Statler: I always dreamed we’d be back here.
Waldorf: Dreams? Those were nightmares!
Come on, you had to know this post was coming.
The Muppets have been back in town three days. I looked for a Tuesday night Northern California midnight showing; I was unsuccessful. I tried to coerce colleagues, family and friends to play hooky on Wednesday and take in a movie with me. They all said no.
It was explicitly stated on Twitter. “Can’t stress this enough…if you want to see more Muppets, go see the movie THIS WEEKEND. That’s what will convince Disney to do more.” (And if Twitter says so, it must be true.)
So, despite the crowds colliding with inability to find a theatre NOT located at a mall, Jon and I set out (riot gear at the ready) to watch “The Muppets.”
The world’s biggest muppet fan tags along with his brother and brother’s girlfriend on a vacation from Smalltown, USA, to Los Angeles. A brief tour stop by the now dilapidated Muppets studio turns into an all encompassing mission when Walter (the aforementioned muppet Muppet fan) discovers a nefarious plot of an evil Texas oilman to raze (what’s left) of the building to drill for oil.
Waldorf and Statler helpfully point out here, “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think we just heard a major plot point!”
Thanks to an iron clad “rich and famous contract,” the only way to save the theatre is to raise $10 million in 48 hours. Naturally, the only way to make such quick cash is to get the gang back together in a comeback tour: The Greatest Muppet Telethon Ever.
(Note to felt puppets: in the future perhaps think the consequences through before signing your historic building and naming rights away.)
Thanks to the magic of movies, the gang’s all here:
- Kermit: He stuck around, tending to his broken home in Bel Air. Through the subtlety of felt facial expressions, you can clearly see Kermie’s heartache and inner turmoil shouting, “Rainbow’s are visions. They’re only illusions. And rainbows have nothing to hide.”
- Fozzie now performs with a Reno casino tribute band called The Moopets. (With special guest star Dave Grohl as an Animal tribute drummer.)
- Animal is in a Santa Barbara clinic for anger management. “In. Control.” (Jack Black is his sponsor. Remember this.)
- Gonzo is a high-powered plumbing magnate. The chicken is his secretary.
- Miss Piggy is a plus-size fashion editor at Vogue Paris. (Did you love “Devil Wears Prada”? Check out this porcine diva’s assistant – it’s Emily Blunt.)
- Also spreading the third greatest gift in the world, laughter (behind children and ice cream), are James Carville, Feist, Whoopi Goldberg, Selena Gomez, Neil Patrick Harris (I don’t know why he didn’t host either), Judd Hirsch, John Krasinski and Mickey Rooney.
- And don’t miss Jim Parson’s tinkling the ivories in Man or Muppet. (Nerd herd unite! As though we’re not already watching this movie for that precise purpose.)
This may be the cheesiest movie of the decade. And that’s what makes it awesome. It embraces the cheese – harkening back to the 70s glory days of the Muppet Show. The producers clearly loved the memory of Jim Henson’s vision – revitalizing the characters instead of futility trying to recreate them.
Equal part mayhem, equal part sweet sentiment, The Muppets reminds us that these quintessential felt puppets are timeless treasures.
The curmudgeonly old men in the balcony made my heart flutter. The frog and the bear made me smile. And the music made me sing along with all the other adults reliving their youth in the theatre (as bewildered children gorged on popcorn and sour patch kids). These marionette puppets symbolize the simplicity of friendship.
Go see “The Muppets.” (Seriously people, who wants to play hooky and take me again?)
ANIMAL LOVE DRUMS. And to the rest of you I say, Mahna Mahna.
maniacal laugh…..