Wineconed Wednesday – It’s the End of the World as We Know It Edition

Are you reading A Nervous Tic Motion Yet? You should be. I write a weekly column there – Wineconed Wednesdays. You know you want to throw some. And I would really love for you to join in! (And yes, I do plan to keep harping on this. It’s like being my very own Dave Barry.)

Let’s make wineconing a thing!

It’s the end of the world as we know it. And I feel fine.

You know the Mayans are looking down upon us and laughing right now. Because, let’s face it – if they were that good at predicting the future…(yes, I’m going there)…there’d still be Mayans. And I’ve walked the ruins.

Here’s to all this new year may bring us. And here’s to surviving it relatively unscathed – that’s what the winecones are for, of course.

Uh oh, this means no fear – cavalier. Renegade and steer clear! A tournament, a tournament, a tournament of lies. Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives and I decline.

Let’s. Get. Throwing!

I love my family; I really do. And I was thrilled when they got the chance to come visit. (To visit their grandchildren that is, I’m well aware they wouldn’t have come if it was just me.) Even better, my father is a fantabulous cook. However, he decided to make zucchini. Zucchini, in case you are curious, is a plague upon mankind. And it was being cooked in MY house. Back foul demon, back! Winecones in protest and self-defense of the evil vegetable! (If you’re thinking, “Gee. I like zucchini,” let me enlighten you. It is disgusting.)

Moving on. To my “neighbor” who insists on setting off illegal fireworks every holiday that go BOOM, making my house shake and shudder, thereby causing Search and Destroy to wake up and scream – may your next firework explode into a shower of a million winecones raining hellfire down upon you.


Winecone migraines. I got up to go to work last week. But no sooner did I then my knees hit the cold stone tile. I realized – welp, THAT’S not happening.

Editor’s note: We’ve got two options here: A winecone at your migraine – Vicodin flavored. This may or may not make the headache go away, but it will likely make you not care that you have one. Or, a winecone right at your temple, knocking you out. Again – you’ll be out cold so who cares about the headache.


I want to Winecone the hell out of computer viruses or trojan horses, whatever the hell it is. 🙂 My sweet baby (my laptop) has one and has been gone for the past few days in an ICU for computers. Oh, how I miss it. LOL! Seriously though, I’m going freaking nuts not being able to write on my laptop. Sniff, sniff.

Editor’s note: My apologies if our wineconing missions have caused technology to turn against us. But more likely, a wineconey love tap to make the machine work again. Enjoy the wine part as you await your baby’s recovery. And the next time a Trojan Horse appears, may it be filled with winecones. Bam! Bam! Bam!


Would you please throw a winecone at the idiot parking lot drivers? I mean, they have no common sense. Zero. Really?! You’re going to block the entire lane waiting for someone with TWO SMALL KIDS? This is the problem with society – no concern for how your actions impact others.

Editor’s note: To this, I can relate. I recommend staring down the waiting car with a woeful look and pointing at the rugrats. When they clearly don’t get it – winecone the hell out of them. You may also want to throw a couple extra as you back out to avoid a fender-bender. Or, winecone their driver’s license right out of their hands so you don’t find yourself in this situation in the first place.


I’ve got a winecone. Second double ear infection in two months. But I want to send a smackaroo to the makers of codeine or else I would have coughed up a lung by now.

Editor’s note: Sounds like you’ve solved your own wineconing problem. See migraine winecone above. And on that note, kissing sounds fun – let’s move on to smackaroos. (Love you codeine.)

This one is important. Yesterday the Bloggess posted the hardest post she’s ever written. It is about depression and anxiety disorder. She notes self-harm. It’s not an easy read. But what you should take from it is that we are all survivors. I know many of us suffer from this. And it is thanks to people like Jenny the Bloggess that we’re slowly coming to realize that this should not be a taboo topic. “We survive. We win. We are alive.”

Thank you for talking about it. We are not alone. And in addition to our weekly smackaroo, this week, A Nervous Tic Motion proudly sports a silver ribbon.

And as we tackle 2012, here’s a sweet and simple smackaroo to fresh starts. Sometimes we could all use one.

‘Till next week, winecones and kisses!

*Leave your Winecones in the comments or email us at and we’ll add yours next week!

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