{"id":1358,"date":"2011-05-08T22:31:14","date_gmt":"2011-05-09T05:31:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/?p=1358"},"modified":"2012-05-13T07:52:15","modified_gmt":"2012-05-13T14:52:15","slug":"bumps-bruises-and-bodily-fluids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/bumps-bruises-and-bodily-fluids\/","title":{"rendered":"Bumps, Bruises and Bodily Fluids"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

The plan was to double date on a picnic with Grandma Nancy. Unfortunately, Mother Nature (being a mother herself) was sleeping in and waiting for breakfast in bed.<\/span><\/p>\n

So we spent the morning at Kaiser Santa Clara. I\u2019m really growing quite fond of that place. The first time I wandered over there for an appointment three years ago, I got completely turned around and lost (not a hard feat for me). Now, the new medical buildings have become old hat \u2013 almost a second home. Today we visited the second floor: Evening and Weekend Clinic.<\/p>\n

The muppets are still sick. Although the doctor assured us it was just the common cold on Tuesday, by Thursday Destroy sill had a mild fever. His cough was breaking up and seemed to be extremely painful. He woke up every two hours \u2013 nobody got much sleep. Even Search was waking up to cough and look around the nursery annoyed before harrumphing himself back onto his mattress.<\/p>\n

Perhaps out of spite for a sleepless night, I received a text at work on Friday. \u201cSo good news. Search is going to get his first black eye. But he barely cried!\u201d Search had been taking additional risks as part of his climbing adventures (way to emulate Mommy, little man<\/a>) and bit the dust; he apparently chewed on his music table on the way down.<\/p>\n

By Friday, Destroy had begun wheezing again. He wasn\u2019t interested in food or his bottle. This concerned me. Jon wheedled and begged and Destroy begrudgingly at three ounces of milk. By the afternoon he was in no mood to indulge our nutritional whims. His fever was making a return appearance, his top tooth was starting to cut through his gums and he couldn\u2019t breathe through his nose. The poor muppet was miserable. Search was also completely stuffed up and coughing intermittently.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Then Destroy woke up from his nap with his eye swollen shut. Jon was sent off to the pharmacy to pick up eyedrops. Diagnosis: Pink eye. Yay.<\/p>\n

To add to the fun, Destroy retaliated against the forced feeing by arfing All. Over. So he got a bonus bath. Search spent some afternoon quality time in baby jail.\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

So yesterday I called the advice nurse. \u201cIs he wheezing?\u201d Of course he\u2019s wheezing. We play this game every time he gets a cold. The doctor called me back and we agreed he should probably be seen in the weekend clinic. (Well, more realistically, the doctor indulged a hypochondriac mom. But in my defense \u2013 I am being hyper vigilant to ward off pneumonia or the dreaded RSV.)<\/p>\n

This morning, the three of us were having a makeshift picnic on the floor of Exam Room 3 in the Weekend and Evening clinic. When the doctor finally walked in, Destroy perked right up, grinned and clapped for her. \u201cThat. Does not look like a sick baby.\u201d But she\u2019d read our file and seen the magic words, \u201c27-week Preemie.\u201d<\/p>\n

Destroy got the full physical exam workup. Starting out with THE MONITOR. We cycled through the first time and the machine beeped 0 0 0. At least the absence of a pulseox was clear that it was wrong \u2013 my kid being pink and alive and all.<\/p>\n

The muppets have a cold. The diagnosis has not changed since we saw the doc on Tuesday. It\u2019s the common cold.<\/p>\n

In lieu of our double date picnic, Grandma Nancy came over with pizza and we had a grand afternoon. She also brought See\u2019s candy (pause to hear the angels sing). Jon presented me with a digital photo frame from the muppets \u2013 now I can see all their adorable pictures all day at work. I baked gooey chocolate fudge brownies for the celebration. Grandma Nancy laughed, \u201cYou baked on Mother\u2019s Day? Clearly you\u2019re new at this.\u201d<\/p>\n

Destroy ate all of his dinner like a healthy chipper little muppet. Then he drank all his milk. And threw up en masse. I wiped him up to the best of my abilities and stripped him of his outfit. At this point I noticed a foul odor crawling around me, so I picked up his brother for a diaper change.<\/p>\n

In slow motion before my eyes, I saw Search make a break for it. Right through the diaper. I grabbed him before his foot hit the floor. But when I stood up, I realized how quick he was. Poop everywhere. He got divested of his outfit as well.<\/p>\n

