{"id":4290,"date":"2015-04-13T07:06:46","date_gmt":"2015-04-13T14:06:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/?p=4290"},"modified":"2015-04-12T15:08:01","modified_gmt":"2015-04-12T22:08:01","slug":"breakdown-of-a-t-ball-practice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/breakdown-of-a-t-ball-practice\/","title":{"rendered":"Breakdown of a T-ball Practice"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Tball_Game<\/a><\/p>\n

5:25
\n<\/strong>Curse at whoever came up with the terribad idea of parallel parking. Repeatedly thank deities it wasn\u2019t required on the driving exam or you wouldn\u2019t be able to drive tiny peoples to T-ball practice.<\/p>\n

5:28
\n<\/strong>Encourage tiny peeps to RUN RUN RUN across the field to join their team for practice. But not through the middle of the big kids game in progress\u2026<\/p>\n

5:29
\n<\/strong>Realize the magnitude of fashion faux pas of wearing your business casual work attire, including heels, to the ballpark. Squish. Squish. Squish. Aerate that field!<\/p>\n

5:30
\n<\/strong>Practice officially begins.<\/p>\n

5:31
\n<\/strong>Look around the field. Wonder where everyone is. Double-check date and time. Spy a glimpse of additional tiny Royals approaching from on far.<\/p>\n

5:35
\n<\/strong>Coach gathers wee ones into a huddle. Instructs all to yell HOTDOG on the count of three. Explain concept of \u201ccount of three.\u201d Remind players three comes after two. Whatever. Yay team!<\/p>\n

5:37
\n<\/strong>Begin warm-ups.<\/p>\n

5:38
\n<\/strong>Watch Destroy hurl himself to the ground in a hysterical heap after taking water bottle to the sidelines. Let team know that Destroy will join practice when he feels a bit better.<\/p>\n

5:39
\n<\/strong>Jumping jacks. Watch one little man sniper himself down with bad form. Comfort hysterical player. Coach reminds others not to jumping jack onto fallen friend.<\/p>\n

5:40
\n<\/strong>Arm circles. Forward. Now reverse. Watch all dodge multitude of wayward (accidental) punches.<\/p>\n

5:41
\n<\/strong>When all else fails run the kids to exhaustion. Coach decrees all ballplayers jog to the fence and back!<\/p>\n

5:42
\n<\/strong>Look to see why team\u2019s littlest player is lagging. Discover kid jogging with glove on left hand and right hand white-knuckle gripping the catcher\u2019s mask. Note helmet\/mask are approximate size of future catcher\u2019s entire upper body.<\/p>\n

5:45
\n<\/strong>Coach organizes first drill. Fielding. Assigns players positions.<\/p>\n

5:46
\n<\/strong>Coach manually places each player in their designated position.<\/p>\n

5:47
\n<\/strong>Coach re-places each player in their designated position.<\/p>\n

5:48
\n<\/strong>Coach hits soft grounder to the pitcher. Alerts players to this move by yelling, \u201cThis ball\u2019s for the pitcher!\u201d<\/p>\n

Pitcher watches ball run through his legs. Falls on face trying to see how far ball will continue traveling.<\/p>\n

5:49
\n<\/strong>11 of 13 players dogpile atop one another and, allegedly, the ball.<\/p>\n

Realize this would have been the plot of Princess and the Pea had the princess been a 4-year-old boy.<\/p>\n

5:50
\n<\/strong>Coach prys players off one another for the next fielding drill. Realizes players 12-13 are ascending the backstop.<\/p>\n

5:51
\n<\/strong>Attending adults remove all tiny peoples from backstop heights. Reroute all players to designated positions.<\/p>\n

5:52
\n<\/strong>Coach yells \u201cReady Position!\u201d so they get ready to alligator catch (hand coming down onto glove with ball inside). Clarifies any potential differences between alligator and crocodile catches. Assures all players that despite what Wild Kratz TV shows, in baseball, there is no difference between the reptiles.<\/p>\n

5:53
\n<\/strong>Someone has to go potty!<\/p>\n

5:55
\n<\/strong>Consider moving to a sunnier vantage point. Decide to remain cold because there is Wi-Fi! Reconsider said advantage upon realization that hotspot seat is directly in line with foul ball flings.<\/p>\n

