Sometimes life takes a turn and you are left with no words with which to express your emotion. When you are a writer, this can pose a problem.
I first “met” Diana from Hormonal Imbalances on Twitter. She had just been admitted to the hospital; her water had broken at 18 weeks gestation with her twin boys. From there on out, I was emotionally attached to her story. I wanted those boys to make it. I wanted her to hold on and defy the statistics – if for no other reason than to show hospital administrators up for thinking her an emotional pregnant basket case.
Sadly her twin boys, Julian and Preston, were born at 20 weeks and earned their angel wings hours later.
I met Diana in person at BlogHer 12 in New York City. I felt slightly silly, descending upon those who I felt I knew only by their blog when they didn’t know me from any crazy lady peer, but I figured that’s what the conference was about. If she thought I was insane, she hid it well.
Diana showed me the tiny tattoos she’d just inked on each of her wrists – the footprints of Preston and Julian.
I continued to follow her story.
And one day a new post popped up in my feed. Diana was pregnant. Throughout her pregnancy I read her stories and updates –her fear in the beginning, her joy as each week passed, her nervous excitement as the birth neared.
It was a boy.
At 24 weeks I sent her a note – “Viability looks fabulous on you!” And it did. She was glowing. On August 5, Kaden was born. With one little hiccup…but he’d be home soon. I was thrilled for my blogger friend. (And, I’ll let you in on a terribly kept secret here – Search is really just the nom de plume for my own Caden. I felt a kinship.)
But all too quickly it became clear that Kaden had a broken heart. On Tuesday morning I lazily flipped through my Twitter feed.
Diana and her family had said goodbye to Kaden. A true spirit of his name – meaning warrior – Kaden had earned his own set of angel wings and joined his big brothers in another world.
There are no words.
I am sorry. I am heartbroken.
There are no words.
I once mentioned that no one can truly die as long as there are people to remember.
So in this little space of mine, I ask you – be it prayers, thoughts, juju or simply your good intentions – take a moment to think of a little light gone too soon, a brave fighter lost to his battle.
Remember him. Until they meet again.