{"id":3753,"date":"2014-01-29T07:45:32","date_gmt":"2014-01-29T15:45:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/?p=3753"},"modified":"2014-01-29T09:30:33","modified_gmt":"2014-01-29T17:30:33","slug":"inability-to-focus","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/inability-to-focus\/","title":{"rendered":"Inability to Focus"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Glasses\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cYou have a problem focusing,\u201d the doctor informed me.<\/p>\n

Well thank you Captain Obvious. Just call me Doug the Dog from \u201cUp.\u201d SQUIRREL!<\/p>\n

I live with preschoolers \u2013 two of them. The cumulative attention span of our entire household equals that of a near-sighted goldfish.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Even when one of the muppets enters a hyper-focus phase, such as the desperate need to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, their attention span drifts off in spurts. Destroy will remain glued to his show, but those delectable 24 minutes are spent seated, standing, sideways and summersaulting.<\/p>\n

Search goes though phases perseverating on various vices \u2013 his beloved pink dollhouse, a fire truck, or the red Cars jammies. (I bought four pairs of those pjs to prevent unnecessary potty incident laundry room nightmares. Is that enabling?)<\/p>\n

\u201cYou need reading glasses,\u201d the ophthalmologist clarified.<\/p>\n

Oh.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d gone in for my annual eye exam. The doc handed me his little black paddle and instructed me to cover my left eye before flipping open his lettered eye chart and instructing me to read \u2013 an activity I am usually quite good at.<\/p>\n

I was relatively certain light and dark blurs were occurring on the opposite side of the exam room. The doc clicked his eye chart slide up to the next level font.<\/p>\n

Nope.<\/p>\n

Letters got larger once more. Umm\u2026it could be an E? It may also be a plant. One of those.<\/p>\n

Doc laughed and began fiddling with lens caps. He held up a glass monocle in front of my open eye, noting, \u201cOk, here\u2019s where your prescription should be.\u201d<\/p>\n

Holy crap! I SEE LETTERS! (Totally better than dead people.)<\/p>\n

The hilllllls are alive\u2026.with the sound of muuuusic. (Ok, no they\u2019re not. They\u2019re dead because we\u2019re having a drought in California.) But trees! The hills aren\u2019t an impressionist painting after all. (Which is good, I would have recommended the green paint instead of brown.)<\/p>\n

See, my left eye still has perfect vision, which then tries to compensate for the desperate shortcomings of my right (a headache in so many more ways than one). So when I play their silly little games (like covering my left eye to read their monkey\/plant\/letter chart) things become quite hallucinogenic.<\/p>\n

This was proven when I switched sides. With my left eye? Those tiny 2pt font letters waaaay over there on the very bottom of the previously blurry chart \u2013 PDCOSK, bitches!<\/p>\n

I know I\u2019m lucky to have made it this far. GrammaJ is pretty much blind as a bat without her coke bottles. Search and Destroy already beat the retinopathy of prematurity odds.<\/a><\/p>\n

According to the doctor, it\u2019s not tremendously uncommon for each eye to have a different prescription. Unusual for one of those to be 20\/20, but not unheard of. Just more proof of my right-brained creativity. Or that my brain is melting from within. One of those.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cYou have a problem focusing,\u201d the doctor informed me. Well thank you Captain Obvious. Just call me Doug the Dog from \u201cUp.\u201d SQUIRREL! I live with preschoolers \u2013 two of them. The cumulative attention span of our entire household equals … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true},"categories":[21,22,624],"tags":[1492,1491,1490,1494,1493,1489],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3Sbzi-Yx","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3312,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/the-attention-span-of-a-toddler\/","url_meta":{"origin":3753,"position":0},"title":"The Attention Span of a Toddler","date":"May 22, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"You may have noticed that most small ones have the attention span of a newt. And although I do not deem to know precisely the intentions of the diapered hamster in my son's brain, toddling furiously upon his wheel, I\u2019m pretty confident in asserting the thoughts are all over the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Destroy"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/05\/Squirrel-300x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3983,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/techmom-tuesday-oneday-at-a-time\/","url_meta":{"origin":3753,"position":1},"title":"TechMom Tuesday: OneDay at a Time","date":"August 14, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"I write a monthly column over at\u00a0AlliOSNews. It\u2019s a techie site \u2013 extolling all the goodies and gunpowder on the Apple OS. (SHINY TOY!) I\u2019m TechMom. And these are my stories on how technology is really used. This is what you must deal with, as I am a Silicon Valley\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "TechMomTuesday"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4234,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/inserting-logic-where-it-doesnt-belong\/","url_meta":{"origin":3753,"position":2},"title":"Inserting Logic Where It Doesn\u2019t Belong","date":"February 25, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Search and Destroy have reached the age where their primary goal in life is to end their brother. I remember this phase. I still bear the scars from where my own brother and I bashed each other in the face with Lego bricks. We spent a great many hours as\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Health"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3320,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/u-s-news-world-report-premature-births-twitter-chat\/","url_meta":{"origin":3753,"position":3},"title":"U.S. News & World Report: Premature Births Twitter Chat","date":"May 21, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"This Thursday, U.S. News & World Report, the American Academy of Pediatrics, Children\u2019s Hospital of Philadelphia, and March of Dimes are hosting a live Twitter chat about premature births in the United States. Experts are prepared to discuss the latest research and innovations in therapy. They will cover prevention and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Admin"","img":{"alt_text":"TwitterChat","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/05\/TwitterChat.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2790,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/toddler-stream-of-conscious\/","url_meta":{"origin":3753,"position":4},"title":"Toddler Stream of Conscious","date":"September 17, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Stream of consciousness refers to the uninhibited flow of sense\u2010perceptions, thoughts, feelings, and memories within our minds. We all have an internal monologue that guides us through our days. (Mine is the narrator of a novel just begging to be written. Are you surprised?) Toddlers allegedly have one as well.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Destroy"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2202,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/redbook-things-never-to-say-to-a-woman-at-6-a-m\/","url_meta":{"origin":3753,"position":5},"title":"Redbook \u2013 Things Never to Say To a Woman at 6 a.m.","date":"February 16, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"STOP THE PRESSES! (Actually, don't stop - since they're presently printing me.) Drop everything and go find a copy of Redbook Magazine \u2013 March 2012 edition! RIGHT NOW. I\u2019ll wait. (You\u2019re looking for page 19.) My first piece in a nationally syndicated magazine has just hit newsstands. 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