The following conversation just happened:
Search: <singing> ITSY SPIDER! ITSY SPIDER
Me: Oh! Are we singing Itsy Bitsy Spider? <I start singing.>
Destroy: No, mommy.
What? The vocal styling’s of Carrie Underwood I do not have, but come on kid – you’re two. You’re supposed to be entertained by the polyester rhythms of a purple prehistoric possessed dinosaur.
Me: What song do you want to sing.
Destroy: <doing the toddler-two-step dance> Mu-mu-mu-mad-mad-mad…
Me: Ok, let’s sing Muse before bed.
I’ll be up late with a bottle of wine this evening. Feel free to drop by with my mother of the year award at any time. (Side note – kids are pretty much bruise free by now.)
Search: <gesticulating wildly at the window> Bounce house!
Me: <looking at the reflection of us off the pitch black window> Bounce house?
Destroy: S’getting dark.
Search: I see the bounce house. Mommy, I NEED the bounce house.
Me: There’s no bounce house outside little man.
Search: Yes, mommy. Bounce house. I see outside with the flowers. Read destruction book?
Destroy: Crane truck has teddy bear. Mixer has blanket on.
Search: DIGGER PUSH DIRT.
Destroy: No night-night. Big bed.
Me: You’re in your big boy bed, buddy. I need you to sleep here to go on your nighttime adventures.
Search: Ok. I need the turtle.
The imagination of children never ceases to amaze me. In no particular order:
|Actual Item||Child’s View|
|Diapers.com box||Garbage Truck|
|Diapers||Thunder From Down Under rip-away pants|
|Park swings||Cliff diving|
|Living room||Major League Baseball diamond|
|PB&J||Michellen caliber fine dining (especially when served with a side of waffles and berries)|
|Stick||Mr. Olivander’s wand – it’s chosen its muppet|
|Crayon||Behr 3-Coat primer paint for all the walls in the house|
|Firetruck pajama pants||Only way to ward off bad dreams|
|Chickens||Henchmen of Satan|
|Bathtub||Escape from Alcatraz channel|
|Balloons||Professional sporting equipment|
|Curtain rods||Baseball bats|
|iPhone||The secret to all of life’s mysteries|
|iPad||Where Gramma and Papa are kept when not visiting|
|Mommy’s car||Space Shuttle Endeavor (no matter how much mommy threatens us with it being the Challenger if we insist on driving)|
|Sippy cups||Shot puts|
|Broom||Magic (and what mommy should be riding because of all of the above)|
Please add your own in the comments.