{"id":3915,"date":"2014-06-09T07:30:10","date_gmt":"2014-06-09T14:30:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/?p=3915"},"modified":"2014-06-10T11:18:33","modified_gmt":"2014-06-10T18:18:33","slug":"banishment-from-the-ball-pit","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/banishment-from-the-ball-pit\/","title":{"rendered":"Banishment from the Ball Pit"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Ball<\/a><\/p>\n

We arrived at our destination and immediately realized that the \u201cEconomy\u201d rental car selection was not actually a feasible option. So one upgrade later, and after schlepping tiny people and all accompanying suitcases, seats and miscellaneous stuff out to our new Subaru DadMobile, it became apparent our Dollar had not stretched far enough \u2013 the keys and the car did not match.<\/p>\n

So we kicked off our vacation with a stunning tour of the PDX short-term parking garage, as part of a life-size matching game. (Age-appropriate development games for the muppets every step of the way.)<\/p>\n

Several hours later we were checked in to our hotel ready for adventure. We were in for a treat: an evening at Papas Pizza Parlor. A name destination because it had a ball pit.<\/p>\n

A ball pit.<\/p>\n

A cesspool of cooties.<\/p>\n

Oh god the germs. THE GERMS! I wailed. What pestilence of plague would befall us in an enclosed netted area encompassing unsanitized primary-colored plastic spheres slimy with sweat, snot and spittle.<\/p>\n

There was not enough hand sanitizer in the world to get me through this.<\/p>\n

For those of you who are mirthfully smirking at my poetically licensed\u00a0embellishments \u2013 know that the boys were about to frolic in the allergy-soaked interiors of the Grass Seed Capital of the World. (It says so on the I-5 sign.)<\/p>\n

I was already popping Claritin and Benadryl like all-you-can-eat appetizers, so I can only imagine the effect on parts of the population who\u2019d been exposed to the poisonous pollen for far more than four hours.<\/p>\n

But, as is wont to be with the preschool set, Search and Destroy paid no heed to the dangers lurking in a play structure that had never felt the warmth of a Clorox disinfectant wipe and dove right in \u2013 bouncing and bonking with the entire set up to themselves.<\/p>\n

\"Caden<\/a><\/p>\n

\"Logan<\/a><\/p>\n

Suddenly a 7-year-oldish blond-haired, blue-eyed, child of the corn appeared out of nowhere. He darted up to the bored high school kid guarding the play area.<\/p>\n

\u201cThose babies are in the big boy ball pit. They are NOT as tall as the white line over there. So they cannot be in that ball pit. They\u2019re not tall enough. They have to get out.\u201d<\/p>\n

The kiddie-area employee sheepishly looked at me. \u201cThose your kids? They can\u2019t be in there. They\u2019ll have to get out.\u201d<\/p>\n

Disclaimer: No, Search and Destroy were not tall enough for the \u201cadvanced\u201d ball pit. But seriously \u2013 where did this little snitch come from?<\/p>\n

I roused the muppets, cajoled them out of the \u201cbig boy ball pit\u201d with promises of even more excitement on the opposite end of the room. I envisioned Chuck E Cheese\u2019s like full body encompassing balls of my youth (or at least what was shown on TV in my youth).<\/p>\n

Reality check was a 4-foot by 4-foot white plastic base surrounded by 3.5 sides of netting. Red, yellow, blue and green balls were still part of the package, but there weren\u2019t even enough to make a single layer across the entire floor.<\/p>\n

A slippery step\/hop into the enclosure solidified my suspicion that this was actually the more dangerous of the two ball pits.<\/p>\n

Precipitously the tattling towhead thumped into the \u201cbaby ball pit.\u201d And he was DEFINITLEY taller than the white demarcation line on the wall.<\/p>\n

What I really wanted to do was pick the punk up and throw him into the big boy pit. YOU wanted them out of it for yourself, YOU\u2019RE going to play in it. But I thought it might be slightly more fortuitous (or vindictive, one of those) to encourage my son to explain to the overgrown attendee in the ball pit that he was too big, just like the muppets were too small for the other one.<\/p>\n

Instead I discovered Destroy had pooped his pants in one of the ball pits. (The timeline isn\u2019t entirely clear.) So I think our point was clearly made.<\/p>\n

First rule of ball pit club: You poop in the pit, it\u2019s time to go.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We arrived at our destination and immediately realized that the \u201cEconomy\u201d rental car selection was not actually a feasible option. So one upgrade later, and after schlepping tiny people and all accompanying suitcases, seats and miscellaneous stuff out to our … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true},"categories":[624,34],"tags":[1625,1626,1627,1628,1629],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3Sbzi-119","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2524,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/something-funny-happened-on-the-way-home\/","url_meta":{"origin":3915,"position":0},"title":"Something Funny Happened on the Way Home","date":"May 30, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"You think by making it through the day without a call saying the kids are hysterical that the first day in the Tiny Two\u2019s class was a rousing success. I showed up to the sandbox. The yard doody lady called out Search\u2019s name. Five kids looked up. Because there are\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Family Stories"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/45106433738279584_KNIV5jxT_f-300x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2627,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/league-of-their-own-dickheads\/","url_meta":{"origin":3915,"position":1},"title":"League of Their Own: Dickheads","date":"July 12, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"What are little boys made of? Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails That\u2019s what little boys are made of! What are little girls made of? Sugar and spice and all things nice That\u2019s what little girls are made of! You know the stereotypes. Boys \u2013 vocal and violent \u2013\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "A Nervous Tic Motion"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4460,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/little-league-observations-of-coach-pitch\/","url_meta":{"origin":3915,"position":2},"title":"Little League: Observations of Coach Pitch","date":"May 17, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"When Major League Baseball kicked off the 2016 season, my sons insisted we watch the San Jose Sharks game instead of the Oakland Athletics\u2019 game 2. I immediately questioned all genetics. But still, I could tell there was minor improvement and enhanced interest occurring on the diamond. 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On this first Halloween for the muppets, they will be helping me hand out\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Baby Photos"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/streamdoubletrouble.files.wordpress.com\/2010\/10\/happy-halloween.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2864,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/dirty-girl-or-run-like-a-mother\/","url_meta":{"origin":3915,"position":4},"title":"Dirty Girl (Or Run Like a Mother)","date":"October 31, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"I have been doing this blogging thing for almost three years now. Nuts huh? It\u2019s addicting \u2013 craving community, comments and interaction. (Comments are totally blogger crack.) The true extent of my addiction was realized this weekend. I do believe I\u2019ve begun agreeing to participate in events simply because there\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Sports"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/10\/DirtyGirl-bib-300x253.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2384,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/for-love-of-the-game\/","url_meta":{"origin":3915,"position":5},"title":"For Love of the Game","date":"April 7, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cBaseball is a very simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains. Think about that for a while.\u201d I thought about that this week. As I sat on the couch, snuggling with the draft picks\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Family Stories"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/04\/Baseball.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3915"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3915"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3915\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3915"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3915"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3915"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}