{"id":3977,"date":"2014-08-06T07:19:03","date_gmt":"2014-08-06T14:19:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/?p=3977"},"modified":"2014-08-06T09:31:38","modified_gmt":"2014-08-06T16:31:38","slug":"must-love-dogs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/must-love-dogs\/","title":{"rendered":"Must Love Dogs"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Cooper\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Dogs make me happy.<\/p>\n

The unconditional love. The uncontained excitement so intense they can\u2019t help but piddle on the kitchen rug because you\u2019ve been gone for forever (or 20 minutes). The cuddles. The pathetic puppy dog eyes because oh my god they\u2019re starving and will absolutely die if you don\u2019t share that loaf of French bread. The exasperated sighs echoing your own frustrations when you share your concerns. And the overwhelming affection \u2013 each in their own way.<\/p>\n

Cooper is our yellow lab.<\/a> He\u2019s getting on in years (11.5 trips around the sun so far). And as elderly labs are wont to do, he\u2019s got a lot of fatty tissue tumors bulging about on his body. While most are harmlessly benign, one on his tushy began to get uncomfortably large.<\/p>\n

It started to affect his ability to poop. (Because we\u2019re all about pooping issues here in the Stream household.) When it started getting aggressively large at an alarming pace, we headed back to the vet.<\/p>\n

\u201cHmm,\u201d pondered our doggie doc. \u201cI don\u2019t like the look of these cells\u2026\u201d Oh yeah? Well I don\u2019t like the sound of that statement. (But I think we both agreed the smell of a tumor-impacted toot was unpleasant.)<\/p>\n

The presumed diagnosis was liposarcoma, an uncommon type of tumorous cancer most often found in older dogs but easily treatable. (Again with the smart Stream propensity to get fixable cancer<\/a>.) Surgery was scheduled.<\/p>\n

Below is my interpretation of our black lab, Scout\u2019s, reaction to surgery day:<\/p>\n

The alarm went off. I heard it. No one has dished out breakfast. Maybe they didn\u2019t hear. Oh god! What if they forgot? You guys? Hey! Down here! I\u2019m hungry. Oh my god, they\u2019re getting dressed. THINGS ARE OUT OF ORDER.<\/em><\/p>\n

Why are the tiny humans hugging my brother Cooper? I want to be hugged. Hi. I love you. I will drool on you. Don\u2019t cry, tiny human! I wouldn\u2019t be so slobbery if I wasn\u2019t so hungry. <\/em><\/p>\n

OH MY GOD NO ONE HAS FED US!<\/em><\/p>\n

Oh look! Dad\u2019s getting out the leash. We\u2019re going for a walk. There are lots of friends in the neighborhood. Dad. Hey, dad \u2013 you forgot my leash. It\u2019s just my brother Cooper there. Oh god. Oh my god. He\u2019s leaving without me. <\/em><\/p>\n

Wait. Mom just ordered me outside. She has the food shovel. Yay! I love food. Oh god, but Dad\u2019s got leashes. Walk. Eat. Walk. Eat. I\u2019ll just run in circles. I know, if I catch my tail it\u2019ll make the decision for me.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ow. I ran into the door. It\u2019s closed.<\/em><\/p>\n

Dad\u2019s back! Wait. Where\u2019s Cooper? Oh god, Dad lost Cooper. Mom! Cooper\u2019s gone. DO SOMETHING! <\/em><\/p>\n

I will squish myself into the front door until he returns. DOES NO ONE UNDERSTAND THE CRISIS?<\/em><\/p>\n

I am sad. Unless you have more food for me.<\/em><\/p>\n

Cooper made it through surgery, albeit stoned beyond belief on anesthesia. For now, my snow-faced buddy is dozing away \u2013 pain killers keeping him comfortable and leaving only the humiliation of a bald bottom. (A small victory \u2013 no cone of shame currently needed.)<\/p>\n

When I got home, he struggled to leap up to greet me as he always does. \u201cIt\u2019s the thought that counts,\u201d I praised him when he drunkenly toppled right back over.<\/p>\n

He is presently wobbling around outside under the guise of doing his business. I am not fooled. His business is clearly searching for his tennis ball.<\/p>\n

There aren\u2019t any out there. I hid them. It\u2019s for his own good. Because I love dogs. And they make me happy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dogs make me happy. The unconditional love. The uncontained excitement so intense they can\u2019t help but piddle on the kitchen rug because you\u2019ve been gone for forever (or 20 minutes). The cuddles. The pathetic puppy dog eyes because oh my … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true},"categories":[638],"tags":[1459,97,1662,1663,279],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3Sbzi-129","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2060,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/why-our-dogs-flunked-obedience-school\/","url_meta":{"origin":3977,"position":0},"title":"Why Our Dogs Flunked Obedience School","date":"December 23, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Jon: Our dog ate an entire box of packing peanuts. Do I need to bring him in? Vet: Packing peanuts? Jon: Yes \u2013 those Styrofoamy twisty things they put in boxes to protect stuff. Vet: A box? Jon: Yes \u2013 the box was about half full. It was about a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Humor"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4324,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/stranger-danger-at-the-mall\/","url_meta":{"origin":3977,"position":1},"title":"Stranger Danger at the Mall","date":"May 13, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Last night I went to dinner with a friend from out of town. (It was Clinton Fitch, aka my TechMom Tuesday editor. This is not entirely relevant to the story, but an excellent opportunity for a plug that I shan\u2019t hesitate to take.) We discussed mobile trends and the directions\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Miscellaneous"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/Suspicious-Dog-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3111,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/dog-behavior\/","url_meta":{"origin":3977,"position":2},"title":"Dog Behavior","date":"February 18, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"I like dogs. They make me happy. I have two. They are buffoons. They are the living embodiment of Pinky and the Brain. They hurl themselves at the door when the FedEx man arrives with our daily delivery of diapers. They frantically bolt from the house to bark at the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Pets"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/02\/Lucy-300x242.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3458,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/book-review-trident-k9-warriors\/","url_meta":{"origin":3977,"position":3},"title":"Book Review: Trident K9 Warriors","date":"July 12, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"When we finally brought Destroy home from the hospital, we sat him in his tiny baby bouncer and gently introduced him to the family dogs. We did the same when Search came home three days later. Each time, our yellow lab Cooper eyed them suspiciously. \u201cCan they throw a ball?\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Books"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/07\/Dog-and-Boy-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1148,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/doggies-say-woof\/","url_meta":{"origin":3977,"position":4},"title":"Doggies Say Woof","date":"February 9, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"I am a dog person. I have a firm belief that dogs make people happy. In fact, during my hospital confinement I was even prescribed canine therapy. (This may or may not have had anything to do with my emotional meltdown during my first in-patient stint, in which I demanded\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Family Stories"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/streamdoubletrouble.files.wordpress.com\/2011\/02\/cooper_05-16-08.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":871,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/doggie-dilemma\/","url_meta":{"origin":3977,"position":5},"title":"Doggie Dilemma","date":"November 21, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"The muppets were having a grand time exploring and discovering this evening. Search was hanging out in the Bumbo chair and Destroy was enjoying some tummy time. He can practically push himself all the way up onto his elbows. \u201cLook at you, Destroy!\u201d I cheered, \u201cGood job!\u201d He lifted his\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Family Stories"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/streamdoubletrouble.files.wordpress.com\/2010\/11\/scout-02.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3977"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3977"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3977\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3977"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3977"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3977"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}