{"id":4072,"date":"2014-10-13T08:05:38","date_gmt":"2014-10-13T15:05:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/?p=4072"},"modified":"2014-10-12T21:13:58","modified_gmt":"2014-10-13T04:13:58","slug":"its-the-great-pumpkin-preschool-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/its-the-great-pumpkin-preschool-kids\/","title":{"rendered":"It\u2019s the Great Pumpkin, Preschool Kids"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Pumpkin<\/a><\/p>\n

I had the week off work. So in a moment of guilt over being \u201cthat parent\u201d (we\u2019re the ones who never attend any of the preschool festivities), I decided it would be a wonderful idea to chaperone the pre-K excursion to the pumpkin patch \u2013 their first field trip ever.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re going on a magic school bus!\u201d their teacher enthusiastically declared. \u201cIt\u2019s just a regular bus,\u201d she whispered to the parents. I wasn\u2019t sold. All the evils of a school bus combined with 60 4-year-olds? Sure sounded like a job for Mrs. Frizzle<\/a> to me.<\/p>\n

\"Pumpkin<\/a><\/p>\n

I arrived the morning of our great adventure and was instructed to load up on snacks, juice boxes and wet-wipes. Done. We learned there would be one adult responsible for every child \u2013 likely due to their innate ability to worm their way into trouble \u2013 except for the muppets, they were both mine.<\/p>\n

As the parents walked down the hallway to collect their respective charges, Search and Destroy leapt out line to lunge at me. \u201cMommy! You\u2019re here!\u201d Ah, there\u2019s that guilt I was missing. Because who could ever forget hearing, \u201cMommy, how come you didn\u2019t come to our Christmas party?<\/p>\n

A half-hour after our scheduled departure time, we\u2019d finally loaded up the majority of tiny peeps onto the big yellow bus. (NB: Preschoolers think the bus is an amazing novelty; related, preschoolers still fit in school bus seats.) \u201cI\u2019m hungry,\u201d announced Destroy, disrupting me from the revelry of remembering the bullying torment I endured during my childhood adventures of taking the school bus.<\/p>\n

We finally arrived and were immediately shepherded toward the corn maze. Imagine my surprise when I discovered there was no actual \u201cmaze,\u201d merely a cornfield with corners \u2013 and bee pollination facts at each turn. While the muppets flirted up a storm with their girlfriends, I walked along whispering, \u201cIf you build it, they will come\u2026\u201d (The boys are 4. It\u2019s never too early to start embarrassing your children. Especially when you\u2019ve been blogging their entire lives.)<\/p>\n

\"Ugh...seriously<\/a>

Ugh…seriously mom?<\/p><\/div>\n

Alas, dear Search was not interested in learning about honey production procedures. He wanted to know when we got to pick out our pumpkin. I distracted him with a snack.<\/p>\n

From there we headed to the hayride \u2013 the quintessential fall festivity to celebrate the season. Unless you\u2019re a California boy and it\u2019s 90 degrees at 9 a.m. Despite Pumpkin Pete\u2019s automatronic informational acoustics, Search spent the entire ride screaming, \u201cPOKEY!\u201d as bits of hay breached his basketball shorts.<\/p>\n

You know what parents judging me? Y\u2019all had one kid to deal with. I had two. This means my odds of having a well-behaved child were double yours at any given moment.<\/p>\n

After the tractor pull was a ride on the train, followed by an instructional video on how to grow pumpkins. This could also be considered the \u201cride\u201d where parents try to corral preschoolers trying to escape the viewing tent in search of the precious pumpkins just outside their reach. (Or, in the case of my darling boys, partnering with their havoc-wreaking musketeer to rock the hay bale benches in a quest to discover if it were possible to make them disintegrate. It is.)<\/p>\n

Finally the moment of truth arrived. The purpose of the pumpkin patch field trip. It was time PICK YOUR PUMPKIN.<\/p>\n

\"Pumpkin<\/a><\/p>\n

All the little ones were herded into the \u201csugar size\u201d patch \u2013 a small enclosure bearing produce small enough for the wee ones to carry themselves.<\/p>\n

Search and Destroy marched out carrying their prized selections.<\/p>\n

And then it happened. Search dropped his pumpkin.<\/p>\n

Splat.<\/p>\n

So much excitement leading up to this point, only to end with a child covered in the goo and guts of his chosen gourd.<\/p>\n

