{"id":2579,"date":"2012-06-25T21:24:48","date_gmt":"2012-06-26T04:24:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/?p=2579"},"modified":"2012-06-25T21:35:28","modified_gmt":"2012-06-26T04:35:28","slug":"toddler-speak","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/toddler-speak\/","title":{"rendered":"Toddler Speak"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/a><\/p>\n Mahi Mahi was on the menu for dinner tonight. Both muppets chowed down in a serious teenage-boy-in-training fashion, while Finding Nemo played in the background.<\/p>\n PISHIE!<\/p>\n (Yes, I fed my children fish while their anthropomorphized dinner just kept swimming<\/a> on the screen. I know. Mother. Of. The. Year.)<\/p>\n It\u2019s crazy how big they are now. They\u2019re like real little people. It\u2019s just completely\u2026<\/p>\n \u201cBashi?\u201d offered Destroy helpfully.<\/p>\n Jon and I looked at each other. Because that sounded a LOT like Batshit.<\/p>\n And thus our family conversation at the dinner table commenced. I marveled at how exciting it is to watch the muppets discover communication. Kind of. (We\u2019ve previously discussed the need for translators<\/a> and interpreters<\/a>.)<\/p>\n Search:<\/strong> Seeros?<\/p>\n Me:<\/strong> Search, would you like some Cheerios?<\/p>\n Search:<\/strong> Yesh peez.<\/p>\n Destroy:<\/strong> SEEROS!<\/p>\n AND SUDDENLY CHEERIOS MAGICALLY APPEAR. SORCERY!<\/em><\/p>\n Search:<\/strong> Eenie?<\/p>\n Jon:<\/strong> What do you say?<\/p>\n Search:<\/strong> Peez. <nodding furiously> Mo peez.<\/p>\n Me:<\/strong> You want a grissini breadstick?<\/p>\n Destroy:<\/strong> Yeah.<\/p>\n Search:<\/strong> Yesh.<\/p>\n Me:<\/strong> Here you go. Say \u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n Search:<\/strong> Ankoo.<\/p>\n Destroy:<\/strong> No. Soo! Sooooooo eenie.<\/p>\n Me:<\/strong> You want TWO grissini?<\/p>\n Destroy:<\/strong> Yeah.<\/p>\n Jon:<\/strong> <Breaks breadstick-thing in half> One. Two!<\/p>\n Please know I am in no way trying to brag or overstate my newfound language abilities. (That\u2019s right \u2013 I said MY language abilities.) But although I am by no means fluent, I\u2019ve become pretty decent at conversational toddler. Of course, one must never get too overconfident. Because, as a friend reminded me, the muppets speak a different dialect of toddler. They speak twin.<\/p>\n Sometimes it\u2019s all crystal clear: <\/em><\/p>\n Destroy:<\/strong> Ewww. <points> Dyer. Bruddo STINKY!<\/p>\n Me:<\/strong> Yes, sweetie, we’re changing brother\u2019s diaper.<\/p>\n Search:<\/strong> Diprr.<\/p>\n Destroy:<\/strong> All duhn. ALLDONE! Pat.<\/p>\n Me:<\/strong> Yes, those are pants. Actually they\u2019re shorts. But close enough that you\u2019re obviously brilliant. And more importantly, not stinky.<\/p>\n However, far more often than not, the two of them will speak in complete sentences. Then they\u2019ll look up expectantly. At which point I’m like, “Yeah, kid\u2026I got nothing.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n They\u2019re fully continuing an ongoing conversation and are truly flummoxed as to why you\u2019re not responding appropriately.<\/p>\n Search:<\/strong> Mamee sick aka wahrt. Daw warell dumma gum ehhhhu neico. Ahahahahahaha.<\/p>\n Destroy:<\/strong> HIiee! Ah ah ah. Mo mo pishie!<\/p>\n Search:<\/strong> Yeah. <nodding furiously> Shi Shi. Shi Shi.<\/p>\n Destroy:<\/strong> Guwal cahrrrr cah? Noooo. Buh blll. Yay! Buh blll. Momeeee?<\/p>\n Me:<\/strong> Um\u2026 You want a cookie?<\/p>\n Search:<\/strong> <Gives look that clearly reads, “I love you mommy. But seriously?! So. Dumb.”><\/p>\n Suddenly out of the blue, Destroy announced MICKEY MOUSE \u2013 with full clarity and enunciation (pronounced MickaMOWse for complete accuracy here).<\/p>\n We now have proof he\u2019s my son.<\/p>\n (Full disclosure, while Jon and I laughed hysterically and asked where he learned that, Destroy marched over, picked up his stuffed Mickey, grabbed the remote, climbed up on the couch, wrapped himself up in the Mickey blanket I got for my 16th<\/sup> birthday, and proceeded to turn on the Disney Jr. channel to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. The one thing he says perfectly and he thinks we\u2019re clueless.)<\/p>\n <\/a><\/p>\n P.S. He learned it at school. It\u2019s \u201cM\u201d week. Education works.<\/p>\n P.P.S. Just wait until \u201cN\u201d week and he realizes he ate Nemo for dinner. (Any corporations out there interested in sponsoring these posts? We\u2019re gonna need to pad that therapy fund something fierce.)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Mahi Mahi was on the menu for dinner tonight. Both muppets chowed down in a serious teenage-boy-in-training fashion, while Finding Nemo played in the background. PISHIE! (Yes, I fed my children fish while their anthropomorphized dinner just kept swimming on … Continue reading