It’s November. Month of my birth and prematurity awareness.
And in recent years, I’ve become aware of the trend to spend the penultimate month of the year sprouting the most unattractive facial hair possible.
The idea is that men use their lip-warmers (which remain as stylish as 80s Flashdance leg wamers) to raise awareness for men’s health – specifically prostate and testicular cancer initiatives – as part of the aesthetic abomination known as Movember.
(Neither of those sound even remotely pleasant. So I’ll suck it up for a good cause. But really, this should be held during October. So we could call it Mocktober. Since that’s what I’ll be doing during the month.)
Here I shall make a pronouncement. There is no such thing as an attractive mustache. To clarify further, iconic does not mean attractive.
Groucho Marx – aside from being fake (grease paint people), are you really going to try and argue that a style now lives on in ridiculous joke shops looks good? Its sole purpose is ridiculousness!
Charlie Chaplin – may I remind you this was indicative a character known as the Little Tramp? Also, pretty sure Hitler forever killed that particular fashion style.
Dali – really? The man was batshit crazy.
Clark Gable – rumor has it he suffered from severe halitosis. Perhaps some quality time with Colgate Total and a Bic razor could have improved the situation.
Rollie Fingers – may have had his jersey retired by more than one team, but the ability to redefine modern day pitching (the original closer) does not translate to style
Tom Selleck – Magnum PI, totally badass. Mustache, not.
So of course, Jon has joined in the festivities. His motivation? “To grow a horrible mustache and raise awareness for men’s health.”
Yeah…he knocked that one out of the park.
I’m the lone female in my family. And with the amount of testosterone surrounding me on a daily basis, I guess a lot more awareness is a good thing. I mean, we can’t have the muppets triumphing over prematurity only to have another evil beat them back down.
This holiday season – if Jon’s nice, he’s totally getting a shaving kit for Christmas. If he’s naughty, well, I make no promises about the fragility of facial hair during dreams of sugar plum fairies dancing in one’s head.
If you’re interested in supporting the abursdity that is the above, click here. At least then it will have been for a good cause. Not just an adult display of, “HEY WATCH THIS!”