6:00<\/strong>
\nOutfielders now picking flowers for mom.<\/p>\n

6:01
\n<\/strong>Short-stop and second base huddled atop designated second base, building sand castles.<\/p>\n

6:02
\n<\/strong>Third baseman on his back making dirt angels on the basepath.<\/p>\n

6:03
\n<\/strong>First baseman wearing glove on his head, looking bewildered about baseballs allegedly aimed in his direction.<\/p>\n

6:04
\n<\/strong>Pitcher wearing cone-pitcher\u2019s-mound marker as a replacement dunce cap.<\/p>\n

6:05<\/strong>
\nCatcher falls headfirst into ball bucket due to weight imbalance of equipment.<\/p>\n

6:06
\n<\/strong>Water break!<\/p>\n

6:07
\n<\/strong>Question whether wet pants are potty accidents or water bottle ineptitude. Decide it\u2019s better not to know.<\/p>\n

6:10
\n<\/strong>Batting practice!<\/p>\n

6:11
\n<\/strong>Coach lines players up in batting order. Sits them on bench to wait their turn.<\/p>\n

6:12
\n<\/strong>Batting lineup becomes completely discombobulated.<\/p>\n

6:15
\n<\/strong>Coach places ball on tee. Batter swings. Thwacks tee.<\/p>\n

6:16
\n<\/strong>Coach replaces ball on tee. Batter swings. Thwacks tee.<\/p>\n

6:17
\n<\/strong>Coach replaces ball on tee. Batter swings. Thwacks tee.<\/p>\n

6:18
\n<\/strong>Question coache\u2019s sanity for agreeing to supervise the sporting ability of 15 4-year-olds.<\/p>\n

6:19
\n<\/strong>Coach places ball on tee. Batter swings. Sends ball sailing.<\/p>\n

6:20
\n<\/strong>Coach applauds and encourages stunned player to run to first.<\/p>\n

6:21
\n<\/strong>Player hurls bat back toward backstop. Coach two-step line dances out of the way of the flying projectile. Make note to consult health insurance plan to check if T-ball coach knee replacement surgery is covered by policy.<\/p>\n

6:23
\n<\/strong>Notice players waiting for their turn have all been armed. Realize jousting is a legitimate secondary activity in T-ball for the attention-span-challenged. Repeatedly thank deities there are no pointy objects in baseball.<\/p>\n

6:25
\n<\/strong>Become mesmerized by intricacies of catcher\u2019s interpretive potty dance. With uncertainty if the squat is mimicking the professional position or delaying the inevitable accident, ask if player has to go potty.<\/p>\n

6:26
\n<\/strong>There\u2019s no crying in baseball. But there is most decidedly crying in T-ball. Especially if the catcher thinks he\u2019s going to have to give up his turn with the mask. Postpone potty break.<\/p>\n

6:27
\n<\/strong>Batter belts one all the way to second base. Fielder (of some position) chases after it. Fielder throws to first base. First baseman chases after ball.<\/p>\n

6:29
\n<\/strong>First baseman throws ball to catcher at home plate. Kinda. Ball flies astray, smacks into mom not currently recording minute-by-minute play-by-play of practice.<\/p>\n

6:30
\n<\/strong>Try really hard not to laugh at adorableness of chaos.<\/p>\n

6:31
\n<\/strong>Runner and shortstop collide. Runner heads toward home. Base coaches try to redirect runner toward third. Practice has surpassed an hour\u2019s length. Realize it is a lost cause.<\/p>\n

6:33
\n<\/strong>Next batter has proclaimed tee a helicopter and is head down spinning donuts. This kid is clearly a future frat boy.<\/p>\n

6:34
\n<\/strong>Wonder what geo-tagged route of base path \u201cdiamond\u201d would actually look like if running alignment was mapped.<\/p>\n

6:35
\n<\/strong>Coach calls kids in for a final huddle.<\/p>\n

6:36
\n<\/strong>Group yells, \u201cHOTDOG\u201d on count of one, two and\/or three.<\/p>\n

