{"id":1892,"date":"2011-11-10T01:00:47","date_gmt":"2011-11-10T09:00:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/?p=1892"},"modified":"2011-12-24T21:51:08","modified_gmt":"2011-12-25T05:51:08","slug":"potty-humor-part-ii","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/potty-humor-part-ii\/","title":{"rendered":"Potty Humor, Part II"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>For those of you eagerly playing along at home, the score is now 4-for-4. And yes, this is the second post in a week dealing with bodily fluids.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Search bit another one of his friends this afternoon and served actual time in the official preschool penalty box.<\/p>\n

It was one of those days.<\/p>\n

We woke up in a good mood. Destroy announced \u201cAh!\u201d right at 6:30 a.m. He was all smiles as he picked out his blue-hooded thermal to wear. We velcroed up his matching blue vans, and went back upstairs to get his brother. Twenty minutes later I opened the car door to unbuckle the boys and walk them to class.<\/p>\n

I looked at Search; he grinned back up at me. \u201cYou\u2019re not wearing any shoes,\u201d I observed. What did I JUST say about getting back to basics<\/a>. I guess it could have been worse \u2013 upon further inspection I can confirm that we were all, in fact, wearing pants.<\/p>\n

At 5 p.m. I darted across town to swoop up muppets. And once again, I was greeted with an INCIDENT REPORT. Seriously? Again?!<\/p>\n

Incident: Search bit a friend on the playground this afternoon.
\nAction Taken: Time out and told \u201cWe don\u2019t bite our friends.\u201d<\/p>\n

Search was smirking with a look that can only be described as Mommy Redux. Search \u2013 you are your mother\u2019s son. Karma \u2013 you are a bitch. Kisses, Tricia.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s a good thing they come cute,\u201d his teacher (not yesterday\u2019s cannibalistic target) noted.<\/p>\n

We arrived home to the tune of a MAJOR MUPPET MELTDOWN. I think Destroy had a tummy ache. Squirming, squealing and sobbing, my little destroyer absolutely refused to sit in his highchair \u2013 he arched his back and wailed. I knew something was obviously wrong. Destroy doesn\u2019t turn down food lightly.<\/p>\n

I know! How about a nice warm bath? That will make you feel better. I am a brilliant mommy. (Well, aside from the whole juvenile delinquent biting issue that seems to be besting me.)<\/p>\n

We finished sudsing up and were ready to partake in a few minutes of splashing (the muppets do enjoy relieving the tub of all its liquid contents). Then Destroy smiled and shouted his happy yell.<\/p>\n

He pooped.<\/p>\n

There was a giant poop in the tub. GIANT.<\/p>\n

I guess his tummy didn\u2019t hurt anymore\u2026<\/p>\n

I scooped two giggling toddlers out of the bathtub in a right quick hurry. Destroy managed to wander out of the living room while I gathered his brother. I called him back, coaxing him toward me with open arms. I couldn\u2019t help but join in the laughter as the naked 26-pound toddler nonchalantly waddled back. I held out two fuzzy footie jammies, asking which one he wanted to wear to bed.<\/p>\n

Destroy looked up at me. He took a moment to examine the blue rocketship or tan monkey. Then he stood tall \u2013 holding his head every inch of his two and a half feet \u2013 and peed on the monkey and me.<\/p>\n

My plan for tonight was to workout, write and collapse into a delightfully dream-filled slumber by 9 p.m. Instead, I spent it scrubbing poop out of a bathtub.<\/p>\n

That’s right. Motherhood is damn sexy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

For those of you eagerly playing along at home, the score is now 4-for-4. And yes, this is the second post in a week dealing with bodily fluids.\u00a0 Search bit another one of his friends this afternoon and served actual … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true},"categories":[23,20,10],"tags":[428,190,553],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3Sbzi-uw","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":4140,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/bumps-and-bruises-to-be-expected\/","url_meta":{"origin":1892,"position":0},"title":"Bumps and Bruises To Be Expected","date":"November 24, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"The forecast called for rain. And the California morning had proven rather gloomy. But muppets were going stir crazy. It was mission critical to get them out of the house to expend some of the pent up energy boiling over. Destroy had knocked all the couch cushions to the floor\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Health"","img":{"alt_text":"Monkey Bars","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/Monkey-Bars-1024x512.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3305,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/the-incident-report\/","url_meta":{"origin":1892,"position":1},"title":"The Incident Report","date":"May 17, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"I opened the green binder to sign the boys out of school. And there was the ominous folded sheet paper. The Xeroxed Incident\/Accident report. With \u201cIncident\u201d prominently circled. Oh goodie. Bubbly blue handwriting scrawled across the faded purple\/black lines: The kids were playing outside. One of them was lying on\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Destroy"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2579,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/toddler-speak\/","url_meta":{"origin":1892,"position":2},"title":"Toddler Speak","date":"June 25, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Mahi Mahi was on the menu for dinner tonight. Both muppets chowed down in a serious teenage-boy-in-training fashion, while Finding Nemo played in the background. PISHIE! (Yes, I fed my children fish while their anthropomorphized dinner just kept swimming on the screen. I know. Mother. Of. The. Year.) It\u2019s crazy\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Current Events"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3201,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/the-boys-are-back-in-town\/","url_meta":{"origin":1892,"position":3},"title":"The Boys are Back in Town","date":"April 1, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Guess who just got back today? Them wild-eyed boys that had been away Haven't changed, haven't much to say But man, I still think them cats are crazy. Baseball\u2019s back! The boys have spent the past several months practicing and warming up in spring training. They\u2019ve honed new skills and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Baby Photos"","img":{"alt_text":"02-Crosstrain","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/02-Crosstrain.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":435,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/nicu-sucks\/","url_meta":{"origin":1892,"position":4},"title":"NICU Sucks","date":"July 11, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"My heart always skips a beat when I see the hospital\u2019s number on the caller ID. So I held my breath a bit last night when the phone rang a couple hours after my afternoon visit with the muppets. It was Nurse June. \u201cI just had to let you know\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Baby Photos"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/streamdoubletrouble.files.wordpress.com\/2010\/07\/caden_handsomelikedaddy_07-09-10.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":4505,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/then-and-now-7\/","url_meta":{"origin":1892,"position":5},"title":"Then and Now","date":"May 28, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Happy seventh birthday, Muppets.","rel":"","context":"In "Birthday"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/05\/Birthday-2.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1892"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1892"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1892\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1892"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1892"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1892"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}