{"id":2167,"date":"2012-02-03T19:07:55","date_gmt":"2012-02-04T03:07:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/?p=2167"},"modified":"2013-10-09T19:04:56","modified_gmt":"2013-10-10T02:04:56","slug":"the-bell-curve-of-development-or-mitchs-bitches","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/the-bell-curve-of-development-or-mitchs-bitches\/","title":{"rendered":"The Bell Curve of Development (or Mitch\u2019s Bitches)"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I got home late for dinner. \u201cHang on a sec \u2013 you\u2019re impugning one of the bitches\u2026\u201d Uncle Mark was saying as I plopped into my seat.<\/p>\n

Hey \u2013 I\u2019m not one to judge. Who\u2019s a bitch?<\/p>\n

\u201cMy bitches,\u201d said my 16-year-old cousin Mitch.<\/p>\n

Mitch\u2019s bitches. (I admit, I was starting to get a little judgey here.)<\/p>\n

Apparently, the drama people didn\u2019t quite understand the inner workings of Mitch\u2019s middle school gang. You see, there\u2019s Mitch. And a bunch of female friends. I\u2019m guessing this didn\u2019t start out as a term of endearment. But you\u2019ve gotta love it when a group commandeers an insult for their very own.<\/p>\n

\u201cNot just anyone can be a bitch,\u201d Mitch noted \u2013 pulling out his phone to show pictures. (Mind you, my cousin is not a rebel without a clue. He is a saxophonist in band.)<\/p>\n

Remember the big Homecoming dance back in high school? Girls would go in search of the perfect dress so they would look radiantly ravishing with their date \u2013 mostly standing in line for pictures that would be passed around like hot fire trading cards. But before you left for the fancy-dress dinner at Chili\u2019s, you had to meet all the couples in your \u201cgroup\u201d to pose for the photo-frenzied parents.<\/p>\n

This actually happened.<\/p>\n

Homecoming Dad: So, Mitch. How are your hos?
\nMitch: Huh?
\nHomecoming Dad: Your hos. You know \u2013 your group of hot girlfriends.
\nMitch: You mean my bitches?
\nHomecoming Dad: Oh that\u2019s right! How are them bitches treating you?<\/em><\/em><\/p>\n

Meanwhile\u2026<\/p>\n

Homecoming Mom: Come on now! Let\u2019s get a photo with all of the bitches. <Waving the gaggle of girls over onto the staircase with camera in hand.> Bitches over here!<\/em><\/em><\/p>\n

Uh. Huh.<\/p>\n

And remember those wallet-sized trading cards? Custom. Collectible edition.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

From a peripheral perspective, the circle of life really is an interesting thing. Over the past year, my mom has watched her daughter\u2019s children grow. They\u2019ve gone from tiny helpless creatures amazed at the jerking movements that stem from the limbs attached to their own bodies, to mostly fully functional toddling terrors raining mischief upon all in their path.<\/p>\n

The muppets have developed motor skills \u2013 fine and gross. Wave bye-bye, put the Cheerio in the cup (or your mouth, that works too). They\u2019re starting to speak. I can see Search searching for the word when I ask him what he wants more of. They\u2019re little sponges soaking in the world around them \u2013 which is finally starting to come into focus.<\/p>\n

During that same time period, my mother watched her own mother regress. As Grandma Winnie grew sicker she became wobbly, losing her balance. Her coordination was off. She struggled for word choice. And the last day I spoke with her, she could barely muster the strength to voice her thoughts. Most heartbreaking was the revelation that she could no longer read; her focus was gone.<\/p>\n

She drank small sips of water through a straw. Using the first instinct babies have \u2013 sucking. (Technically even the muppets were born with this instinct, even though they weren\u2019t developed enough to actually do anything with it. Babies aren\u2019t able to breastfeed or take a bottle until around 32 weeks gestation.) The first we\u2019re born with is the last to leave us.<\/p>\n

And during that extended time in the middle? Apparently you get bitches.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I got home late for dinner. \u201cHang on a sec \u2013 you\u2019re impugning one of the bitches\u2026\u201d Uncle Mark was saying as I plopped into my seat. Hey \u2013 I\u2019m not one to judge. Who\u2019s a bitch? \u201cMy bitches,\u201d said … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true},"categories":[15,377],"tags":[704,706,127,705,410],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3Sbzi-yX","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3608,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/barely-legal\/","url_meta":{"origin":2167,"position":0},"title":"Barely Legal","date":"October 9, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Eighteen years ago I was a sophomore in high school. (It just occurred to me that I have been out of high school longer than it took me to get through it.) Today my cousin Mitch turned 18. I don\u2019t remember exactly where I was when I heard the initial\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Birthday"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/10\/Mitch_Reading-204x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2452,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/winecone-wednesday-mayday-edition\/","url_meta":{"origin":2167,"position":1},"title":"Winecone Wednesday \u2013 MAYDAY! Edition","date":"May 2, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Mayday! Mayday! Time is passing us by at a pace I prefer not to admit. We get our routines down and day in day out we try to learn to look back while moving forward. So, in order to spice things up \u2013 I\u2019m throwing out a game. One of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "A Nervous Tic Motion"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":668,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/the-look\/","url_meta":{"origin":2167,"position":2},"title":"The Look","date":"September 29, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Family legend has it that I was an ornery child. Stubborn, strong-willed and independent. I was famous for \u201cthe look\u201d \u2013 an exasperated eye roll that clearly expressed my displeasure with a given situation. My cousin Mitch picked up the reigns when I outgrew it. (To clarify, I only outgrew\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Baby Photos"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/streamdoubletrouble.files.wordpress.com\/2010\/09\/caden_thelook_09-29-10.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4371,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/disney-teenage-saga-of-angst\/","url_meta":{"origin":2167,"position":3},"title":"Disney \u2013 Teenage Saga of Angst","date":"August 25, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Ever wonder if Cinderella was exaggerating her tale of woe because she was a teenager. Before we go our merry way villianizing stepmothers and portraying sea witches as bitches \u2013 have we taken a moment to look at things from another\u2019s perspective? It\u2019s hard to be a teenager, especially in\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Miscellaneous"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2153,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/abort-mission\/","url_meta":{"origin":2167,"position":4},"title":"Abort Mission","date":"January 30, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Did you miss me? I had every intention of writing a wonderfully witty diatribe for you last night, but alas \u2013 the lure of the cool tiles on the bathroom floor were too enticing. That, and writing would have required me to extract myself from the oh-so-comfortable fetal position I\u2019d\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Destroy"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/01\/219620919298291166_cyyGeTa9_c-300x201.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3753,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/inability-to-focus\/","url_meta":{"origin":2167,"position":5},"title":"Inability to Focus","date":"January 29, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cYou have a problem focusing,\u201d the doctor informed me. Well thank you Captain Obvious. Just call me Doug the Dog from \u201cUp.\u201d SQUIRREL! I live with preschoolers \u2013 two of them. The cumulative attention span of our entire household equals that of a near-sighted goldfish.\u00a0 Even when one of the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Hospital"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2167"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2167"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2167\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2167"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2167"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2167"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}