{"id":306,"date":"2010-06-18T21:46:47","date_gmt":"2010-06-19T05:46:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/streamdoubletrouble.wordpress.com\/?p=306"},"modified":"2010-06-18T21:46:47","modified_gmt":"2010-06-19T05:46:47","slug":"mama-bear","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/mama-bear\/","title":{"rendered":"Mama Bear"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>A mother bear with her cubs is in her most aggressive state. Mother bears are dedicated to protecting their cubs and will attack if necessary.<\/p>\n

I once played a mama bear. Literally. It was for a children\u2019s theatre program during my junior year of college. Do you know what a 19 year old knows about the devotion of a mother to her cubs? In my case \u2013 absolutely nothing. I couldn\u2019t even keep fish alive at that age. (Ok, I still can\u2019t keep fish alive. But I\u2019ve done well with reptiles and mammals since then.) It obviously wasn\u2019t a very inspired performance\u2026<\/p>\n

Years before that performance, my high school self was in Lake Arrowhead (home of the infamous Blue Jay incident) with a friend. We peered down on my mother handling a \u201cmisunderstanding\u201d with an unfortunate deliveryman. \u201cNever mess with a mom,\u201d my friend sagely stated. Now I understand what she meant.<\/p>\n

The doctor called me yesterday morning, asking me to call him back as soon as possible (finishing his message with a quick statement that the boys were fine). I walked into the NICU three minutes later. Search needed a blood transfusion.<\/p>\n

His hematocrit levels had tanked. Hematocrits are the proportion of blood volume that is occupied by red blood cells, delivering oxygen to the body. A drop in levels isn\u2019t abnormal for premature babes, but the significance of Search\u2019s drop was. The doctor didn\u2019t know what had caused it. They needed to do additional labs and cultures to find out if he had hematosis (something destroying the red blood cells), an infection or some other rare disease causing a deficiency.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>They drew a large amount of blood to test. They hooked Search up to an IV to give him a bag of O- blood. They injected him with antibiotics to stem any possible infection. They inserted a catheter to get a sample for a urine culture. They performed an ultrasound on his brain to check for any bleeding. His arm was wrapped in a sterile gauze arm board to prevent any kinks in the IV. Through it all, they poked and prodded him, kept him awake and generally stressed him out.<\/p>\n

And through it all, I couldn\u2019t hold him. I couldn\u2019t soothe him and tell him everything was going to be okay. Because of all the medical stimulation, it was best to leave him alone in his isolette. Because his temperature had dropped, we couldn\u2019t open the doors of his isolette to hold his hand.<\/p>\n

And that hurt the most.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t like giving up control during my pregnancy, not knowing what was happening next. But I absolutely hate feeling like I can\u2019t protect my baby. Why can\u2019t I simply fix it? Why should he have to suffer?<\/p>\n

I sat beside him. Just staring into the isolette. Telling him I was there. Letting him know everything would be okay. Praying he could hear my voice through the sterile plastic walls. Needing him to know that he wasn\u2019t isolated in the isolette. Willing my wrath upon any germ, bacteria, virus or medical malady unknown to me that dare threaten my child.<\/p>\n

I returned to the NICU this morning. Search was doing great; his numbers had gone up where they should rise and dropped where we wanted decreases. We still don\u2019t know why his hematocrits dropped so suddenly, but the doctor assured me he was healthy as he scooted around, pink and plump, in his isolette.<\/p>\n

I held him just to be sure. And like a mama bear, I will do everything I can to protect him. Against all villains no matter how large or small.<\/p>\n

And you know what? This evening after his bath, my little man opened his eyes wide and smiled at me. A real smile. Then he fell asleep \u2013 soundly, securely and safely.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A mother bear with her cubs is in her most aggressive state. Mother bears are dedicated to protecting their cubs and will attack if necessary. I once played a mama bear. Literally. It was for a children\u2019s theatre program during … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true},"categories":[5,21,10],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3Sbzi-4W","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2680,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/the-seven-deadly-sins-of-motherhood-or-why-were-all-going-to-hell\/","url_meta":{"origin":306,"position":0},"title":"The Seven Deadly Sins of Motherhood (or why we’re all going to hell)","date":"July 30, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"This is not a sponsored post. I just really like the wine. And sometimes it's necessary. Disclaimer: This is a blasphemous post. I know this. I am familiar with my catechism. But whether you devoutly attend mass every first Friday or worship at the altar of the great spaghetti monster,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Humor"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/07\/Fire-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":418,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/reading-rainbow\/","url_meta":{"origin":306,"position":1},"title":"Reading Rainbow","date":"July 6, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Now that the boys are spending more time awake and alert, I have been assisting with the stimulation of their imaginations by reading to them. Some of my favorite childhood memories are of the times my mother would read to me right before bed. So with a snuggly swaddle and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Baby Photos"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/streamdoubletrouble.files.wordpress.com\/2010\/07\/logan_07-04-10.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":998,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/2010-blog-in-review\/","url_meta":{"origin":306,"position":2},"title":"2010 Blog in Review","date":"January 2, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here's a high level summary of its overall blog health: The Blog-Health-o-Meter\u2122 reads Wow. Crunchy numbers The average container ship can carry about 4,500 containers. This blog was viewed about 15,000 times in 2010. If\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Admin"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2239,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/to-the-germs-presently-invading-my-baby\/","url_meta":{"origin":306,"position":3},"title":"To the Germs Presently Invading My Baby","date":"March 1, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"It makes my heart hurt to see my little man lying next to me listlessly. Breath heavy, cheeks flushed. Those sad eyes only a child can wield. It\u2019s only a cold. It\u2019s only the flu. It should break soon. He should feel better soon. It could be worse. I\u2019m sure\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Destroy"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1908,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/bringing-sexy-back\/","url_meta":{"origin":306,"position":4},"title":"Bringing Sexy Back","date":"November 15, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"I got dressed up today \u2013 well, more so than usual. It\u2019s my birthday. I always believed that birthdays should be one\u2019s personal national holiday. It\u2019s only been in recent years that I\u2019ve stopped highlighting the calendar (now I just draw balloons.) I\u2019m 31. I\u2019m a mother \u2013 my birthdays\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Birthday"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/1343039-300x228.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1775,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/oh-brother\/","url_meta":{"origin":306,"position":5},"title":"Oh Brother","date":"October 14, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Tomorrow my baby brother is getting married. A year and a half ago he called me; I answered from my hospital bed. \u201cDon\u2019t freak out. But I have something to share.\u201d (For those interested, never a good idea to request a bedridden, hospitalized, highly hormonal pregnant mother of multiples to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Celebrations"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/10\/Paul-and-Tricia_12-211x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/306"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=306"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/306\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=306"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=306"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=306"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}