Sometimes life takes a turn and you are left with no words with which to express your emotion. When you are a writer, this can pose a problem.
I first â€œmetâ€ Diana from Hormonal Imbalances on Twitter. She had just been admitted to the hospital; her water had broken at 18 weeks gestation with her twin boys. From there on out, I was emotionally attached to her story. I wanted those boys to make it. I wanted her to hold on and defy the statistics â€“ if for no other reason than to show hospital administrators up for thinking her an emotional pregnant basket case. Â
Sadly her twin boys, Julian and Preston, were born at 20 weeks and earned their angel wings hours later.
I met Diana in person at BlogHer 12 in New York City. I felt slightly silly, descending upon those who I felt I knew only by their blog when they didnâ€™t know me from any crazy lady peer, but I figured thatâ€™s what the conference was about. If she thought I was insane, she hid it well.
Diana showed me the tiny tattoos sheâ€™d just inked on each of her wrists â€“ the footprints of Preston and Julian.
I continued to follow her story.
And one day a new post popped up in my feed. Diana was pregnant. Throughout her pregnancy I read her stories and updates â€“her fear in the beginning, her joy as each week passed, her nervous excitement as the birth neared.
It was a boy.
At 24 weeks I sent her a note â€“ â€œViability looks fabulous on you!â€ And it did. She was glowing. On August 5, Kaden was born. With one little hiccupâ€¦but heâ€™d be home soon. I was thrilled for my blogger friend. (And, Iâ€™ll let you in on a terribly kept secret here â€“ Search is really just the nom de plume for my own Caden. I felt a kinship.)
But all too quickly it became clear that Kaden had a broken heart. On Tuesday morning I lazily flipped through my Twitter feed.
Diana and her family had said goodbye to Kaden. A true spirit of his name â€“ meaning warrior â€“ Kaden had earned his own set of angel wings and joined his big brothers in another world.
There are no words.
I am sorry. I am heartbroken.
There are no words.
I once mentioned that no one can truly die as long as there are people to remember.
So in this little space of mine, I ask you â€“ be it prayers, thoughts, juju or simply your good intentions â€“ take a moment to think of a little light gone too soon, a brave fighter lost to his battle.
Remember him. Until they meet again.