{"id":2680,"date":"2012-07-30T07:00:22","date_gmt":"2012-07-30T14:00:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/?p=2680"},"modified":"2012-07-30T08:38:05","modified_gmt":"2012-07-30T15:38:05","slug":"the-seven-deadly-sins-of-motherhood-or-why-were-all-going-to-hell","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/the-seven-deadly-sins-of-motherhood-or-why-were-all-going-to-hell\/","title":{"rendered":"The Seven Deadly Sins of Motherhood (or why we’re all going to hell)"},"content":{"rendered":"
Disclaimer: This is a blasphemous post. I know this. <\/em>I am familiar with my catechism.<\/em><\/a> But whether you devoutly attend mass every first Friday or worship at the altar of the great spaghetti monster, this is meant as humor. Please don\u2019t send me angry hate mail telling me I\u2019m going to hell. I already know this. That\u2019s the point of this post.<\/em><\/p>\n Lust Well let\u2019s just get the obvious out of the way. Where do you think babies come from? That\u2019s right. Lustful sexytime. And let\u2019s not kid ourselves, after achieving the joyful results of our lustful loins lusting for that pre-baby body. (But first, a cookie.)<\/p>\n Gluttony You can always tell who\u2019s the toddler parent of the group. We\u2019re the ones who wolf down our food at mach speed because otherwise our tiny brethren will demand bites and then throw the plate on the floor. And grubby rug rat hands totally negate the 5-second rule.<\/p>\n Greed I have once seen the floor of my living room. Legend tells it lives beneath the frenetic chaos of toys and trucks, books and blocks tossed wildly about by Hurricane Muppet. Grandparents have moved in en masse. The children want for nothing. And they haven\u2019t even started playing sports yet.<\/p>\n Sloth I fantasize about the day I will once again sleep in again and lounge around the house. Dare to dream about being lazy. And admit it \u2013 you\u2019ve put off errands or tasks because it was just too much trouble to bundle everyone up out of the house. Mohammad may have moved a mountain, but I\u2019ll deal with the laundry tomorrow(ish).<\/p>\n Wrath A mother bear with her cubs is in her most aggressive state. Mother bears are dedicated to protecting their cubs and will attack if necessary. Forget the fury of a women scorned, may the hellfire rain down upon any germ, bacteria, virus, medical malady or other harm \u2013 mental or physical \u2013 that threatens harm upon a mother\u2019s child.<\/p>\n Envy Freud and the fact I have boys aside. I have never denied being green with envy throughout my pregnancy (not to mention envious of all those who WEREN\u2019T green around the gills). I was jealous of the pregnancy experience prematurity robbed me of. And for those who enjoyed the blissful ignorance of what a miracle it is that any child is ever born, who among us isn\u2019t occasional rife with envy of the enchanted life devoid of adult worry as we watch our kids play in the mud.<\/p>\n Pride Don\u2019t even try to deny it. My children are obviously brilliant; they only needed two trimesters to gestate instead of the traditional three. They are also the cutest, most amazing million dollar muppets ever. And you think the same about your own. \u00a0I’ve heard pride cometh before the fall – and my boys are presently competing for Olympic gold in standing and leaping from the sit-n-spin.\u00a0I\u2019m proud of my kids. And I’ve got my eye on them, because there’s no way this will end well.<\/p>\n It does appear I\u2019ve embraced each of the above wholeheartedly. So\u2026I\u2019ll see you there. Bring s\u2019mores?<\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" This is not a sponsored post. I just really like the wine. And sometimes it’s necessary. Disclaimer: This is a blasphemous post. I know this. I am familiar with my catechism. But whether you devoutly attend mass every first Friday … Continue reading
\n<\/strong>Intense desire; excessive sexual wants. Baby-making.<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>Over-indulgence and over-consumption of anything to the point of waste. Ardenter: eating too eagerly.<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>Excessive or rapacious desire and pursuit of material possessions. Spoiling the child.<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>Physical or spiritual laziness. Mommy\u2019s tired.<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>Rage; uncontrolled feelings of hatred and anger. Hurt my child and I will cut you.<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>Jealousy; discontent toward another\u2019s traits, status, abilities, or rewards. Puking your guts out green.<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>Desire to be more important or attractive than others. My kids.<\/p>\n