{"id":2977,"date":"2012-12-12T06:57:39","date_gmt":"2012-12-12T14:57:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/?p=2977"},"modified":"2012-12-12T07:01:00","modified_gmt":"2012-12-12T15:01:00","slug":"creature-uncomforts-or-the-fact-that-my-kid-is-terrified-beyond-belief-of-costumes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/creature-uncomforts-or-the-fact-that-my-kid-is-terrified-beyond-belief-of-costumes\/","title":{"rendered":"Creature Uncomforts (or the fact that my kid is terrified beyond belief of costumes)"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"This<\/a>

This is terrifying people!<\/p><\/div>\n

My phone buzzed with the latest maternal observation from a friend. \u201cI didn\u2019t know you were a Santa torturer.\u201d<\/p>\n

Yup. Every year. We visited Santa this weekend. It did not go well.<\/a> (Greatest photo ever.)<\/p>\n

Destroy was doing well \u2013 basking in the glow of his celebrity, as he\u2019d been recognized by several of his preschool peers \u2013 when the Fat Man arrived. The cool recirculated mall air fluttered around us as the red velour suit rustled by.<\/p>\n

Destroy absolutely lost his cool. In hiccupping wails of terror, he collapsed to the ground. This set off Search \u2013 who I firmly believe would have otherwise been ok. (He wouldn\u2019t have been pleased, but he would have held his composure.)<\/p>\n

In behavioral modification advantages, this was decidedly unfortunate. Santa is officially persona non-grata. \u201cDo you want Santa to come bring you presents on Christmas?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo! I don\u2019t want see Santa. Don\u2019t like.\u201d His little head was resolutely shaking his decline. His eyes were bright with terror.<\/p>\n

\"Santa_2012_12-09-12\"<\/a>

PEACE AND JOY!<\/p><\/div>\n

I\u2019m thinking we will not be wassailing to the tradition tune of Santa Claus is Coming to Town this holiday season. (<\/i>He sees you when you’re sleeping \/ He knows when you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad or good \/ So be good for goodness sake.)<\/i> On second thought, maybe my little tough guy is onto something here. Because that is just not cool.<\/p>\n

Destroy does not do well with characters in costumes; they are unquestionably his toddler kryptonite.<\/p>\n

This summer we made a family excursion to the Children\u2019s Discovery Museum. We entered the special exhibit \u2013 journeying to the world of Clifford the Big Red Dog. The muppets loved every moment. Well, almost. Upon our departure we passed a giant doghouse where Clifford himself was signing autographs.<\/p>\n

\"Giant<\/a>

Giant dog. Only ok in plastic.<\/p><\/div>\n

Destroy lost his cool. There was a giant 6-foot fuzzy red dog bobbing about. As a small person just discovering the world, it certainly makes sense that if something so out of the realm of reality suddenly appears it would scare the living shit out of you. (Quite literally when it comes to diapered babes.)<\/p>\n

Two months ago we attended a friend\u2019s Spiderman themed birthday party. And Spiderman was there! This time the boys played it smart. They could not be tempted outdoors \u2013 not even succumbing to the allures of a bouncy house.<\/p>\n

\"Get.<\/a>

Get. Me. OUTTA HERE!<\/p><\/div>\n

But again, can you really blame them? A grown man in a bright red spandex suit? (Say it with me people \u2013 spandex is a privilege, not a right.) And this one may be genetic. Their father is less than enthralled with arachnids of any kind.<\/p>\n

At one point we opened the front door to find that a silver-dollar sized spider had woven a web across our front porch. And it was staring at us, eye to eye(x8). Jon looked at me, shrugged his shoulders, and noted that he wouldn\u2019t be going to work before turning back around to call into work on account of the Aragog clone spider<\/a> residing in the refuge of Silicon Valley.<\/p>\n

(I\u2019m on Charlotte assassination duty<\/a> in the Stream household.)<\/p>\n

All little boys love firefighters right? (Not to mention the awesome trucks they drive!) So when the local fire battalion sent a fighter to visit the preschool, life was GOOD. Helmet, jacket \u2013 awesomesauce. Lights, sirens \u2013 absofuckingtabulous.<\/p>\n

