{"id":3763,"date":"2014-02-03T08:00:19","date_gmt":"2014-02-03T16:00:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/?p=3763"},"modified":"2014-02-03T12:41:57","modified_gmt":"2014-02-03T20:41:57","slug":"california-dust-bowl","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/california-dust-bowl\/","title":{"rendered":"California Dust Bowl"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"1398448_84391159\"<\/a><\/p>\n

California needs rain. And I know the upcoming drought is going to be bad. But oh how I\u2019ve been enjoying the mid-winter sunshine. (Sorry to gloat polar vortex people, we\u2019ll be paying for it soon enough.)<\/p>\n

I never thought I\u2019d find myself wishing for soggy weather \u2013 but we could really use a good El Nino in these upcoming months. Because I use a lot of water. A lot.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow\u2019s the potty training going?\u201d you may ask. Poorly. It is going poorly.<\/p>\n

In a performance parallel to yesterday\u2019s Super Bowl, here at the Stream homestead there was another bowl battle in play.<\/p>\n

Soiled articles of clothing: 43
\nClean clothes at end of day: 8<\/p>\n

A statewide drought in the midst of the parenting failure that is potty training will only result in a very very large utility bill.<\/p>\n

The washing machine runs on a continuous cycle. And don\u2019t lecture me on full loads; we\u2019re not one-off washing a single pair of this weeks favorite pajama pants. (I\u2019ll spare you the details.) Suffice it to say even when a muppet makes it to the hallowed household room of potty requirement, the field goal attempt rarely makes it through the goal posts.<\/p>\n

The washing machine is already starting to protest. We\u2019ve even had a couple escape attempts \u2013 as it shudders violently and espouses its displeasure via a disconnected hose flooding the garage.<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, back inside, we\u2019re still going through water like a category 5 river rapid.<\/p>\n

My little men may not yet understand the fine art of going potty. But they have mastered the hypnotic value that is flushing. And they are quickly gaining expertise in re-creating the garage floods by depositing an enthusiastic amount of toilet paper (unused), wipes (non-flushable) and household items (like my keys<\/a>) into the toilet.<\/p>\n

Of course, we also have a nightly scuba\/swim lesson known as bath time. Search and Destroy play hard and they wear the dirt to prove it. Sometimes we\u2019re even able to wash that first layer of dirt off of them before the bathmat and my pants float directly off to the washing machine on the current of bath water dispelled from the tub.<\/p>\n

And lest we forget another unsung modern day hero \u2013 the dishwasher. You may have picked up on this by their names, Destroy doesn\u2019t still. Ever. So there\u2019s often an abundance of milk, sauce and other stickiness coating our table and chairs (also occasionally plates and silverware by association). And wine and whiskey glasses need to be washed so as to not distort future flavors.<\/p>\n

I think we\u2019re also supposed to drink water.<\/p>\n

In any case, clearly I need a vacation to the beach. (It can rain here for days on end while I\u2019m gone.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

California needs rain. And I know the upcoming drought is going to be bad. But oh how I\u2019ve been enjoying the mid-winter sunshine. (Sorry to gloat polar vortex people, we\u2019ll be paying for it soon enough.) I never thought I\u2019d … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true},"categories":[20,24],"tags":[1500,1191,204,1501,396],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3Sbzi-YH","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3471,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/when-potty-training-goes-poorly\/","url_meta":{"origin":3763,"position":0},"title":"When Potty Training Goes Poorly","date":"July 22, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"The odds are good that in just a few short weeks you\u2019ll stumble upon a news headline shouting, \u201cFamily Receives Million Dollar Water Bill.\u201d And it won\u2019t be one of those billing error issues \u2013 it will be the result of a washing machine running non-stop for 30+ days. (Not\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"potty training\"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/07\/Iron-Man-e1374463538472-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3276,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/splash-its-potty-time\/","url_meta":{"origin":3763,"position":1},"title":"Splash! It\u2019s Potty Time","date":"May 1, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"For those curious, it is not possible to flush an entire roll of toilet paper down the toilet \u2013 cardboard roll and all. Even if you climb into the bowl to help shove it down.\u00a0 Dinner was done. Not necessarily eaten, but food had been prepared, set out and smeared\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Destroy"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/TP-Disaster-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3701,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/up-shit-creek-with-only-a-single-pack-of-pampers-sensitive-wipes-or-a-day-in-the-life-of-potty-training-twins\/","url_meta":{"origin":3763,"position":2},"title":"Up Shit Creek with only a Single Pack of Pampers Sensitive Wipes (or a day in the life of potty training twins)","date":"December 9, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Morning begins with a cry for Mama (oh who are we kidding - the cry is for waffles). One of the little men is awake. Except he doesn't want to get out of bed. (Maybe if he hides under the covers no one will notice him.) The adult of the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Humor"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/pampersentwipes.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3869,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/devils-in-the-diaper\/","url_meta":{"origin":3763,"position":3},"title":"Devil\u2019s in the Diaper","date":"May 5, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"The true parable of Adam and Eve does not detail punishment by banishment from a literal utopian garden. It is an allegory illustrating the evolution of man; the development of human brains to combat the elements by donning clothing, thus leading to the invention of potty training. Pop quiz: Q.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Milestones"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3475,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/the-terror-of-public-restrooms\/","url_meta":{"origin":3763,"position":4},"title":"The Terror of Public Restrooms","date":"July 24, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Our tour of every public restroom in the great state of California has begun. As much as I\u2019d like to just hide at home during the (glacially slow going) training phase of potty skills, after a certain amount of peepee mopping, you\u2019ve just gotta get out. And this requires asking\/encouraging\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Milestones"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3587,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/down-and-dirty-preschool-pickup\/","url_meta":{"origin":3763,"position":5},"title":"Down and Dirty Preschool Pickup","date":"September 26, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Preschool pickup could have gone better today. Read ahead at your own risk. I got the day\u2019s rundown when I went to sign the boys out. \u201cDestroy\u2019s in a pull-up because he asked for one to poop in.\u201d Hey! That\u2019s great! Smooth sailing sign out and just another day for\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Humor"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/White-Flag-300x258.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3763"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3763"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3763\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3763"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3763"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3763"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}