We still put the boys down to “rest.” Science may say that naps are no longer healthy after the age of 2, but I would like to invite Science to come deal with muppets after a long day and no nap.
(Also, I am 34 and still greatly enjoy naps. So does most of Europe. Suck it Science.)
So this weekend, we once again fought the valiant naptime battle. Continue reading
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This morning I sat at Starbucks contemplating how quickly time passes. I was waiting for a 10:30 a.m. appointment to register my tiny boys for kindergarten. The first three months of their little lives were by far the longest days of my three decades. And yet, the following four and a half years have rushed by like there is no tomorrow. Continue reading
I won’t sugarcoat it. Valentine’s Day is not my thing.
It is a shmoopy memorial brought into being by the greeting card industry. A Hallmark holiday celebrated via a weaponized fat toddler (who would realistically kill the romance in any relationship with the pungent aroma of a full diaper if you weren’t first snipered by fallen pieces from a shattered Lego arrow). All while honoring a saint who was ultimately beheaded, via the grand gesture of murdered foliage most symbolized for its thorny exterior – evolved by nature to stab you should you look at it wrong. Continue reading
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Have you ever been a member of a book club? I’ve been in a few over the years – any excuse to escape reality, really.
Because that’s what books do. Crack open the spine of a new novel and suddenly you’re whisked away to post-Napoleonic France to seek revenge on those who have wronged you. You’re a top CIA agent, the deadliest sniper in American history, or the wizard chosen to save magic from a dark end. You’re the talk of the town as a flapper married to F. Scott Fitzgerald or a very hungry caterpillar. Continue reading
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Jon’s car began to sputter and cough “Uncle.” Which, of course, was communicated via mechanic bills becoming exponentially higher than the entirety of the vehicle’s worth.
So the decision was made to go car shopping. Continue reading
Preface: I am not a doctor. But I believe in medicine. Science exists whether I believe it or not. My children exist today because of the miracles of modern medicine. Do I believe we’ve achieved the end all of scientific advancements? Of course not. But do I think we should disregard current advancements due to the misinformed beliefs of a Playboy Bunny? Nope. Continue reading
On the drive home from school today, Destroy began to muse about his past and future.
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transcribed by Mommy
Superheroes can fly really fast. We saw real superheroes at our birthday party when we were 4. But you know what’s faster than superheroes? Fighter jets. They go fastest of all.
This year for when I’m 5, I want to bring donuts to school and have a jet party. The superheroes can come and paint jets on the wall.
Then, when I get really big like Papa, I’m going to fly a jet. It’s going to go so fast. And it will be a fast fire jet because it will have fire that comes out of it.
Hey Mommy, hey Mommy. Mommy. Also in my so fast fire jet that does the fighting I’m going to have a parachute rope on my back. Then I will jump so high and fly away from my fighter jet down on the ground and catch bad guys like Daddy.
Yeah. I’m gonna catch bad guys. But then I’ll fly super fast in my orange and white jet.
No Mommy, it’s a FIRE jet. Not a fighter jet. I’ll be the fighter with the parachute rope *in* the fire jet. Because the jet shoots orange and white fire.
Can we go to the store and get a flight suit? Actually I just want a flight shirt. But I need a flight suit pilot costume for my birthday. Maybe I can wear my superhero cape with it. But first I need to be 5 and go to kindergarten.
I got a rock for you at school today.
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I am unsure if he is explaining an early dedication to serving his country as a special forces paratrooper or simply an overabundant viewing of Disney Planes.
Regardless, I now have the image of a little Top Gun Maverick living in my house. I doubt it’s too far off from the actual persona he’s trying to cultivate; he recently served a timeout at school for an impromptu performance solo of Old MacDonald in the library. (Preschool version of You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling? Perhaps the cows lost their moo?)
(Not my kids. But brilliant idea.)
In any case, I have no doubt our future leads down a highway to the danger zone.
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I spent this morning’s commute trying to explain to my sons the concept of death. Continue reading
On Friday I received two letters. The first was from a school the boys will attend in the future, the second from their current educational institution. Continue reading
