Nor’Easter Nemo


So I hear the Northeast is experiencing a bit of a snow flurry. Nevertheless, the boys and I got bundled up for our morning adventure – gloves, scarves, and a Cheshire Cat hat for me – it was 34 degrees and cold.

While out and about we encountered a fellow parent. The expected mundane chatter about weather ensued. The frozen tundra blanketing the other side of the country came up.

“I guess they’re Finding Nemo,” I chortled. (I know, I’m sure there are PLENTY of terrible puns going around. But that’s what happens when the media nicknames a storm “Nemo.”)

She gave me a polite chuckle. “I had boys. So we never had Disney. It was all masculine destruction in our house.”

But just think of the great news reports that would go with naming all natural disasters after infamous Disney characters:

Hurricane Aladdin
Do not be fooled by its commonplace appearance. Like so many things, it is not what outside, but what is inside that counts. And the eye of this storm’s a doozy!

Asteroid Buzz Lightyear
This rock hurtling toward earth is not, repeat not a T-O-Y, Toy! Excuse me, I think the word you’re searching for is “Space Ranger.” Although the real word for the potential damage can’t be said because there’s preschoolers and their toys present.

Tsunami Stitch
Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind. Or forgotten. So head for higher ground! And make sure you take your family with you.

Earthquake Dumbo
Stampeding through the city like Colonel Hathi’s March, this quake has left quite an impression. (Disregard the movie mixing here – that one’s Jungle Book.) But the city will come back together! All we gotta do is build. Make ya a star. A headliner! Dumbo the Gr-eat!

Forest Fire Pongo
As this fire rages on like Cruella DeVil after those puppies, the firefighters have tried everything. Now it’s up to us dogs, and the twilight bark, to help keep the park perimeters safe.

Tornado Lightening McQueen
The wind tunnel continues to pick up speed. It is a precision instrument of speed and aerodynamics. Focus. Speed. It is speed; one winner, 42 losers.

Drought Simba
Conserve water. Hakuna Matata because rain is in our forecast.

Flood Peter Pan
We’re all going to need to think happy thoughts. But those might as well be of a mermaid lagoon, underneath a magic moon. Because those rain clouds stretch out all the way to the second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Volcano Sorcerer Mickey

Zombie Apocalypse Jack Skellington
There’s children throwing snowballs / instead of throwing heads / they’re busy building toys / and absolutely no one’s dead! It’s a pure nightmare before Christmas.

Blizzard Snow White
Granted, this all started with Nemo. But wouldn’t Snow be so much more apt? Stock up on supplies! But beware the poison apple of venturing out to far with your dwarves. Stay safe!

Now…this may come as a surprise, but I also have boys. And while this message may not yet have reached the proprietors of the Disney Store, there are a lot more than just princesses in the vault. I have watched a lot of Disney movies.

Masculine destruction enough for you? (I even included a princess.)

Don’t be shy – what can you add?


Filed under Current Events, Humor

3 Responses to Nor’Easter Nemo

  1. Joanne Hamann

    WOW – I can’t even think that hard

  2. I feel like any storm named Aladdin needs to be a sand storm. The rest are genius though. =)

  3. Heidi

    I’m pretty sure that we need some sort of Beast storm – Thunder and Lightning. And an Ursula the Sea Witch Tidal Wave.

    I read your blog and can usually hear it in your voice from back in our SCU days. I’m glad to see (read) that you are doing so well and just as hilarious as ever!

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