{"id":299,"date":"2010-06-17T20:15:45","date_gmt":"2010-06-18T04:15:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/streamdoubletrouble.wordpress.com\/?p=299"},"modified":"2013-09-23T21:24:12","modified_gmt":"2013-09-24T04:24:12","slug":"soggy-bottom-boys","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/soggy-bottom-boys\/","title":{"rendered":"Soggy Bottom Boys"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"

Pee Pee Teepee<\/p><\/div>\n

My son christened me into the world of moms with boys today. He peed on me. (Oh, I am a mom of constant sorrow\u2026)<\/p>\n

I\u2019d heard tales of such things before, laughed at them. There is even an available item out there called a \u201cpee pee teepee \u2013 a must have diapering accessory for newborn boys.\u201d (Yes, that pattern is indeed a wiener dog.)<\/p>\n

Destroy managed to wiggle one leg out of his diaper while I was holding him. (We have brilliant and mobile children.) As an added bonus, he left an odiferous gift in the dangling diaper. Being a good mom, I was attempting to reattach a clean diaper to the little rascal. But as the stories go, as soon as I removed the dirty diaper and Destroy experienced the naked freedom of open air, the spigot opened. And he peed on me.<\/p>\n

Destroy is only three weeks old. And as the pee pee teepee says, it\u2019s meant for newborn boys. So for the next installment of family stories, I thought I would provide one from my own childhood \u2013 it\u2019s related, even if it doesn\u2019t involve a newborn.<\/p>\n

Uncle Paul was five years old. Mom had finished reading aloud for the night and tucked my brother and me into bed. Paul fell fast asleep for the night. (I fell asleep too, but later woke up right quick.) Several hours later, Paul realized he had to pee. (Here\u2019s where the phrase \u201cfollow the light\u201d takes on a whole new meaning.)<\/p>\n

Paul got out of his big boy bed and headed for the door. Yet, instead of going right \u2013 to the bathroom \u2013 Paul saw a light down the hall to the left. Turns out, our dad was lying on the floor, watching TV in the living room. In his still sleeping state, he followed the light.<\/p>\n

Paul followed the light and trudged out toward the living room. He stopped in front my dad, dropped his drawers and started peeing.<\/p>\n

Our dad started squealing in the highest pitched voice I have ever heard. \u201cPAUL! PAUL! SHEEET!!! (this is a cussword shouted with a thick Italian accent) PAULINO!!!\u201d (This is where I woke up.) Dad scooped Paul up and rushed him down the hallway. Completely oblivious, Paul continued peeing haphazardly about him \u2013 on the walls and on our dad. Our dad continued screeching, \u201cPAUL! PAUL! SHEEET!!! PAULINO!!!\u201d<\/p>\n

Finally, they made it to the bathroom. Dad set Paul down in front of the toilet to finish his business. Paul promptly pulled his pants back up, turned around and walked back to bed. Dad was left standing in the bathroom trying to clean himself up and process what had just occurred.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t think the pee pee teepee would have helped in that situation\u2026<\/p>\n

Thanks a lot Destroy. And oh, Brother, where art thou? Given the amount of diaper changes necessary, I\u2019m sure you will pee on me soon enough. But know this: you will forever be my favorite soggy bottom boys.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My son christened me into the world of moms with boys today. He peed on me. (Oh, I am a mom of constant sorrow\u2026) I\u2019d heard tales of such things before, laughed at them. There is even an available item … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true},"categories":[23,15],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3Sbzi-4P","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3122,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/sacrifice-to-the-potty-gods\/","url_meta":{"origin":299,"position":0},"title":"Sacrifice to the Potty Gods","date":"February 25, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"The boys want nothing to do with the potty. Rather they seem to be quite enamored with going through 3,000 diapers per year. So we ordered books. (Because heretoforth those \u201cWhat To Expect\u201d how-to guides have always served us so well\u2026) Search and Destroy love them! They can recite them\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Destroy"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/02\/Potty-Image-277x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3471,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/when-potty-training-goes-poorly\/","url_meta":{"origin":299,"position":1},"title":"When Potty Training Goes Poorly","date":"July 22, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"The odds are good that in just a few short weeks you\u2019ll stumble upon a news headline shouting, \u201cFamily Receives Million Dollar Water Bill.\u201d And it won\u2019t be one of those billing error issues \u2013 it will be the result of a washing machine running non-stop for 30+ days. (Not\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"potty training\"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/07\/Iron-Man-e1374463538472-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3869,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/devils-in-the-diaper\/","url_meta":{"origin":299,"position":2},"title":"Devil\u2019s in the Diaper","date":"May 5, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"The true parable of Adam and Eve does not detail punishment by banishment from a literal utopian garden. It is an allegory illustrating the evolution of man; the development of human brains to combat the elements by donning clothing, thus leading to the invention of potty training. Pop quiz: Q.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Milestones"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1899,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/potty-like-a-rock-star\/","url_meta":{"origin":299,"position":3},"title":"Potty Like a Rock Star","date":"November 12, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"I diapered the muppets. For fun (I know \u2013 we get ca-razy here), I let the boys wander around in their diapers while I went to dispose of the evidence. In the 60 seconds I was away, I heard a crash and a cackle. When I returned, Search was playing\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Destroy"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/Destroy_Milk_10-10-11-300x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":280,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/the-big-3-0\/","url_meta":{"origin":299,"position":4},"title":"The Big 3-0","date":"June 14, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Jon hit it in February. I\u2019m rushing toward it in November. But today, it\u2019s all about the twins. The big 3-0. Search and Destroy are 30 weeks along today. Even though they\u2019re only two weeks old, they\u2019re considered 30 weeks since preemies have an adjusted age based on their expected\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Baby Photos"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/streamdoubletrouble.files.wordpress.com\/2010\/06\/caden_17days_6-14-10.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3276,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/splash-its-potty-time\/","url_meta":{"origin":299,"position":5},"title":"Splash! It\u2019s Potty Time","date":"May 1, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"For those curious, it is not possible to flush an entire roll of toilet paper down the toilet \u2013 cardboard roll and all. Even if you climb into the bowl to help shove it down.\u00a0 Dinner was done. Not necessarily eaten, but food had been prepared, set out and smeared\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Destroy"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/TP-Disaster-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/299"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=299"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/299\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=299"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=299"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=299"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}