Standing shell-shocked in the slime of an exploded squash, Search took a moment to gather his bearings before releasing an almighty wail<\/p>\n

(For those following along from the beginning of our preemie journey \u2013 good news. His lungs can most certainly fill to capacity.)<\/p>\n

The very nice pumpkin people quickly replaced his pumpkin puree with a brand new pumpkin prize. Whether this was due to a wailing decibel heard across the greater Bay Area or their innate generosity will never be known. My guess is more the desire to shuttle all the little ones back onto the bus in preparation for the next Groundhog Day go-round of pumpkin selections.<\/p>\n

The entire excursion was only two hours. All were exhausted. Search and Destroy passed out in my lap \u2013 the adorableness rendering any misgivings moot. There is something special about the magic of this age, even moving parents to sympathize with the pulverized pumpkin.<\/p>\n

Preschool teachers do not get paid enough. And I was only contending with my two.<\/p>\n

\"Pumpkin<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I had the week off work. So in a moment of guilt over being \u201cthat parent\u201d (we\u2019re the ones who never attend any of the preschool festivities), I decided it would be a wonderful idea to chaperone the pre-K excursion … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true},"categories":[12,19,377],"tags":[1710,1709,388,1708],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3Sbzi-13G","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":794,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/the-great-pumpkin-heist\/","url_meta":{"origin":4072,"position":0},"title":"The Great Pumpkin\u00a0Heist","date":"October 29, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"The muppets are in bed. Last night, they slept for nine hours. I suppose I shouldn\u2019t be that surprised \u2013 they\u2019ve had a busy week. Yesterday, they came to visit me at work \u2013 in costume. With so many colors, lights and new people moving all around them, it was\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Family Stories"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3587,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/down-and-dirty-preschool-pickup\/","url_meta":{"origin":4072,"position":1},"title":"Down and Dirty Preschool Pickup","date":"September 26, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Preschool pickup could have gone better today. Read ahead at your own risk. I got the day\u2019s rundown when I went to sign the boys out. \u201cDestroy\u2019s in a pull-up because he asked for one to poop in.\u201d Hey! That\u2019s great! Smooth sailing sign out and just another day for\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Humor"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/White-Flag-300x258.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2524,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/something-funny-happened-on-the-way-home\/","url_meta":{"origin":4072,"position":2},"title":"Something Funny Happened on the Way Home","date":"May 30, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"You think by making it through the day without a call saying the kids are hysterical that the first day in the Tiny Two\u2019s class was a rousing success. I showed up to the sandbox. The yard doody lady called out Search\u2019s name. Five kids looked up. Because there are\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Family Stories"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/45106433738279584_KNIV5jxT_f-300x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3785,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/parents-you-see-at-the-preschool-parade-pickup-a-z\/","url_meta":{"origin":4072,"position":3},"title":"Parents You See at the Preschool Parade Pickup A-Z","date":"February 24, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"We\u2019re working on the ABCs with the muppets. As you can see, we\u2019re missing some. But we\u2019re moving forward \u2013 and it\u2019s part of the ongoing curriculum at school. Hey! There\u2019s a teaching moment right there is for all the types of parents one may encounter at drop-off. A is\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Humor"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3544,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/what-i-did-over-my-summer-vacation\/","url_meta":{"origin":4072,"position":4},"title":"What I Did Over My Summer Vacation","date":"September 5, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"For a week I wore no pants. My makeup was the slight burn of the sun turning to tan. My hair was dried by the air and styled by the salty sea breeze. We only went indoors to sleep. But now, it has come time to return to reality. To\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Vacation"","img":{"alt_text":"Jon went fishing. So did the muppets.","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/Fishing-1024x512.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2853,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/parties-pumpkins-and-ponies\/","url_meta":{"origin":4072,"position":5},"title":"Parties Pumpkins and Ponies","date":"October 22, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cThis kind of blog just writes itself, doesn\u2019t it?\u201d smirked Jon as he was sent back to the store for last minute sherbet. It was the annual Mama\u2019s Halloween party. Ten small peeps (between the ages of 4 months and 4 years) descended upon my house to join the muppets\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Celebrations"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/10\/Brothers_PonyHorse_10-21-12-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4072"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4072"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4072\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4072"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4072"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4072"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}