Disney – Teenage Saga of Angst

Dark Disney

Ever wonder if Cinderella was exaggerating her tale of woe because she was a teenager. Before we go our merry way villianizing stepmothers and portraying sea witches as bitches – have we taken a moment to look at things from another’s perspective?

It’s hard to be a teenager, especially in a culture of mean girl subtle bullying. I have a vague memory of being a teenage girl. I knew everything; my parents were morons. Or were they…

Cinderella, age 19
Orphaned in her formative tween years, she was already in dire need of therapy. Was her stepmother truly evil? Or did she simply hold her daughters to a higher standard?

Cindy lost her mom when she was young. Perhaps Dad was a wee bit lax on the discipline? Maybe her stepmom merely told her to clean up her room and gave her a midnight curfew. That certainly explains the rash decision to run off with Prince Charming – a man she’d known all of several hours. Because teenage love is everlasting, all consuming, and always a good idea.

Snow White, age 14
You can’t run off to live with strange men without prior issues that need addressing. A naïve young teen, still reeling from the loss of her mother, runs out of town to shack up with seven dudes so she could have all the attention she wanted and no bitchy girls to deal with.

Eighth grade is a rough year. Popularity is the name of the game and gained through conformity. What if her stepmother was merely trying to teach the young princess that to truly be the fairest of them all, you have to look inward.

And if you’re the type of kid who will ditch school at the drop of a hat like that, is there really such a shock to be had by the thought that the “Evil Queen” may have sent a bodyguard along with the royal delinquent to make sure she attended class and cooled it with the mirror selfies.

Ariel, age 16
Newly minted mobility for the baby of King Triton’s seven daughters, there’s a high probability the teenage prankster wondered what else the world offered. The desire to drive and a hot-to-trot imagination – I think we can all agree something more than fishy was going on when the royal rebel searched out Ursula for some pretty potent mind-altering drugs.

Disney may be the fairy tale so many dream of, but it’s definitely worth remembering that those princesses still have a lot of growing up to do.

I knew everything by age 17; shame it seems I’ve forgotten everything on the second go-round of 17.

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