My phone buzzed, “Let’s retire and start an island business.” I didn’t blink twice. “Sold. When do we start? I’ll pack now.”
The house is quiet right now – sound-tracked by the clicking of my keyboard, two large snoring dogs (one comfortably lounging on his back, legs splayed to the world) and the faint buzz of the baby monitor humming a Disney classical playlist. Continue reading
Today I, an exceptional maternal unit to a dual masculine birth, announce that in order to mesh proactive deliverables and evolve interactive channels we provided best-in-class value-added Mexican style sustenance for integrated cross-family enterprise nutritional infrastructure prior to iterating scalable solutions in the nocturnal timeframe via Jurassic terrestrial vertebrates lizard literature.
This is the type of mouthful found in most corporate press releases. Continue reading
Have you missed me this week? Ok, who am I kidding, have you missed the muppets? I missed them too. I’ve been traveling for work this week – social(media)izing up a storm at my company’s annual conference. Continue reading
Someway, somehow – when I wasn’t looking – my tiny babies got big.
And during that time the debate between being a stay-at-home-mom vs. working mother raged on. I am a working mother and I make no apologies for that. The Mrs. Cleaver ideal still persists: the perfect mother, waiting at home with a plate of homemade cookies and tall cool glass of bottled milk. Continue reading
Make Way for Ducklings is classic Caldecott Medal winning children’s book. It illustrates the story of Mr. and Mrs. Mallard Duck dealing with the daily stresses of life as they attempt to navigate the best path for their fledging family.
No wonder it’s still so popular. Continue reading
I have survived my first industry tradeshow. Sure, I’ve worked on content for them before, but this was the first one where my presence was physically required. Continue reading
Today is the first day I’ve ever spent away from my muppets. I’ll be traveling for work through Thursday. Continue reading
When the muppets first started eating rice cereal, we discovered tiny bites were key. (And then we discovered the key to a successful mealtime was anything other than rice cereal.) A heaping spoonful was just to big for their little mouths to neatly handle.
Try not to bite off more than you can chew. This is a lesson I often teach myself. Take, for example, the Pizookie at BJ’s Restaurant. It is a small dish of fresh-out-of-the-oven giant chocolate chip cookie topped with a mountain of melting vanilla bean ice cream. (The no-dessert Lenten promise has me dreaming of sugar plum fairies and triple scoop brownie sundaes.) It is so delicious that you crave an entire serving unto yourself. And then you don’t feel so good…
A perfect metaphor for life, really.
The day after I became a stay-at-home mom, the vacuum – which I’d auspiciously ordered three days earlier – arrived. It’s a nice vacuum – a BMW super sucker if you will (that doesn’t lose suction…) I stared at my fancy new machine.
I envisioned myself pushing its retro ancestor around my living room, clad in a Betty Draper style A-line shirtwaist housedress protected by a simple apron. I’d tidy up our 1955 era little galley kitchen, corralling and calming our Leave It To Beaver-like children before stepping out onto porch to greet Jon as he returns home from work, in a fashion befitting Donna Reed.
I’m a housewife.
Then I realized I wasn’t entirely certain how to make my technologically advanced future Cheerio picker-upper go, and my husband returns home from work at 6:30 a.m. – not a time you’re likely to find me doing any chores more hard core than snoring. That snapped me out of my Nick-at-Nite TVLand daydream right quick. Perhaps I can find work as a more contemporary housewife – they haven’t done a Silicon Valley version of the Real Housewives series yet. Granted, I don’t think I have the right quotient of dramatic flare to entice viewers.
On tonight’s episode of Real Housewives of Silicon Valley! Housewife Tricia puzzles over her new vacuum as she attempts to clear the carpet of dog fur so her muppets can roll. And later…she goes on a walk at the park with other moms. Stay tuned!
