June 21, 2013

Victoria Gross
President
Monsters University
Monstropolis

Dear President Gross:

I would like to commend you on the impressive commendations Monsters University has once again received from Monster News & Report. With such a significant reputation for scaring, it is the well-educated alumni of MU who power the fine city of Monstropolis through the technological advances engineered at Monsters, Inc.

As such, I would like to propose a joint research proposal into harvesting the elemental energy of human toddlers.

The human child grows up with increasingly breakneck speed. The current environment surrounding youth – such as Bratz and Transformer dolls – lends itself to a much shorter timeframe of when scaring can occur, much less the collection of screams.

Yet, as a human myself, I can assure you there is plenty of innate energy available to power your city on a much more sustainable level. Additionally, in consideration for the safety of monster citizens, such research would be heartily embraced by human parents (presuming they can muster the energy to peel themselves off their couch by the end of the day).

Your team of experts has long since known the power behind screams. And as Henry J. Waternoose will eventually attest to, there is magic within a toddlers laughter.

However, I believe there to be a much greater kinetic power source at the cellular level. Toddlers (my own 3-year-old twin boys Search and Destroy as primary examples) have an unlimited source of energy.

Despite an initial reluctance to pop out of bed every morning, the energy of a human child actually increases with activity throughout the day. The standing hypothesis behind the biological occurrence of this phenomenal is a combination of the chemicals in blue GoGurt (causing the neon gel to taste like color) and the genetic ability to vampirically suck energy from adult guardians.

• Despite full days of preschool, little ones have the ability to remain awake long past the witching/scaring hour. And ensuring all others are prevented from any substantiated REM sleep.
• A grown relative must occasionally be called in for reinforcements – running children, throwing children, playing ball, causing hysterics and hilarity in order to burn excess energy.
• Never-ending excitement continues to build via a constant stream of questions. “Why? What’s that? Why? What’s that? Why? What’s that?”

Please consider the proposed as above and I look forward to being in contact with your team soon. For the good of all Monstropolis.

Should such research be impossible to investigate, please have the admissions office contact me as soon as possible as it is clear there has been a door mishap at Monsters, Inc., and Search and Destroy are actually little monsters in disguise.

Sincerely,

Tricia Stream
Human Mommy Blogger