A year ago I saw the flood of tweets on the BlogHer conference and thought it sounded fabulous. I donâ€™t â€œknowâ€ (in the face-to-face sense anyway) a single soul going. And itâ€™s happening in Manhattan.
I decided to take the plunge and sign up for something that could be so totally smackaroo-able or just a week of wineconing in the making.
Some people seek excitement and thrills through daring stunts such as bungee jumping or skydiving. However I feel life is too short to risk losing my ability to control my bodily functions while attempting to experience gravity from the perspective of a raindrop. And also, Splat.
Me, I get my thrills geeking out at a writing conference. Thatâ€™s right â€“ Iâ€™m heading to BlogHer â€™12. As a Voice of the Year honoree no less.
I, being the kind and caring friend I am, volunteered to pick up my friend from the airport last weekend. (Also, I need a ride to the airport for my flight this week. Quid quo pro, peeps.) I parked my car, jaunted over to the elevator for the terminals and pushed â€œ1.â€ The elevator closed, opened, closed, opened, and then began to shudder violently while buzzing angrily.
Oh my god â€“ the elevator is trying to eat me. Iâ€™ll take the stairs. So, (see if you can follow the sharp right turn here) a major cross-country winecone at the airport information attendant who proceeded to â€œinformâ€ me that the flight I was due to meet didnâ€™t exist. If Iâ€™m going to face the perils of elevator consumption, the least that could happen is the flight not go all Twilight Zone on me. (Spoiler: my friend did in fact arrive. As did everyone else on the non-existent flight.)
Letâ€™s be clear. Raisins are failed grapes. And as you know, grapes are performed in liquid form.
Editorâ€™s note: My kind of winecone! Because, yes. And really, letâ€™s not try to pretend to be something weâ€™re not.
I just left you a voice mail follow up on the email I sent 30 seconds ago. And that conference call youâ€™ve been trying to have for 5 months? Yeah, no one read any of the documentation you sent over. In fact, did you even send it? AAARGHH!
Editorâ€™s note: Hereâ€™s your winecone: fire when ready. Stand. Shout, â€œI canâ€™t work under these conditions!â€ Slam computer. Drop phone. Hold up both hands. Strut off stage. Receive wine waiting in the wings.
Dear Outlook, why do some single word searches finish immediately while others take 15+ minutes (if they don’t crash you completely) â€“ @srlslyamusing
Editorâ€™s note: Iâ€™m going to go ahead and let you respond to your own winecone. (Mind. Blown. I know.) â€œYou know something is either terribly right or terribly wrong when someone has to do a word search for a tweet you made the day before.â€ More wine? I think so. And a cone for crashing computers. (This response and the original winecone are TOTALLY related in my mind. Go with it.)
A smackaroo to all my fellow writers! I canâ€™t wait to meet all the amazing people at the conference. Iâ€™m in a serious NY state of mind.
And also dragons. Because apparently all stories need more of them. Possibly ninjas as well.