two nurses to wrestle the 2-week-old 2-pound person into submission<\/a> so medical staff could affix my preemie son\u2019s oxygen mask. He may have been tiny, but his opinions were quite clear.<\/p>\nGiant trucks that can squish you with a blind uncaring mechanical arm? That\u2019s awesome! Chase the garbage truck! But if a character emerges from the vehicular beast? OH. HELL. NO.<\/p>\n
I see right through that No Fear persona he\u2019s got going on. We\u2019ll stick to the books for now.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
My phone buzzed with the latest maternal observation from a friend. \u201cI didn\u2019t know you were a Santa torturer.\u201d Yup. Every year. We visited Santa this weekend. It did not go well. (Greatest photo ever.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true},"categories":[23,15],"tags":[1127,87,115,764],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3Sbzi-M1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":4173,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/the-story-of-santa\/","url_meta":{"origin":2977,"position":0},"title":"The Story of Santa","date":"December 17, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u2018Tis the season. And so the muppets explained the story of the Fat Man to me. Search: Did you tell Santa about our new address so he\u2019ll bring the presents we talked to him about? Destroy: Santa only brings presents to nice boys. You can\u2019t have to sit by the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Holidays"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1007,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/santa-tantrums\/","url_meta":{"origin":2977,"position":1},"title":"Santa Tantrums","date":"January 4, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"As a final conclusion to the holidays 2010, I would like to share one of my favorite posts of the year from one of my favorite parenting blogs - The Poop. Sadly, I missed the call for entries for the 2010 Annual Santa Tantrum Awards. But the muppets didn't let\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Baby Photos"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3150,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/pretty-pretty-princes\/","url_meta":{"origin":2977,"position":2},"title":"Pretty Pretty Princes","date":"March 4, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"It started on a rainy day many months ago. Disallowed from their preferred activity of stomping through puddles and rolling in nature\u2019s mud baths, Search and Destroy\u2019s teachers directed our favorite whirling dervishes toward the classroom dress-up corner. They went straight for the sparkling tutu costumes. (They clearly take after\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Current Events"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/Princes-300x200.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1861,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/it%e2%80%99s-the-great-pumpkin-charlie-brown\/","url_meta":{"origin":2977,"position":3},"title":"It\u2019s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown","date":"November 1, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"It\u2019s all Hallows Eve. Day of the Dead. Children hide themselves within cute and clever costumes (except for a slew of teenagers that showed up at my house). They go door to door in search of fun-sized candy \u2013 threatenng tricks to those who dare to proffer raisins or toothbrushes.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Destroy"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/10\/DSC_0520-300x200.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":797,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/happy-halloween\/","url_meta":{"origin":2977,"position":4},"title":"Happy Halloween","date":"October 31, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Happy Halloween everyone! This is such a fun holiday for the little ones \u2013 cute little kids in warm fuzzy costumes and sleep-deprived parents sporting zombie-like circles under their eyes simply blend in with the crowds. On this first Halloween for the muppets, they will be helping me hand out\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Baby Photos"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/streamdoubletrouble.files.wordpress.com\/2010\/10\/happy-halloween.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":932,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/santa-baby\/","url_meta":{"origin":2977,"position":5},"title":"Santa Baby","date":"December 12, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"This morning we headed over to our local mall for the muppets first meeting with Santa. We wanted to make sure the Big Man in the Red Suit knew the boys were home and eagerly awaiting a midnight visit. Breaking from his duties directing busy toy-making elves, Santa has recently\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Baby Photos"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/streamdoubletrouble.files.wordpress.com\/2010\/12\/christmas-2010_santa-baby_12-12-10.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2977"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2977"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2977\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2977"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2977"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2977"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}