Reaction to the Rain

We live in California; our golden state is known for it’s glorious sunshine and lack of rain. Except it totally does rain here.

(Born and raised in Southern California I grew accustomed to panicked news reports about The Drought, interspersed by STORM WATCH news reports of the occasional flash flood. Then I moved to Northern California just in time for El Nino and spent the winter trying to convince my college roommate that we should forgo our studies to build an ark despite the location of our dorm on the 11^th floor of the building.)

The aforementioned disclaimer out of the way, below are my personal interpretations on how various beings react to the rain.

Newborn
This white noise is soothing. Not a bad location to cuddle up snug against mommy just like it used to be before the bright white lights.

Infant
Sound the alarms! Something within the relative proximity of my environment has changed. I do not like this; I shall flail and wail for the remainder of the day as parental punishment for their inability to control the weather.

Toddler
Puddles! Find all. Stomp. MAKE ALL THE MESSES. My parents will be oh-so-pleased as I demonstrate my newfound agility. I do not understand the repeated attempts to cajole me into willingly going inside. Keep it up and I’ll tantrum. I’ll do it! <Stomp, stomp, stomp>

The Dog
It’s wet outside. Nothankyou. I don’t want to go out there. I need a walk! I’m not going in the rain. I do not like the rain. I will pee in your garage. Hey – there’s new grass just planted in my backyard. Rain means mud. Romp, run, squiggle, squirm! Dig, dig, dig. It’s Doggie Woodstock out here! I love the rain. I will run inside and shake the drops upon all your possessions in celebration.

Preschool
It’s raining! I get to wear rainboots! And my raincoat! All is well with my world. OHMYGOD, my rain boots got WET. I can’t handle this! What do I do?! THIS IS NOT OKAY! SOMEBODY CARRY ME!

Elementary Age
What do I care that it’s raining outside. Water is water and this could get me out of a bath later. Being stuck inside the multi-purpose room instead of recess sucks. It’s only multi-purpose if it you mean me making you as miserable as I am…”Hey Yard Doody! Billy hit me!”

Teenager
This sucks. You suck. My parents suck. I’m going back to bed. What? Adults are complaining about the rain too? I fucking love the rain!

Young Adult
I’m Mary Tyler Moore! Look at me walking across the parking lot to a real office wearing boots and a real coat. The city will be clean – just as soon as all this grime is washed into the ocean via the sewer denoted by a blue dolphin painted on the curb. I’m so grown up – handling weather and everything.

Every other driver on the road
Wha huh? How do I operate this two ton metal tank? I forgot.

Oregonian
Days that end in “y.” Screw you. I’ll be in the living room with my SAD light.

Parent
Fantasy: I’m curled up next to a roaring fire with a glass of cabernet, wrapped in a fluffly cashmere blanket and lost in the most amazing novel, while listening to the heartbeat of nature thrum upon my roof.
Reality: I’m wet. Don’t know if that’s rain, spit up, coffee I spilled down my shirt or a child’s tears because his rainboots got wet. “Get up and get in the car or I swear I won’t leap in front of the lightening that will strike you.” I want sunshine.

Grandparent
Oh how sweet, let’s stomp in the puddles together little darling.

Weatherperson
Omigawd! Omigawd! Omigawd! I’m finally important! They all want to hear from meeeeeee! STORMWATCH PEOPLE! Still raining out there you ask? Let’s toss it over to Lloyd who is standing in the downpour so we can get a good visual of wet. It’s the most amazing weather ever!