treks back in time, possibly to an afternoon of playing pickle on the elementary school playground. Or throwing a baseball threw the back window of your dad’s Volvo practicing to be a Major League Baseball professional pitcher. (Congrats on your Hall of Fame bid Barry Larkin! You are the reason my California born and bred brother is a Cincinnati fan. I’m going to go ahead and blame you for that wild pitch through the Volvo, too.)
Instead, we celebrate the birthday of our editor-in-chief this week – so I decree we’re all forever young. You’re welcome. (And Ryan Gosling, if you’re reading – our beloved editor could really use a smackaroo. Just sayin’…) Also, we’ve got a man on board! Don’t miss our newest writer Adam’s musings on the trials and tribulations of dating. Or, you know, let us know if you’ve got a girl for our guy. Smackaroos welcome. He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus, but he talks like a gentleman (sorry, couldn’t resist).
Watch it now – here they come!
You’ve seen my bio. Employ a few elementary mathematical skills and you can figure out that I had preemies (million dollar miracle muppets at 27 weeks). So that’s kind of a touchy issue for me. Hell – while we’re on the topic, let’s throw a fully gestated winecone at prematurity (and a bunch of tiny ones just for good measure).
But on a more recent note, you may have heard that the DIVAine Beyonce had her baby. I get it. You don’t want anyone sneaking in and stealing your precious Baby Blues away. (Ha ha – get it? She named her kid Blue – just like the postpartum hormones bring.) But was it really entirely necessary to block parents from the NICU? That’s a place where tiny moments are matters of life and death. I throw a winecone the size of their ego- that outta take out the entire security detail. Henceforth, my allegiances lie only with Beyonce the Giant Metal Chicken. Knock. Knock. Motherfucker.
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Winecone! I’m so ranty right now. My daughter’s teacher couldn’t give a rip about how to maximize my girl’s situation. She’s hard of hearing.
Editor’s note: Perhaps a wineconed right hook to her left ear will knock some sense into her. Or at the very least she can develop some sympathy based on the ringing in her ears.
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Today is Wednesday. Throw some winecones at bronchitis. 🙂
Editor’s note: Wow. Just when you think you’re feeling better. For you, we hurl a winecone right down that airway to your lungs – freeing up space so you can breathe. Also, winecones and codeine seem to be popular in these parts.
Remember when you were a kid, and it was perfectly acceptable to wear a neon tie-dye shirt with your Superman cape and red shoes? Well here’s a big smackaroo to the Bloggess for kickstarting the #TravelingRedDress social movement. We are worth it.
And of course, Happy Birthday Elle! Kisses!
‘Till next week, winecones and kisses!
*Leave your Winecones in the comments or email us at anervousticmotion1@gmail.com and we’ll add yours next week!