6:39
\n<\/strong>Player realizes he forgot to bat. Asks coach to set the tee back up.<\/p>\n

6:40
\n<\/strong>Player lines tee ball into the outfield. Mostly because there is no one trying to stop it and balls roll.<\/p>\n

6:42
\n<\/strong>Player gives coach giant hug. \u201cThank you. I can run fast because I have baseball cleats.\u201d<\/p>\n

6:43
\n<\/strong>Coach tells player he\u2019ll see him at the game on Saturday. Player asks what game snacks will be.<\/p>\n

6:45
\n<\/strong>Squish back across ballpark toward car, with chorus of, \u201cWe played so good at practice! So can we have peanut butter and jelly for dinner?\u201d sound tracking the trek.<\/p>\n

6:55
\n<\/strong>Finish de-gearing and dusting up-and-coming athletes so they are in a state fit to enter the vehicle.<\/p>\n

7:15
\n<\/strong>Arrive home. Turn on Oakland A\u2019s game to enlighten \u201cTiny Royals\u201d how the big boys play up at the show.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

5:25 Curse at whoever came up with the terribad idea of parallel parking. Repeatedly thank deities it wasn\u2019t required on the driving exam or you wouldn\u2019t be able to drive tiny peoples to T-ball practice. 5:28 Encourage tiny peeps to … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true},"categories":[22,394],"tags":[56,1805,838,837,1804],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3Sbzi-17c","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":4307,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/battle-with-the-backstop\/","url_meta":{"origin":4290,"position":0},"title":"Battle with the Backstop","date":"April 30, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"T-ball is far more dangerous than I initially anticipated. Surprisingly, this has nothing to do with balls or bats. I presume those dangers come into play once the wee ones graduate into actual baseball. T-ball practice is on Wednesday night. At this age, practice is still exciting because they\u2019re still\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Sports"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/Backstop-Baseball-300x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4273,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/the-heat-is-on-t-ball-game-two\/","url_meta":{"origin":4290,"position":1},"title":"The Heat is On: T-ball Game Two","date":"March 17, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"While much of the country continues to defrost from Snowpocolpsye the Sequel, someone went ahead and turned on the summer here in Northern California. The mercury reached 87 (or rather the app on my iPhone told me that was how hot it was) as the boys suited up for another\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Sports"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/03\/Tball_Game-2_03-14-15_04-300x200.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4460,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/little-league-observations-of-coach-pitch\/","url_meta":{"origin":4290,"position":2},"title":"Little League: Observations of Coach Pitch","date":"May 17, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"When Major League Baseball kicked off the 2016 season, my sons insisted we watch the San Jose Sharks game instead of the Oakland Athletics\u2019 game 2. I immediately questioned all genetics. But still, I could tell there was minor improvement and enhanced interest occurring on the diamond. Coach-pitch, albeit still\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Sports"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/Angels-300x244.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4242,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/play-ball-kinda\/","url_meta":{"origin":4290,"position":3},"title":"Play Ball (Kinda)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0","date":"March 4, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"The one constant through all the years, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past. It reminds of us\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Sports"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/03\/Baseball-Cleats_01-18-15-300x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4445,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/play-by-play-of-coach-pitch-practice\/","url_meta":{"origin":4290,"position":4},"title":"Play by Play of Coach Pitch Practice","date":"March 5, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Little League season has begun. Is there anything more hilariously chaotic than practice? I\u2019d give you an update on our first game of the season, but a California rarity occurred: We got rained out. Instead, I give you a recap of practice: 4:46 p.m. We\u2019re here. 4:47 p.m. Destroy disappointed\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Sports"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/03\/Coach-Pitch-214x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3589,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/muddy-buddy-2013\/","url_meta":{"origin":4290,"position":5},"title":"Muddy Buddy 2013","date":"September 30, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"First off, I would like to state this is a misnomer. There is one giant mud pit at the end \u2013 which, while fun, does not make for the dirty girl run I was expecting. Really it was more of a Dusty Trusty. Because dust and sweat do not mud\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Miscellaneous"","img":{"alt_text":"Incredibles","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/Incredibles.gif?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4290"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4290"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4290\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4290"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4290"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4290"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}