Regardless of my silver screen likablility, I went ahead and decided to get some outstanding house projects done. Our honey-do list has been essentially on hold since April 2010 – hospitals, preemie baby boys and opposite work schedules ferreting our attention in other directions. Today Jon liberated our garage from the cardboard boxes and garbage that had threatened to take over. (You wouldn’t believe how much cardboard and packing material comes with babies.)
After his project was completed, we traded roles on muppet watch and I undertook the task of cleaning the tile floor. I don’t think our kitchen has had a deep scrub since we moved in three years ago. As I write this blog entry, the peach tile is coated in a slightly damp fine layer of baking soda. I’ve tried numerous commercial methods for grout rejuvenation, but the floor still looked dirty to me. So, with my days freed up a bit, I did some home-ec research and experimented with baking soda, vinegar and water. Jon kindly pointed out that I was recreating the elementary school volcano science experiment.
But it worked! Sort of. I still need to mop up the dusty white powder. Two days hunched over on my hands and knees with a toothbrush and hairbrush size scrub brush and our peach tile is refreshingly peachy again.
I’m going to spend the next few days networking/stalking recruiters during the two hour afternoon muppet downtime. But I think I’ll vacuum the living room first. It really is a nifty new machine.
His golden locks Time hath to silver turn’d;
O Time too swift, O swiftness never ceasing!
His youth ‘gainst time and age hath ever spurn’d,
But spurn’d in vain; youth waneth by increasing:
Beauty, strength, youth, are flowers but fading seen;
Duty, faith, love, are roots, and ever [purple]
Today was a rough day.
I got to work and immediately procured my coffee. (Caffeine was necessary this morning.) I sat down and plugged in my laptop while I was reviewing my ever expanding to-do list. It was going to be a busy day.
The computer screen went blank. A swirling hour glass reappeared, along with a dialog box informing me there had been an error installing the latest updates. Interesting – I hadn’t installed any. Regardless, I followed the typically failsafe method of fixing all technological issues – I rebooted.
Nothing.
The rainbow swirly wheel continued to taunt me. So after five minutes, I scooped up the computer and marched its misbehaving shell down to the IT walk-up window. “Yeah…” the tech guru mused after punching multiple buttons, “this thing’s toast.” Yay me. I had successfully blown up my computer. My day was being eaten away. And my to-do list was not getting shorter. A sympathetic technician sent me back to my desk with the world’s slowest loaner PC. I sat down, only to discover the power cord wouldn’t register. So, the loaner died.
It was going to be one of those days.
As I was fiddling with the computer, plugging and unplugging, musing the pros and cons of simply pushing buttons until the machine worked, my manger asked me if I had a quick second to chat.
Throughout my entire professional career, that exact request has sent my pulse racing. And for the first time, my fears were founded. My company had made the difficult decision to eliminate 1% of its staff in an effort to enhance revenue growth and margin expansion. My job was eliminated.
I lost my corporate job today. Today, I became a temporary stay at home mom. And I was so close to making it through the entire recession…
I said my goodbyes with tear-filled eyes. When I got home I hugged my muppets who grinned and giggled back at me. Mommy’s home!
My heart goes out to all my fellow Yahoos who lost their jobs today. But mooning and mourning will do no good; we will all move forward. I loved my job and I will miss my team dearly. But I’m going to take this opportunity to spend the time with the boys that I wasn’t able to enjoy during my maternity leave (what with the wires and medically “tiny” diagnosis).
I’m going to focus on writing the next great American novel. And blogosphere fans – please have any and all literary agents contact me as soon as possible.
I initially accepted the job at Yahoo! because I saw a change in societal norms – a new direction for people to consume media and content. I still see that there; sooner than later, I’d like you to be able to find my content there.
Today was a sad day. I came home and hugged the muppets. Boy, will Search and Destroy’s first year be one for the record books.
Seriously though- agents? Columnist contracts? I’m here and best of all – I’m available! You’ll find me at home, enjoying a sunny January with my five favorite guys.