I stood in the middle of the living room, looking at the grinning faces of two sniffling baby boys \u2013 one had a large purple bruise over his left eye, the other\u2019s right eye was bright pink from swelling and irritation. I\u2019d spent my first \"\"<\/a>Mother\u2019s Day at the doctor\u2019s office, holding fussy muppets with significantly runny noses. And now, I was covered in regurgitated chicken apple compote and poop.<\/p>\n

Clad in nothing but diapers and smiles, Search babbled and Destroy squealed. Even in their private twin baby language, their message was crystal clear.<\/p>\n

\u201cHappy Mother\u2019s Day, Mommy. We love you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Happy Mother\u2019s Day to all mommies out there. May your children bring you all the smiles and love they are worth. If this is your first celebration as a mommy \u2013 you understand how puddles of arf can be so endearing. And for all the mommies to be \u2013 there will be bumps along the way, you will kiss bruises and you will clean a significant amount of bodily fluids. And you will love with a force you never knew you were capable of.<\/p>\n

And then they\u2019ll poop on you.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The plan was to double date on a picnic with Grandma Nancy. Unfortunately, Mother Nature (being a mother herself) was sleeping in and waiting for breakfast in bed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true},"categories":[5,12,13,19,24],"tags":[83,293,215],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3Sbzi-lU","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":820,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/cold-and-flu-season\/","url_meta":{"origin":1358,"position":0},"title":"Cold and Flu Season","date":"November 6, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"It\u2019s the 2010 cold\/flu season. And the muppets are now the recipients of a 2010 cold. This is their first illness (other than \u201ctiny\u201d). So naturally, I panicked. Jon called the advice nurse to ask if we should bring them in to see the doctor. \u201cDo they have a fever?\u201d\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Destroy"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/streamdoubletrouble.files.wordpress.com\/2010\/11\/t106438c.jpg?w=350&h=200&crop=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2230,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/sick-muppets-are-sad\/","url_meta":{"origin":1358,"position":1},"title":"Sick Muppets are Sad","date":"February 28, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"Worst cold and flu season. Ever. To be continued from the Sunday Post \u2013 the muppets are sick again. To be fair, this is only the second one they\u2019ve endured. And that whole preemie thing put us mostly in isolation for the last one \u2013 minus the doctor visits for\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Destroy"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/02\/photo2-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1351,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/exhaustion\/","url_meta":{"origin":1358,"position":2},"title":"Exhaustion","date":"May 3, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"It took 11 months, but the muppets have their first fever. The doctor has assured me it is nothing more than the common cold, but that is doing nothing to assuage my concern at seeing the quintessential, \u201cI don\u2019t feel good\u201d look on Destroy\u2019s face. Search, meanwhile, is using this\u2026","rel":"","context":"In \"cold\"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/05\/Brothers_Sleeping_03-18-11-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2239,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/to-the-germs-presently-invading-my-baby\/","url_meta":{"origin":1358,"position":3},"title":"To the Germs Presently Invading My Baby","date":"March 1, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"It makes my heart hurt to see my little man lying next to me listlessly. Breath heavy, cheeks flushed. Those sad eyes only a child can wield. It\u2019s only a cold. It\u2019s only the flu. It should break soon. He should feel better soon. It could be worse. I\u2019m sure\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Destroy"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3299,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/happy-mothers-day-i-might-have-p-neumonia\/","url_meta":{"origin":1358,"position":4},"title":"Happy Mother\u2019s Day. I Might Have P-neumonia","date":"May 15, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"It was supposed to be a footloose, fun and fancy-free girl\u2019s weekend on the beach. We\u2019d been planning our getaway for almost six months. Because when you\u2019re a mom, these things take time to organize. It was supposed to be. It was not. There were six of us. All mamas.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Current Events"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/05\/MothersDay_Monterey_05-10-13-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1717,"url":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/supermen\/","url_meta":{"origin":1358,"position":5},"title":"Supermen","date":"September 18, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"The muppets have been in daycare for a month. Three days into this adventure, they got the sniffles. \u201cIt\u2019s gonna come quick and it\u2019s gonna hit hard,\u201d their teacher warned. Early this week, a clingy Search was deposited in Daddy\u2019s arms. \u201cHe\u2019s a little toasty and he just doesn\u2019t seem\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Baby Photos"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.streamdoubletrouble.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/09\/Search_Sick_09-15-11-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1358"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1358"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1358\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1358"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1358"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/streamoftheconscious.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1358"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}