{"id":2462,"date":"2012-05-04T21:21:06","date_gmt":"2012-05-05T04:21:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/?p=2462"},"modified":"2012-05-05T08:05:43","modified_gmt":"2012-05-05T15:05:43","slug":"i-will-do-it-myself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/i-will-do-it-myself\/","title":{"rendered":"I Will Do It MYSELF"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

The gate to baby jail<\/span> the living room was ajar. We\u2019re trying to see if the muppets are capable of conducting themselves with a moderate sense of decorum in larger household arenas. Ok fine, we\u2019re monitoring closely to make sure they don\u2019t kill themselves or anyone else in the near vicinity.<\/p>\n

Destroy wandered over and pointed at the jogging stroller. \u201cNo sweetie, not right now. Daddy\u2019s cooking dinner and Mommy\u2019s being lazy.\u201d<\/p>\n

He replied with a cranky whine, but was quickly distracted by further opportunities to torment his brother. (Search dodged this bullet by quickly driving his Toy Story 3 Power Wheel across the room. And the quickest route between two points is a straight line. This comes in handy since neither boy has figured out how to steer their respective vehicle. Or stop when they drive into the wall. But I digress\u2026)<\/p>\n

But what was really going through his mind was: I want to go for a walk. We are going to go for a walk if I have to do it MYSELF. (I have no idea where he got this personality trait…Hi Mom. You can stop laughing now.)<\/p>\n

Suddenly I saw a stubborn stocky toddler marching toward the living room. This was odd. The pseudo-grownups have long since acquiesced and ceded this portion of the union<\/span> household to the developmental whims of Hurricane Muppet. So obviously, neither child has any lasting interest in spending any time in this part of the abode when there are drawers and cabinets to liberate in the great wide yonder.<\/p>\n

Destroy reappeared a minute later. He was carrying his socks. He stalked back over and calmly placed them in front of me.<\/p>\n

\u201cDOBBY IS FREE!\u201d I yelled.<\/p>\n

No one else got the joke.<\/p>\n

Destroy had moved on. He was now scaling the center island barstool in a quest for his blue Gonzo Velcro shoes. They were flung to the floor and retrieved.<\/p>\n

\u201cShoes. On,\u201d he announced, pointing at the footwear. \u201cCock pees<\/a>,\u201d he solemnly requested \u2013 holding a single sock out over his outstretched leg.<\/p>\n

I got the message.<\/p>\n

Once shod, he stood back up and once again marched back into the living room. Kid was on a roll. Living large and in charge.<\/p>\n

Moments later he returned bearing two sippy cups.<\/p>\n

This time he marched right past me, disappearing behind the jogging stroller. Curiosity got the best of us and we went to investigate. Destroy was tucking the cups in their little holders.<\/p>\n

He looked back up at us with an exasperated expression, scooted around us and climbed up into the stroller. He plopped back into his seat and waved, \u201cHI!\u201d expectantly.<\/p>\n

Jon looked at me. I looked at Jon.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe just did all of that. By. Himself. Consider the thought process that went into that. You kind of have to take him for a walk around the block for that.\u201d<\/p>\n

I had a better idea. We strolled to the store for ice cream.<\/p>\n

Well played, child. Well played.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The gate to baby jail the living room was ajar. We\u2019re trying to see if the muppets are capable of conducting themselves with a moderate sense of decorum in larger household arenas. Ok fine, we\u2019re monitoring closely to make sure … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true},"categories":[23,20],"tags":[833,835,834,622],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3Sbzi-DI","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":514,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/rooming-in-and-heading-out\/","url_meta":{"origin":2462,"position":0},"title":"Rooming In and Heading Out","date":"August 5, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Destroy is asleep. He\u2019s lying on his tummy on Daddy\u2019s chest. We\u2019re at the hospital again today. But today, we\u2019re in a hotel-like room. It\u2019s part of the NICU here, called the \u201cParent Sleep Room.\u201d Funny huh? I wonder if they sense the irony that no parent will actually ever\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Destroy"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/streamdoubletrouble.files.wordpress.com\/2010\/08\/logan_08-05-10.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2800,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/muppet-mousetrap\/","url_meta":{"origin":2462,"position":1},"title":"Muppet Mousetrap","date":"September 21, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"It started out with the belief that silence was scary. This was before my sons could talk. Inevitably, the room falls silent as the clattering of toys and chattering of toddlers ceases. The hush of doom blankets the room in a thick embrace \u2013 just long enough for a parent\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Home"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/09\/silence-is-golden-unless-you-have-a-toddler-300x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1214,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wriggle-wiggle-squiggle-and-squirm\/","url_meta":{"origin":2462,"position":2},"title":"Wriggle, Wiggle, Squiggle and Squirm","date":"February 28, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Toys are haphazardly strewn about my living in room - they lay where they fell in the aftermath of Hurricane Muppet. Both muppets are sitting on their own. They can\u2019t get upright by themselves - but they look adorable when you prop them up. Destroy isn\u2019t as good at maintaining\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Birthday"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/streamdoubletrouble.files.wordpress.com\/2011\/02\/caden_02-26-11-e1298960298168.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":507,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/507\/","url_meta":{"origin":2462,"position":3},"title":"Triple Threat","date":"August 2, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Our baby boys aren\u2019t so little anymore. Today\u2019s NICU update revealed that the muppets are six pounds. I shall repeat that. Our tubby little muppets are six pounds. I actually asked one of their doctors if they were getting a bit swollen \u2013 water retention perhaps. \u201cNo,\u201d came the reply.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Baby Photos"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/streamdoubletrouble.files.wordpress.com\/2010\/08\/brothers_caden-logan_08-02-10.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4232,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/naptime-nowadays\/","url_meta":{"origin":2462,"position":4},"title":"Naptime Nowadays","date":"February 23, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"We still put the boys down to \u201crest.\u201d Science may say that naps are no longer healthy after the age of 2, but I would like to invite Science to come deal with muppets after a long day and no nap. (Also, I am 34 and still greatly enjoy naps.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Destroy"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/02\/Brothers_Bunkbed_12-23-14-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4155,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/monsters-on-the-wall\/","url_meta":{"origin":2462,"position":5},"title":"Monsters on the Wall","date":"December 9, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"I heard moaning and the distinct floor creeks announcing the urgent pitter-patter of little feet racing toward me. When I blearily looked at the clock red fuzzy lines across my room, they formed somewhat of a 4 a.m. shape. \u201cAh! Ah! Ah! I hafta go pee pee!!!\u201d a potty-dancing Destroy\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Destroy"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/IMG_3206-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2462"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2462"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2462\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2462"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2462"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2462"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}