![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/08\/image.gif\" "\\"image\\"")
<\/a><\/p>\nThe following is an actual conversation that occurred in checkout lane 4 at my local Safeway. Seriously.<\/p>\n
**********<\/p>\n
Lady: Oh my goodness! Are they twins?<\/p>\n
Me: Yes. <Behave. Behave. Behave. Please behave.><\/p>\n
Lady: Aww\u2026two boys?<\/p>\n
Me: Yes. <Nope. Muppets.><\/p>\n
**********<\/p>\n
Oh kids\u2026here we go\u2026<\/p>\n
**********<\/p>\n
Lady: Mine\u2019s 9 months. But I only have one.<\/p>\n
Me: Polite smile. <\/em><Well bully for you.><\/p>\n Lady: I don\u2019t know how you do it with two!<\/p>\n Me: You just do I guess. <I don\u2019t know how you do it with one. I am clearly better than you.><\/p>\n Lady: Are they your only?<\/p>\n Me: Yes. <I have dogs and a turtle too.><\/p>\n Lady: Are you done?<\/p>\n Me: Yes. <You are awfully interested in my procreative activities. This is a conversation I should be having with my husband, not you.><\/p>\n Lady: Don\u2019t you want to try for a girl?<\/p>\n Me: No. <Some day I may adopt a girl dog<\/a>. But if I say that, you will probably think *I\u2019m* the bitch.><\/p>\n Lady: Haha. You will when they\u2019re a bit older.<\/p>\n Me: Polite smile.<\/em> <They ARE older. You weren\u2019t around for the exciting beginnings. Unless you read my blog. In which case, say something!><\/p>\n Lady: You never know.<\/p>\n Me: Yes. <Oh I know. There are medical steps that can be taken to ensure such \u201cNot Pregnant\u201d outcomes.><\/p>\n Lady: Just see what happens, right? You\u2019ll see. You\u2019ll change your mind.<\/p>\n Me: Have a nice day. <Oh no I won\u2019t. If I have another kid, it\u2019ll be the second coming. And given that I write blasphemous posts<\/a> about losing my religion<\/a>, I wouldn\u2019t get my hopes up.><\/p>\n **********<\/p>\n Jon and I always wanted two kids. We almost beat the put on the first go-round. There is no need to engage in a second round of Russian roulette.<\/p>\n As it stands, we\u2019re at even odds. The children do not outnumber the parents.<\/p>\n If we had only a singleton? Perhaps the conversation would be different. But I don\u2019t believe I\u2019m strong enough to play another match \u2013 and my odds for having another preemie are now double.<\/p>\n To each his own when deciding on building the family. But for me, no \u2013 there will be no more children.<\/p>\n And for all those of you mourning my lack of a daughter:<\/p>\n 1)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Karma\u2019s a bitch. I, remembering what it was like to be a daughter, would be afraid. Very afraid.<\/p>\n 2)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I have a husband, two male dogs, two sons, a male tree in the front yard, a brother, and a brother-in-law. Girls weren\u2019t in the cards for me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The following is an actual conversation that occurred in checkout lane 4 at my local Safeway. Seriously.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true},"categories":[624],"tags":[1003,438,449,1004,1002],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3Sbzi-Ij","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1717,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/supermen\/","url_meta":{"origin":2747,"position":0},"title":"Supermen","date":"September 18, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"The muppets have been in daycare for a month. Three days into this adventure, they got the sniffles. \u201cIt\u2019s gonna come quick and it\u2019s gonna hit hard,\u201d their teacher warned. Early this week, a clingy Search was deposited in Daddy\u2019s arms. \u201cHe\u2019s a little toasty and he just doesn\u2019t seem\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Baby Photos"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/09\/Search_Sick_09-15-11-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1695,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/yeah-this-happened\/","url_meta":{"origin":2747,"position":1},"title":"Yeah. This Happened.","date":"September 5, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Random lady: \"Oh my goodness! I can't believe how identical they are.\" Me: \"They're not identical.\" RL: \"How is that possible? They look so much alike.\" Me: \"Well, they are brothers. Haha\" RL: \"Oh! So they're not twins?\" Me: *facepalm*","rel":"","context":"In "Humor"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3810,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/colors-on-the-walls\/","url_meta":{"origin":2747,"position":2},"title":"Colors on the Walls","date":"March 19, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Do you know what the color blue tastes like? I do. Each morning at preschool drop-off, the boys take their seat at the classroom table and get their breakfasts out. One banana, one bag of Kix\/Cheerios, and one yogurt. The yogurt is served in tube form under the on-the-go marketing\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Food"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3478,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/out-of-the-mouths-of-babes-2\/","url_meta":{"origin":2747,"position":3},"title":"Out of the Mouths of Babes","date":"July 26, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Happy Friday. It\u2019s time for the latest installment of the honest truth \u2013 toddler style. Search: Mommy doesn't have brown eyes. Mommy has weird eyes. (Green. My eyes are green, kid.) Me: No splashing. Destroy: That was Mater. Me: Haha, I\u2019m pretty sure you just splashed your toy in the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Seriously?"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/11\/SuccessKid-297x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1564,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/babies-first-haircut\/","url_meta":{"origin":2747,"position":4},"title":"Babies First Haircut","date":"July 26, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"The lady stared at the side-by-side double stroller for a good 30 seconds, making silly faces at the muppets. Suddenly she looked up. \u201cYou have two!\u201d she exclaimed. Congratulations stranger lady, you can count. She resumed cooing. \u201cBoy and a girl?\u201d she asked casually. Negative ghostwriter. Elementary mathematical skills notwithstanding,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Baby Photos"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/IMG_0246-e1311741692628-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4475,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/zappos-sent-me-used-underwear\/","url_meta":{"origin":2747,"position":5},"title":"Zappos Sent Me Used Underwear","date":"June 8, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Sometimes a customer service crisis really is just the basis for an amusing anecdote. And I thought we could all use a good laugh. (Also, I tried to come up with a witty title for this post and then decided the event really just spoke for itself.) Zappos sent me\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Fashion"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/06\/Underwear-3-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2747"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2747"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2747\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2747"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2747"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2747"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}