{"id":1890,"date":"2011-11-09T01:28:59","date_gmt":"2011-11-09T09:28:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/?p=1890"},"modified":"2014-01-05T14:21:35","modified_gmt":"2014-01-05T22:21:35","slug":"the-hat-trick","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/the-hat-trick\/","title":{"rendered":"The Hat Trick"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Well, I walked right into that one. I posted on Facebook this morning,<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDear Muppets,
\n2 days, 2 incident reports. Can we at least attempt to avoid the trifecta?
\nLove, Mom.\u201d<\/p>\n

My bad.<\/p>\n

We hit the trifecta. At least it’s dispersed between children?<\/p>\n

At 5:30 p.m., I flipped open the attendance book to sign the muppets out for the evening. And sure as sin \u2013 a large paperclip secured a folded white \u201cIncident Report\u201d atop Search\u2019s name.<\/p>\n

Friday: Incident Report #1.
\nSearch bites Destroy during lunch. At least we\u2019re keeping it all in the family? And to be fair, it was lunchtime \u2013 perhaps he mistook Destroy\u2019s chubby little finger for a carrot.<\/p>\n

Monday: Incident Report #2.
\nDestroy climbs, falls. I know \u2013 shocking. Destroy climbing? Apparently he scaled a step but tipped off the edge and smacked his little head on the air conditioning unit. He was treated with ice and love. Part of me wonders if the little rascal has figured out all the hugs and cuddles he\u2019ll get for the low low price of a few crocodile tears.<\/p>\n

Tuesday: Incident Report #3.
\nThe biter\u2019s back. One of Search\u2019s classmates liberated a toy he was playing with. As is his current phase, he lunged and bit him. He was promptly reprimanded by one of his teachers. At which time, he squealed and bit his teacher.<\/p>\n

I sighed and signed the incident report. Another one of their teachers came around the corner, the muppets two little footballs \u2013 one under each arm. Destroy was giggling and batting his long little lashes at his favorite teacher. Search had a mischievous smirk on his face.<\/p>\n

\u201cSearch\u2026\u201d I began.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u2026\u201d said his teacher.<\/p>\n

\u201cHehehe\u2026\u201d cackled Search.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s add another line to the growing list of Things I Never Thought I\u2019d Say. Do not eat your teacher. <\/em><\/p>\n

What I have mentioned before<\/a> is that I would really like my children to not have an expulsion on their permanent record before the age of 2.<\/p>\n

I texted Jon. \u201cYour son bit the teacher.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo. That would be YOUR son,\u201d he replied. \u201cMy son is a good boy.\u201d<\/p>\n

Karma\u2019s a bitch.<\/p>\n

How did you did you deal with biting in your little ones? And no, I\u2019m not biting back.<\/p>\n

I will leave you to ponder that while I try to encourage Search to eat, and not snort, his chicken salad. Even if that is precisely what he *should* be using his sharp little chompers on.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Well, I walked right into that one. I posted on Facebook this morning, \u201cDear Muppets, 2 days, 2 incident reports. Can we at least attempt to avoid the trifecta? Love, Mom.\u201d My bad. We hit the trifecta. At least it’s … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true},"categories":[14,377,10],"tags":[428,552,226],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3Sbzi-uu","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1937,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/how-the-muppets-were-saved\/","url_meta":{"origin":1890,"position":0},"title":"How the Muppets Were Saved","date":"November 22, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"It\u2019s time to play the music! It\u2019s time to light the lights! It\u2019s time to raise the curtain on\u2026THE BIGGEST COMEBACK TOUR EVER! You\u2019ve heard of the Muppets right? No, not MY muppets \u2013 their puppety namesakes. After more than a decade spent largely out of the spotlight, mostly doing\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Current Events"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/Save-the-Muppets-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1663,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/back-to-school\/","url_meta":{"origin":1890,"position":1},"title":"Back to School","date":"August 23, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Well, we\u2019ve made the grade. It may be hard to believe, but the muppets started school today.\u00a0I know what you\u2019re thinking. You\u2019re thinking, \u201cSchool? Already? Are they even a year old?\u201d The muppets are advanced individuals \u2013 they already have one degree, having graduated the NICU at age negative 3\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Daycare"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/08\/Brothers_FirstDay_08-23-11-e1314164930739-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3158,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/where-does-the-time-go\/","url_meta":{"origin":1890,"position":2},"title":"Where Does the Time Go?","date":"March 8, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cMr. Stream? Do you have a moment to chat with me in my office?\u201d the preschool principal began as she approached Jon after drop-off on Monday. Because that\u2019s not even remotely foreboding to get called to the principal\u2019s office that way. Oh god \u2013 the muppets were getting expelled. (Please\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Parenting"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1892,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/potty-humor-part-ii\/","url_meta":{"origin":1890,"position":3},"title":"Potty Humor, Part II","date":"November 10, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"For those of you eagerly playing along at home, the score is now 4-for-4. And yes, this is the second post in a week dealing with bodily fluids.\u00a0 Search bit another one of his friends this afternoon and served actual time in the official preschool penalty box. It was one\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Destroy"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/11\/most-problems-can-be-dissolved-with-a-warm-relaxing-bath-200x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":3305,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/the-incident-report\/","url_meta":{"origin":1890,"position":4},"title":"The Incident Report","date":"May 17, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"I opened the green binder to sign the boys out of school. And there was the ominous folded sheet paper. The Xeroxed Incident\/Accident report. With \u201cIncident\u201d prominently circled. Oh goodie. Bubbly blue handwriting scrawled across the faded purple\/black lines: The kids were playing outside. One of them was lying on\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Destroy"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":746,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/raindrops-on-roses\/","url_meta":{"origin":1890,"position":5},"title":"Raindrops on Roses","date":"October 18, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"\u2026and teardrops and sneezes. The muppets have experienced their first rainstorm. I do not think they liked it. Now, the muppets didn\u2019t actually venture out into dreary, drippy gloom, but they spent a very cranky day making their displeasure known.\u00a0 The day began with Destroy screaming for food at the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Home"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/streamdoubletrouble.files.wordpress.com\/2010\/10\/2342570786_e572bdf22f_z.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1890"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1890"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1890\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1890"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1890"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1890"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}