{"id":2493,"date":"2012-05-19T13:59:42","date_gmt":"2012-05-19T20:59:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/?p=2493"},"modified":"2012-05-19T15:43:44","modified_gmt":"2012-05-19T22:43:44","slug":"sometimes-you-just-need-a-midday-milk-margarita","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/sometimes-you-just-need-a-midday-milk-margarita\/","title":{"rendered":"Sometimes You Just Need a Midday Milk Margarita"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Quesadilla\u2019s were on the menu. It\u2019s a balmy 75-degree day and cheesy wrapped chicken sounded appropriate.<\/p>\n

Apparently I forgot the avocados. This was a crisis-situation. Because what toddler could *possibly* eat a quesadilla without avocado?<\/p>\n

I went to remedy the situation.<\/p>\n

Then I heard the banging. I turned to look. Plates went flying.<\/p>\n

Huh \u2013 forgot there had once been a salt and pepper shaker in the center of the table. I did not forget that the muppets have magical monkey-like climbing abilities.<\/p>\n

Destroy had procured the saltshaker and was happily sprinkling its contents over his sippy cup of milk \u2013 pausing periodically to examine his handiwork. And occasionally lick the spout of the sippy.<\/p>\n

Search seemed to find pleasure in pouring pepper over his head \u2013 giggling manically over his mischief. Shockingly, he had lost interest in his now overly spiced food. (This was going to make for a reeeeally interesting diaper change.)<\/p>\n

Parental instinct or common sense, either way, I headed back toward the table right quick.<\/p>\n

They saw me.<\/p>\n

They shared a conspiratorial brotherly look that screamed, \u201cOh shit! She\u2019s onto us!\u201d<\/p>\n

The saltshaker came FLYING toward me. \u201cQuick! Distract the mommy. Or knock her unconscious with the ceramic margarita enhancer!\u201d (And let me just take an additional moment to point out that this kid can HURL.)<\/p>\n

Tangent: In the past few millennia of bible telephone-game translation, I would like to proffer an alternative theory. Lot\u2019s wife didn\u2019t turn INTO a pillar of salt, she obviously had active boy toddlers. (Yes, I know I\u2019m going to hell. I\u2019ll see many of you there. We\u2019ll have margaritas.)<\/p>\n

Much to their chagrin, I removed my muppets from the scene of the crime and stripped them of their seasoned shorts.<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, back at the ranch<\/span> kitchen table, the big black dog was enthusiastically devouring any possible remnant or crumb of the um, flavorful? lunch.<\/p>\n

And sneezing uncontrollably.<\/p>\n

\u201cSearch and Destroy. This is unacceptable behavior,\u201d I informed them through hysterical laughter. Although I think they were laughing to hard to hear me.<\/p>\n

You. Can. Not. Make. This. Up.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Quesadilla\u2019s were on the menu. It\u2019s a balmy 75-degree day and cheesy wrapped chicken sounded appropriate. Apparently I forgot the avocados. This was a crisis-situation. Because what toddler could *possibly* eat a quesadilla without avocado? I went to remedy the … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true},"categories":[23,17,20,10],"tags":[68,165,856,855],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3Sbzi-Ed","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1427,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/out-damned-sippy-cup\/","url_meta":{"origin":2493,"position":0},"title":"Out Damned Sippy Cup","date":"June 5, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cIn the Hall of the Mountain Kings\u201d was humming in the background when I said goodnight to the boys. Both of them were still awake. They sat up in their cribs, eyeing me. It was a Wild West standoff. I stood in front of them \u2013 sippy cups in hand;\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Food"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/Slide1-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1434,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/sign-of-the-times\/","url_meta":{"origin":2493,"position":1},"title":"Sign of the Times","date":"June 9, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"As I started to write this post, I took a look back at where we were last year. Obviously, the muppets were very tiny and our journey was just beginning. At the time, just over a week into their little lives, we were already fiercely focused on food. In 2010,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Food"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/06\/Keary-16-300x222.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1899,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/potty-like-a-rock-star\/","url_meta":{"origin":2493,"position":2},"title":"Potty Like a Rock Star","date":"November 12, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"I diapered the muppets. For fun (I know \u2013 we get ca-razy here), I let the boys wander around in their diapers while I went to dispose of the evidence. In the 60 seconds I was away, I heard a crash and a cackle. When I returned, Search was playing\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Destroy"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/Destroy_Milk_10-10-11-300x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2822,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/big-boy-beds\/","url_meta":{"origin":2493,"position":3},"title":"Big Boy Beds","date":"October 3, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Yesterday morning, when we went to raise our little apocalyptic horsemen from their angelic slumber, we discovered Destroy perfecting his pommel horse routine upon the railing of his crib. Jon: That\u2019s really impressive. Me: I know! That takes a lot of upper body strength. Jon: And flexibility. You couldn\u2019t that.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Bed-rest"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/10\/bobs-big-boy-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1996,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/evil-knievel-and-the-peanut-butter-sandwich\/","url_meta":{"origin":2493,"position":4},"title":"Evil Knievel and the Peanut Butter Sandwich","date":"December 5, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"No good ever came of a phone call that began, \u201cDon\u2019t worry, they\u2019re okay.\u201d \u201cDestroy\u2019s had a rough morning\u2026\u201d Miss Stephanie continued. \u201cI felt that I should call and warn you before you came to pick him up as he looks a bit worse for wear.\u201d I forced myself to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Daycare"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/12\/IMG_0591-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1541,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/muppets-and-music-together\/","url_meta":{"origin":2493,"position":5},"title":"Muppets and Music Together","date":"July 15, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"On Wednesday our little gang trooped back to our Movement Exploration class. Search eyed me warily as we entered the rec center, but as soon as we put him down he was off and crawling. Destroy did the same. There were tunnels and slides, blocks and walkers. The muppets are\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Destroy"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/photo-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2493"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2493"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2493\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2493"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2493"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2493"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}