{"id":3666,"date":"2013-11-20T07:31:17","date_gmt":"2013-11-20T15:31:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/?p=3666"},"modified":"2013-11-20T09:02:31","modified_gmt":"2013-11-20T17:02:31","slug":"the-hardest-age-is-the-one-theyre-at","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/the-hardest-age-is-the-one-theyre-at\/","title":{"rendered":"The Hardest Age is the One They\u2019re At"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Rockwell_1958_Before-the-shot\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I tiptoed into the bedroom. After an hour and a half of naptime hysterics, Destroy had finally passed out and was sound asleep. His bare naked bottom was stuck straight up in the air.<\/p>\n

Part of the tantruming routine involved frenziedly ripping his pants from his body. A full blown, mind-numbingly impressive, the power of Christ compels you exorcist, clearly possessed melt down ensued. Again.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Age 3.5 is clearly the hardest age. It\u2019s all about the poop. They don\u2019t want to use the potty, so their tummy hurts. But we really want them to use the potty because my house smells like pee. Plus they now have just enough vocabulary skills to excitedly express their desire to do precisely the opposite of whatever has just been requested.<\/p>\n

Also they are now larger and harder to catch.<\/p>\n

Birth was hard. I thought having a preemie would obviously be the hardest stage. That whole tricky concept of learning to breathe.<\/p>\n

Bringing home an infant was hard. What do I do with them? They just kind of lie there helplessly. Completely and totally dependent for every aspect of life \u2013 no pressure.<\/p>\n

Before they could talk, I thought it would be easier when they could just tell me what was wrong\/what hurt. Before they could walk, I thought it would be easier when they could propel their own bodies toward the car after school.<\/p>\n

And it is \u2013 easier. But they also spend hours repeating themselves until they receive the preferred reaction as well as informing me that they do not want to follow along with the prescribed program. Just because they have the ability to walk under their own power, generally means they will run in the precise opposite direction or become a limp noodle.<\/p>\n

And they keep getting larger and harder to catch.<\/p>\n

Someday they\u2019ll be teenagers. Once again they won\u2019t talk, they will be awkward and gangly not wanting to wake up to go where our routine takes us. The tantrums will still be there, the style will just change form.<\/p>\n

(I recall being a teenager. It is with good reason my parents may have believed I had no soul. The discovery of self apparently first takes the form of pure selfishness know-it-all.)<\/p>\n

We raise our children to the best of our abilities. We strive to provide them with the wit, determination and prowess to succeed. It is the give and take of parenthood that we bestow upon our offspring the very ability to push our panic buttons (or at the very least angrily remove pants in protest).<\/p>\n

Let me dispel any vestiges of hope you may still be clinging to in a grand attempt to delude yourself from the reality of raising a child. Parenting does not get easier. It just gets different.<\/p>\n

Every age has its challenged. It\u2019s always about the poop \u2013 though that may evolve from the literal to metaphorical \u2013 as the fleeting moments of childhood continue to pass us by.<\/p>\n

Our tiny ones keep getting larger and harder to catch.<\/p>\n

Three and a half is clearly the hardest age. Because it\u2019s the one mine are currently at. And I\u2019m still pretty sure it\u2019ll be easier just as soon as they poop.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I tiptoed into the bedroom. After an hour and a half of naptime hysterics, Destroy had finally passed out and was sound asleep. His bare naked bottom was stuck straight up in the air. Part of the tantruming routine involved … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true},"categories":[24,992],"tags":[1450,436,1452,355,1453,1451],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3Sbzi-X8","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3869,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/devils-in-the-diaper\/","url_meta":{"origin":3666,"position":0},"title":"Devil\u2019s in the Diaper","date":"May 5, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"The true parable of Adam and Eve does not detail punishment by banishment from a literal utopian garden. It is an allegory illustrating the evolution of man; the development of human brains to combat the elements by donning clothing, thus leading to the invention of potty training. Pop quiz: Q.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Milestones"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3248,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/things-that-apparently-do-not-go-without-saying\/","url_meta":{"origin":3666,"position":1},"title":"Things That Apparently Do Not Go Without Saying","date":"April 12, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cDon\u2019t you wish you could\u2026\u201d is not a concept present in the mind of a child. It is truly amazing to watch little ones discover the world \u2013 unencumbered and uninhibited by impossibilities. They don\u2019t wish they could. They just do. For better or worse. Because more often than not,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Humor"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/Suspicious-Dog-293x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3701,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/up-shit-creek-with-only-a-single-pack-of-pampers-sensitive-wipes-or-a-day-in-the-life-of-potty-training-twins\/","url_meta":{"origin":3666,"position":2},"title":"Up Shit Creek with only a Single Pack of Pampers Sensitive Wipes (or a day in the life of potty training twins)","date":"December 9, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Morning begins with a cry for Mama (oh who are we kidding - the cry is for waffles). One of the little men is awake. Except he doesn't want to get out of bed. (Maybe if he hides under the covers no one will notice him.) The adult of the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Humor"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/pampersentwipes.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3122,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/sacrifice-to-the-potty-gods\/","url_meta":{"origin":3666,"position":3},"title":"Sacrifice to the Potty Gods","date":"February 25, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"The boys want nothing to do with the potty. Rather they seem to be quite enamored with going through 3,000 diapers per year. So we ordered books. (Because heretoforth those \u201cWhat To Expect\u201d how-to guides have always served us so well\u2026) Search and Destroy love them! They can recite them\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Destroy"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/02\/Potty-Image-277x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3763,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/california-dust-bowl\/","url_meta":{"origin":3666,"position":4},"title":"California Dust Bowl","date":"February 3, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"California needs rain. And I know the upcoming drought is going to be bad. But oh how I\u2019ve been enjoying the mid-winter sunshine. (Sorry to gloat polar vortex people, we\u2019ll be paying for it soon enough.) I never thought I\u2019d find myself wishing for soggy weather \u2013 but we could\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Home"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/02\/1398448_84391159-300x200.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3471,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/when-potty-training-goes-poorly\/","url_meta":{"origin":3666,"position":5},"title":"When Potty Training Goes Poorly","date":"July 22, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"The odds are good that in just a few short weeks you\u2019ll stumble upon a news headline shouting, \u201cFamily Receives Million Dollar Water Bill.\u201d And it won\u2019t be one of those billing error issues \u2013 it will be the result of a washing machine running non-stop for 30+ days. (Not\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"potty training\"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/07\/Iron-Man-e1374463538472-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3666"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3666"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3666\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3666"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3666"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3666"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}