\"Childrens<\/a><\/p>\n

And then the fireman demonstrated his oxygen mask. Destroy was situated in the middle of his posse. He shot for the exits as the crocodile tears poured across his chubby cheeks. He was one again hysterical. \u201cNOOOOOOOOOO\u201d he wailed (seemingly without need for the oxygen being provided by that mask, actually).<\/p>\n

But let\u2019s not kid ourselves. Destroy has NEVER liked those. Amiright Nurse Susan and Nurse Anne? Back in our NICU days it took two nurses to wrestle the 2-week-old 2-pound person into submission<\/a> so medical staff could affix my preemie son\u2019s oxygen mask. He may have been tiny, but his opinions were quite clear.<\/p>\n

Giant trucks that can squish you with a blind uncaring mechanical arm? That\u2019s awesome! Chase the garbage truck! But if a character emerges from the vehicular beast? OH. HELL. NO.<\/p>\n

I see right through that No Fear persona he\u2019s got going on. We\u2019ll stick to the books for now.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My phone buzzed with the latest maternal observation from a friend. \u201cI didn\u2019t know you were a Santa torturer.\u201d Yup. Every year. We visited Santa this weekend. It did not go well. (Greatest photo ever.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true},"categories":[23,15],"tags":[1127,87,115,764],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3Sbzi-M1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":4173,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/the-story-of-santa\/","url_meta":{"origin":2977,"position":0},"title":"The Story of Santa","date":"December 17, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u2018Tis the season. And so the muppets explained the story of the Fat Man to me. Search: Did you tell Santa about our new address so he\u2019ll bring the presents we talked to him about? Destroy: Santa only brings presents to nice boys. You can\u2019t have to sit by the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Holidays"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1007,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/santa-tantrums\/","url_meta":{"origin":2977,"position":1},"title":"Santa Tantrums","date":"January 4, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"As a final conclusion to the holidays 2010, I would like to share one of my favorite posts of the year from one of my favorite parenting blogs - The Poop. Sadly, I missed the call for entries for the 2010 Annual Santa Tantrum Awards. But the muppets didn't let\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Baby Photos"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3150,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/pretty-pretty-princes\/","url_meta":{"origin":2977,"position":2},"title":"Pretty Pretty Princes","date":"March 4, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"It started on a rainy day many months ago. Disallowed from their preferred activity of stomping through puddles and rolling in nature\u2019s mud baths, Search and Destroy\u2019s teachers directed our favorite whirling dervishes toward the classroom dress-up corner. They went straight for the sparkling tutu costumes. (They clearly take after\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Current Events"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/Princes-300x200.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1861,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/it%e2%80%99s-the-great-pumpkin-charlie-brown\/","url_meta":{"origin":2977,"position":3},"title":"It\u2019s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown","date":"November 1, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"It\u2019s all Hallows Eve. Day of the Dead. Children hide themselves within cute and clever costumes (except for a slew of teenagers that showed up at my house). They go door to door in search of fun-sized candy \u2013 threatenng tricks to those who dare to proffer raisins or toothbrushes.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Destroy"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/10\/DSC_0520-300x200.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":797,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/happy-halloween\/","url_meta":{"origin":2977,"position":4},"title":"Happy Halloween","date":"October 31, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Happy Halloween everyone! This is such a fun holiday for the little ones \u2013 cute little kids in warm fuzzy costumes and sleep-deprived parents sporting zombie-like circles under their eyes simply blend in with the crowds. On this first Halloween for the muppets, they will be helping me hand out\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Baby Photos"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/streamdoubletrouble.files.wordpress.com\/2010\/10\/happy-halloween.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":932,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/santa-baby\/","url_meta":{"origin":2977,"position":5},"title":"Santa Baby","date":"December 12, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"This morning we headed over to our local mall for the muppets first meeting with Santa. We wanted to make sure the Big Man in the Red Suit knew the boys were home and eagerly awaiting a midnight visit. Breaking from his duties directing busy toy-making elves, Santa has recently\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Baby Photos"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/streamdoubletrouble.files.wordpress.com\/2010\/12\/christmas-2010_santa-baby_12-12-10.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2977"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2977"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2977\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2977"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2977"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2977"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}