{"id":3312,"date":"2013-05-22T07:40:47","date_gmt":"2013-05-22T14:40:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/?p=3312"},"modified":"2013-05-22T08:56:55","modified_gmt":"2013-05-22T15:56:55","slug":"the-attention-span-of-a-toddler","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/the-attention-span-of-a-toddler\/","title":{"rendered":"The Attention Span of a Toddler"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Squirrel\"<\/a><\/p>\n

You may have noticed that most small ones have the attention span of a newt. And although I do not deem to know precisely the intentions of the diapered hamster in my son’s brain, toddling furiously upon his wheel, I\u2019m pretty confident in asserting the thoughts are all over the place.<\/p>\n

So today we have a guest blog of sorts. Below is an actual conversation (monologue really) as one of everyone\u2019s favorite muppets navigated his evening. I am not making this up.<\/p>\n

**********<\/p>\n

Mommy, when we get to play the shocker ball game with Aunt Ivy? But we can\u2019t go ober dare. That\u2019s not Aunt Ivy\u2019s house. That\u2019s a struction site. With a tractor. TWO TRACTORS!<\/p>\n

I want to see the trees. The tree in the truck. Oberder. It\u2019s by the moon.<\/p>\n

I have two dogs. I\u2026I\u2026I have two doggies. Look! That\u2019s a doggie. Cooper is sick. I hafta kiss him on the head. He\u2019s coning? <Our yellow lab is presently humiliated in the cone of shame after a surgery.><\/i><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t see Lightening McQueen.<\/p>\n

A brown doggie. <Our dogs are yellow and black.> <\/i>It\u2019s a rhinoceros. <Huh?><\/i><\/p>\n

I need to go to the park. I NEED to go to the park! We only fly the kite at the park. I don\u2019t want to hit. No, I don\u2019t want to go to the park. I need to go potty. <He didn\u2019t.><\/i><\/p>\n

<Marching across the floor.><\/i> Tucka tucka tucka tucka tucka tucka. <I\u2019ve got nothing here.><\/i><\/p>\n

Mommy can I talk? Ok. <Picks up old-school rotary style phone I refuse to get rid of.><\/i> \u201cHello. We\u2019re going to eat dinner in a minute. Then we\u2019re gonna watch Buzz Lightyear and Woody and baseball.\u201d<\/p>\n

Are these gloves? I need my baseball glove. Where\u2019s my white ball?<\/p>\n

Daddy\u2019s at work. And then we eat breakfast. I want waffles. <Nice try. Still dinnertime.><\/i><\/p>\n

I NEED FRENCH TOAST!<\/p>\n

No no no no no.<\/p>\n

<Singing.><\/i> Garbage truck, the garbage truck, it\u2019s a bulldozer. You\u2019re head is a donkey. <Did my not-yet-3-year-old just call me an ass?><\/i><\/p>\n

Can I watch Mickey on the TV? I play Jake on your iPad? I NEED MY MICKEY STICKER!<\/p>\n

Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? <Sanity has already gone to bed. Yes dear?><\/i><\/p>\n

Where’s my hippo go? Oh! There he is right there. He has a giraffe. <Clearly the zoo animals lesson was sticky.><\/i><\/p>\n

This is my stuff. All my guys. There’s too many guys! Hey, my shocker ball fell down. My green football! Mommy, why you have a hockey puck in your head. <My hair was styled in a bun, dammit!><\/i><\/p>\n

I not in trouble any more. I NOT a stinker pants. <Diaper change.><\/i><\/p>\n

Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness! OH MY GOODNESS!<\/p>\n

I need to snuggle. Cinderella needs to sleep. She’s a princess. You princess, too, mommy.\u00a0<Feeling pretty good about myself right now. Especially since I don\u2019t have nearly the walk-of-shame hairstyle Cindy\u2019s got going on.><\/i><\/p>\n

\"Caden_Cinderella_05-19-13\"<\/a><\/p>\n

<\/scene><\/i><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You may have noticed that most small ones have the attention span of a newt. And although I do not deem to know precisely the intentions of the diapered hamster in my son’s brain, toddling furiously upon his wheel, I\u2019m … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true},"categories":[23,20,25,10],"tags":[1027,999,1272,229],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3Sbzi-Rq","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2790,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/toddler-stream-of-conscious\/","url_meta":{"origin":3312,"position":0},"title":"Toddler Stream of Conscious","date":"September 17, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Stream of consciousness refers to the uninhibited flow of sense\u2010perceptions, thoughts, feelings, and memories within our minds. We all have an internal monologue that guides us through our days. (Mine is the narrator of a novel just begging to be written. Are you surprised?) Toddlers allegedly have one as well.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Destroy"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3259,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/the-abcs-of-raising-a-3-year-old\/","url_meta":{"origin":3312,"position":1},"title":"The ABCs of Raising a 3-Year-Old","date":"April 19, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"When the muppets were born, they were indoctrinated to a cold, cruel, gravity-filled world. Instead of smiling alligators, bumble bees, and caterpillars adorning nursery walls in bold primary colors, their first ABCs were the red beeping alarms of apnea and bradycardia episodes in an intensive care isolette. Now they\u2019re closing\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Miscellaneous"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/ABCs-300x259.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2750,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/a-baseball-game-is-simply-a-nervous-breakdown-divided-into-nine-innings\/","url_meta":{"origin":3312,"position":2},"title":"Baseball Is Simply A Nervous Breakdown Divided Into Nine Innings","date":"August 24, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base. ~Dave Barry (on the perils of motherhood.) The muppets have been learning the concept of t-ball over\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Current Events"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3164,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/body-after-babies\/","url_meta":{"origin":3312,"position":3},"title":"Body After Babies","date":"March 13, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"The evening rolls around. I have big plans. I will cook a fresh and healthy meal. I will bathe the boys. I will engage in educational interactive play. I will read them a bedtime story. They will fall contentedly asleep. I will then complete a productive cardio and strength-toning workout,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Health"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":686,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/zio-and-zia\/","url_meta":{"origin":3312,"position":4},"title":"Zio and Zia","date":"October 10, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"The muppets and I have just returned from the airport. After a fun-filled weekend whirl of a visit, the muppets reluctantly agreed to release Paul and Stephanie back to the badlands. Somewhere in an album, hidden away in my parents\u2019 closet, is a photo of me holding Paul. I\u2019m three;\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Baby Photos"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/streamdoubletrouble.files.wordpress.com\/2010\/10\/brothers_stephandpaul_10-10-10.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2613,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/griswolds-go-to-the-beach-pt-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":3312,"position":5},"title":"Griswolds Go To the Beach Pt. 2","date":"July 7, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"In a family vacation nutty enough to require two posts (and also because I\u2019m condensing the whole week into these posts), the saga continues. We arrived at Uncle Paul\u2019s house. He lives on the beach. Not kidding. Like the clown car that we were, the five of us piled out\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Destroy"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/07\/Sunbathing-e1341723153117-224x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3312"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3312"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3312\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3312"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3312"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3312"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}