The Tiny Two Toddler Transition

Tiny Two to College Graduation

The first thing I noticed when I picked up the muppets from the giant cat litter box preschool sandbox was that I no longer have babies – they have fully become little boys. The second thing I noticed was that Search was definitely wearing someone else’s pants.

Let’s go ahead and add that realization to the list of why toddlers aren’t terribly far off from frat boys. And with this latest educational promotion, it occurs to me that they’ll be in college approximately tomorrow.

With one degree already in hand (NICU Class of ’10), Search and Destroy spent the day frolicking with the big kids in the preschool yard. No longer members of the baby infant/toddler class, these little boys have graduated into the Tiny Twos class.

(Relax, there is no kinder cap and gown or ceremony. They just move to a new class and have to bring 276 changes of clothes because they use real cups now and real cups are much more exciting when used to dump contents over our brother’s head. Hypothetically.)

Ten years ago I crossed the university stage – ready to change the world, double-major diploma in hand. About a week after that my parents got ahold of my report card.

One class that final quarter. C- <Shock! Terror! Fury!>

“Did you GO to class?” my mother demanded? (No, I was trying to fail so the school registrar wouldn’t force me out via graduation. I failed at flunking.) Because this is the commencement speech that should have been presented to the graduating class of the Silicon Valley tech bubble burst 2002.

It appears the Tiny Twos curriculum isn’t terribly far off from my collegiate prospectus:

“In this room we learn to play nicely with friends, share toys and improve our communication skills. We will also do art, listen to stories, sing songs and begin being introduced to letters and numbers.”

Sound familiar? Learn to amicably cohabitate with a total stranger and share living quarters. Speech classes, fine arts, English papers, theatre performances and dance electives, foreign language and math.

And also naps. (Interestingly, two years ago today I was desperately bemoaning my lack of naps.)

“Darn the wheel of the world! Why must it continually turn over? Where is the reverse gear?”
– Jack London

That decade ago I was excited and ready to play grown up. And boy am I pretending to be one these days. Today I reminisce about the freewheeling days as a co-ed while labeling blankets, clothing and snugglies.

Preschool is so wasted on the little ones. Seriously – how much more productive would corporate meetings be if we all had 20 minutes of circle time instead of status meetings.

Side note: Have you ever tried to label every item owned by a toddler? Yeah. I’ll likely finish around the time the two of mine are graduating college.

The blankets they now nap on? Those same ProjectLinus.org security blankets that provided a comforting darkness back in Pod B of the NICU.

Back when they really were a tiny twosome.

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